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  • Do You Want To Share Reality With Me?

    The other day the Munch was having a play date with a friend, and they started arguing over which game to play – bakery vs. chipmunks making poop pie. Now call me out of touch with the youths, but I personally didn’t see a difference between the two ideas. I suggested they merge the games by one pretending to play bakery, and the other pretending to play chipmunks making poop pie. Sounds reasonable right? Well, it’s fucking not according to these girls.

    The girls condescendingly explained to me that my vision of separate realities would not work for them, and then rolled their eyes at my ignorance. They instead had to agree on a shared reality of what they were playing, even though what they were playing was pretend. I had assumed that since the game existed purely in their imaginations, it didn’t really matter what the other person was imagining – but I was goddamn wrong. It mattered a fuck of a lot to these girls, and was worth spending the next 20 minutes negotiating with the complex nuance of a Palestinian freedom fighter and Israeli soldier. These kids refused to continue playing their fantasy game until they had agreed on a common understanding of their imaginary experience.

    The sharing of reality was crucial, even inside a make-believe world.

    I think we can all learn something from this bakery vs. chipmunks making poop pie saga, mainly that my kid is weird as fuck for insisting chipmunks make poop pie when everyone knows they actually make diarrhea flan – but that’s just semantics. But the other lesson we can glean is just how vital it is for people to have a mutual understanding of their perceived reality both on the micro and macro levels.

    If you’re in a relationship with someone, living with them day in and day out, waking up with them every morning to see their face, going to bed with them every night with their breath on you – you know, the romance of being in a long-term committed relationship – then you also know how important it is that you both analyze your dynamic in a similar way. Sharing reality with someone is the only way to keep things functional. If you and I were together and we got into a fight because I was an asshole and you were an asshole, our common understanding of our individual asshole behavior would be imperative to coming back together. I would HAVE to see how thought I was an asshole, just like you would HAVE to see how I thought you were an asshole. If we both agreed on our asshole behavior, then peace could be made. (PS that agreement would consist of you admitting that you were the asshole and how the whole fight was actually your damn fault okay? GET IT!?)
    Yet if you don’t own your part of the equation when shit goes down, you don’t share a common reality of what happened, and then things then fall apart. When you refuse to look at yourself or be honest about how your actions impact others, then it’s easy to justify whatever behavior you want. You can become indignant and stuck in a paradigm of feeling superior. Yet part of being in a relationship with someone is learning how to understand the effect of your behavior on the other person. You have to be able to admit fault and come to a collective agreement of what happened. That is how we get closure. We have to mostly agree on our understanding of what happened. Of course we will always hold onto our subjective twists, yet the majority of the story needs to be consistent in order to feel emotionally connected.

    The best relationships are the ones where the couple is on the same page when it comes to dissecting their lives together. If you were to separate them and ask them to deconstruct their relationship, their fights, their faults, their main issues, what works and what doesn’t – they would mostly say the same things. When you share the story of your relationship then real communication is happening. When relationships have authentic communication, then it’s more possible to develop deeper intimacy. A major aspect of trusting each other is trusting that you both see things in a similar way. In order for that to be truly achieved, both parties have to be open to candid self-reflection. The more honest we are with ourselves about our motivations, insecurities, and shadow sides, the more honest we can be with our partners.

    We all can behave in ways that suck, or allow the worst of ourselves to sometimes take over – that’s to be expected. Yet when you own up to those parts of you, and those patterns, then it’s more possible to work through them in a real way. In order for that to be accomplished, you and your partner have to set aside your egos and replace the need to be right with the desire to understand each other.

    In the macro sense our shared reality is dwindling by the second, which is why Trump, partisan politics, and the idea of “fake news” is so fundamental. It kind of enrages me that Trump has taken over the concept of “fake news” because that used to be a hyper-progressive lefty thing. When I was in my 20’s I was always talking about fake news too – but what I meant by it was the corporate controlled media that had a vested interest in censoring information to protect their economic agenda. I would go on and on about Diebold and the voting machines being rigged in Florida so Jeb Bush could hand the presidency over to his brother. At that point the Internet was just starting to question official stories like 9/11, and I was ripe to eat up all the information about the lizard elite and their secret societies. Yeah fine, maybe I was off the deep end a bit and a little too open to aliens being the answer to all I didn’t understand, but I also think there was validity to questioning the “official stories” the government was telling me.

    Then the Internet became flooded with information, and as a result there now is an oversaturation of conspiracy. The real conspiracy is that there are now too many conspiracies to keep track of. Maybe that was an intentional move by the “New World Order” to keep us confused? Rather than denying “alternative information” that wasn’t controlled by the corporate media, they decided to allow all of it in order to dilute the brand.

    There are now so many versions of alternative truths that it is impossible to decipher what was what. No matter what you think, you can prove your hypothesis on the Internet. You want to think vaccines are harmless? Well, there is plenty of information that will support that thinking. You want to think vaccines will cause your child to become a mutant and grow scales? You can find that too. No matter what you want to believe, you can reinforce your beliefs with the “facts” on the Internet.

    Then we have Donny Trump yelling about “fake news” which only furthers us from having a collective reality as a society. Yeah maybe it was just as dangerous when everyone thought the New York Times was the Bible, but at least there was a communal story we were all buying into. There was unity in that, even if it was also delusional. The fantasy world we as adults buy into isn’t that much different than the imaginary world Munch and her friend were creating – they both rely on story to keep everything together. But now that there are so many potential narratives to believe, we’re all psychically being ripped at the seams.

    For thousands of years humans have used stories to organize themselves – the two most effective being the stories of religion and the story of money having actual value. Money isn’t real, but a collective fantasy we all agree to, just like religion. These are the fairy tails that have kept humans structured for millennia. It may be scary to think how much make believe stories are the scaffolding we’ve built our entire society around, but it’s true.

    Yet currently in modern America we no longer have a collective story that we’re all connecting to. Maybe that why the “Make America Great Again” slogan was so appealing to so many? Perhaps part of the nostalgia we cling to is how everyone was way more conformist in the past and bought into the story of the American identity? Yeah they were fucked up racist, sexist, homophobic stories designed to make us consumerist drones, but most people told them to themselves and their children. It was the American sexist, racist, homophobic story, until then those damn hippies started unraveling everything, encouraging people to think for themselves and question the narrative that women belonged in the kitchen, people of color belonged in segregated ghettos, and homosexuals belonged in hell.

    I embrace the rewriting of these stories because the past wrote a fucked up plot that I don’t want to be part of, but what are the new stories we’re writing? Some of the stories people are telling themselves today make me question if we’re even the same species. I don’t share reality with the white women in Alabama that voted for Roy Moore! That’s not a bedtime story I’m telling my kid at night. I don’t even know where to begin to find a common reality with those chicks that voted into office a molester? Yet I guess that’s what we have to start figuring out. What is the most base, common reality we share with people and then start slowly building a common understanding. Maybe we both enjoy marshmallows, and we can use that to keep finding common ground, and write a collective story together where maybe, just maybe, a fucking child molester shouldn’t be considered a candidate for senator.

    (Ps if you’re wondering where these delightful/disturbing images are coming from, follow my on Instagram to see my interpretive dance where Trump uses the language of my body to express his heartache after the Roy Moore loss. Toni Nagy)

  • It’s Too Stressful To Care

    For those of you that don’t live in the North East, New England has been having a glorious global warming fall. It’s been so unseasonably warm that I swam across the lake last week. That’s an hour-long swim that I took in late September – sponsored by Big Oil!

    Because I live in the soon to be Tundra of New Hampshire, I’ve been trying to appreciate all these uncharacteristic warm fall days. I push it out of my mind that this is all a consequence of greenhouse emissions being trapped in the atmosphere, because greenhouse gases sound kind of environmental no? How can they be bad if the word GREEN is used to describe them?

    On Sunday The Munch went to a birthday party, and I figured she would be so pumped full of sugar/GMO candy/cake that spending the afternoon at the playground wouldn’t be a bad idea. Munch climbed into the car with her bag full of candy, and I was emotionally prepared for her to eat the majority of it.

    Munch: Mom, we got all this chemical candy from the Piñata at the birthday party!
    Toni: I see that love.
    Munch: I tried one piece and I didn’t like it. It was too chemically. I’m not going to eat this chemical candy. It’s gross.

    Okay, first of all, I can’t believe my indoctrination has worked this well. My kid is so conditioned to believe that chemicals in your food are bad, that she wouldn’t even eat her Gummy Bears. I felt a deep pride that The Munch respects me enough to not only listen to my opinions, but also adopt my values as her own. Yet another part of me wanted her to eat all that chemical candy because fuck authority Munch!!!

    Once at the park, I saw some friends collected together at picnic blanket. I went and joined them, happy to experiencing this lovely day in this quaint community. The whole scene was really sweet. Children playing in the sun, mom’s watching their kids frolic while talking about G-spot orgasms. You know, the usual.

    We were having a good time is the point. Then somehow we started talking about the news and what was going on in Puerto Rico.

    Friend 1: I think that I need to be more informed about stuff.
    Friend 2: Ugh. I can’t. It’s too stressful. I only have so much empathy. It’s hard to have empathy. Things are always happening somewhere. It’s too much. That’s why I live here – in this bubble. I live in this bubble so I don’t have to care.

    Okay so here is where shit starts to get allllllll fucked up.

    Now I had a LOT of opinions about the above statement. A LOT! But I also didn’t know this person very well. It felt super awkward to disagree with someone so violently that I wasn’t even sure I’d met before – especially because we weren’t alone. It’s one thing to have a debate one on one, it’s another thing to school someone in public. And because I am such a people pleaser, it’s hard for me to knowingly make others uncomfortable. Yet at the same time, isn’t my being a people pleaser also about me pleasing myself because I don’t want to make myself uncomfortable because someone else is uncomfortable?

    The second more humiliating problem was just like this person felt it was too stressful to know about the world, I felt it was too stressful to provoke an argument about the 2,000,000,000 ways I disagreed with her. Just like she wanted to live in the bubble of not caring about the rest of the world’s suffering, I wanted to live in the bubble of not having to care about a middle class white woman that thinks it’s okay to not care about the world because you live in a fucking bubble.

    DO YOU SEE THE IRONY!!!!!

    As much as she didn’t want to have to care about the world, was as much as I didn’t want to have to care about her not caring about the world. Just like she wanted to enjoy her day not giving a shit about Puerto Rico, I wanted to enjoy my day not giving a shit about her not giving a shit!

    AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!

    There was also this feeling I had of total impotence. I had no idea how to tell her that she should care about people. I felt the same impotence for that situation that I feel about the trauma that is going on in the world. The same impotence she probably feels about the trauma of the world. There is so much violence, destruction, and gratuitous misery. It’s not like I don’t understand that feeling of not wanting to feel. Yet even though I don’t want to feel, I still feel I have to put myself in the face of feeling.

    Another one of my friends who shares my political beliefs was sitting next to me during this fateful moment. We both just got really quiet and looked down at the grass. My high functioning autism kicked in, and I refused to make eye contact. My social anxiety and fear of confrontation took over my physical form. As much as I wanted to scream, I also wanted to cry. The silence permeated the group. It was obvious that we didn’t agree, and my friend made the suggestion that you really don’t have to do that much to be a quasi-active person or be helpful to others. There were some vague agreements on that, and then the conversation shifted to food politics. If there is anything that white middle class people that live in a bubble can get behind, it’s organic farming.

    I left the park feeling both traumatized caught off guard by this chick’s ignorance. I didn’t have the energy to say anything. I didn’t know how to change her mind, or express my thoughts in a way that wasn’t aggressive. So I helplessly said nothing.

    This is the problem with humanity. We are sheep. Sheep that passively mill around, waiting to be devoured by the corporate and political systems we willingly allow to control us. Flocking about, unconcerned that the wolves lurking in the shadows are ones we’ve actively surrendered to. Yet expecting us to not be sheep may be unrealistic. Adaptation and sheepness have been a major part of our evolution. The fact that we are easily led around by the sheep dog we elect is why we were able to become the successful parasites on the earth that we see today. If humans weren’t sheep, there would be such constant dissent, bickering, questioning, and pontificating that we wouldn’t get much done. Because most of us are sheep, we can be easily organized and controlled. Being sheep is how we’ve been able have the so-called progress of the industrial revolution. There were plenty of sheep to work mindless jobs in factories. Our sheep ways have made it possible to for the few to control the many for thousands of years. We sheep have built pyramids, gone to war, and paved the way for John D. Rockefeller and Mark Zucerberg to have taken over our bodies and minds. It is our sheep ways that have been crucial for the invention of all modern technology and artificial intelligence so the robots will soon rule the planet.

    Yet if we accept our sheep ways, that doesn’t mean we have to be ignorant sheep. We can be knowing sheep- sheep that are interested in evolving. The ability to adapt to our environment was a crucial part of our evolution at one point. The ability to adapt our environment to us was the next crucial aspect of our evolution. Now we have the need to re-imagine our environment because at this is exact moment the earth is trying to shake us off the planet like a wet dog with fleas.

    All animals evolve. We are evolved animals. Now we have to become evolved humans.

    If you are an American, you are one of the privileged people on the planet. If you are white and middle class, you are even more privileged. You can’t have the rational that you were born into a bubble and therefor entitled to stay in that bubble. That bubble was built off the blood of others. That bubble is not clean. No one deserve’s to live in a bubble.

    I benefit off the imperialist and colonialist actions of the United States. Whether I want the government to be secretly destroying Yemen in a covert war or not, I still benefit off of those actions. Even if I don’t want poor black Americans to be incarcerated for absurd drug laws designed to imprison them and force generations into slave labor for the prison industrial complex, I still benefit from those actions. Even if I don’t want Puerto Rico to be drowning, I still benefit from our President refusing adequate financial aid.

    No matter what I want to be happening, all the despicable acts of our government still benefit me, and therefor it’s my goddamn responsibility to give a shit. Poverty, starvation, lack of access to clean water – this is not how life has to be. These atrocities are in direct correlation to political corruption and greed, not because it’s inevitable. The world has the resources for every human to live a descent life with access to the basic amenities. The fact that billions are denied this right is a choice. It is because of misdistribution and a deliberate withholding.

    In America, a large percentage of us can afford to learn and care about the well being of others. Most of us are not in survival mode, wondering if we will ever eat again. For those people, the 20% of American’s that live below the poverty line – I get it, you’re busy. You have yourself to worry about. That’s cool. You have the right to not tear your hair out because of global injustice. But for the rest of us, if you have time to be on Facebook, you have time to care and do shit for others.

    Here’s the lake and sunset that day I swam across… it’s a pretty bubble

  • The News is A Distraction From The News

    I miss the days when celebrity gossip was used to distract us from what was really going on in politics. Remember that? Those innocent times when you’d see this snarky post on Facebook that was like, “while you were busy paying attention to Kim Kardashian’s queef, Obama sent a drone attack to the Middle East.” Then you’d feel all dumb because you did care more about that queef, and thought you heard it from afar.

    Now, because Trump is so goddamn damn insane, the news is the distraction from the news. There is so much fucked up shit that he does, that Trump’s fucked up shit is distracting you from Trump’s other fucked up shit. It’s fucked up.

    I wanted to write about the news this week, but by the time I finish this sentence, Trump already did something else. I can’t keep up! No one can! And maybe that’s the point.

    I used to a conspiracy theorist that believed in the New World Order – that there was this secret group of 1%’ers ruling the planet with their lizard DNA. They were most likely aliens from the Palladien system, and would congregate in secret societies like the Bilderberg Group, or Bohemian Grove. Of course they bathed in the blood of goat fetuses, and were the puppeteers plucking the strings of humanity on the global violin of our so-called collective society. Borders were an illusion as insidious as the economy to maintain tribalism and further divide the humans to keep us from revolting from their Martian manipulation. Everyone thought this right?

    Now I think it’s pretty clear that no one is fucking in charge. Politicians are just actors making us think that someone is running the show, but guess what? We’re on a sinking ship with no captain. No one is in control; there is no grand plan. We are spinning around in a chaotic primordial mess where the government and private sector have merged together into a double helix that rivals the intentions of the Dark Star.

    I’M SO OPTMISTIC RIGHT NOW!

    Considering this, I wanted to share with you my favorite picture of The Munch and me.

    Here we are. Notice how I am about to serenely return my demon child to the cemetery from which I found her.

    May 11, 2017 • Current Events, Political Banter • Views: 755

  • Brangelina Divorce And The Shadow of Police Shootings

    Whenever a shocking celebrity event happens there are a slew of people who will care deeply, and then another subset that will be horrified by the superficial interest in such base level gossip. If I look at my Facebook feed, I have my friends who are posting and pontificating about the Brangelina divorce, and then there are my friends who are deeply outraged – wondering why everyone is talking about a celebrity couple rather than uprising over the blatant murder of Terence Crutcher by police. Then there are those in the middle, which seem like the vast majority, who care a little about both stories – but mostly just keep living their lives.

    We feel there is a fundamental difference between gossip about celebrities and hardcore news, yet in reality they are both the same side of the coin – just a different spectrum. It’s all just information about other people. The difference between reporting about Brad fucking a French actress and police shooting innocent men is the brevity of the consequences. But the “news” is all a form is gossip about others –we just tend to be more interested in the shallow because it’s easier to swallow.

    A famous couple breaking up is a story that every adult can relate to. We’ve all broken hearts, or had our hearts broken. It’s a human-interest story because we can identify with it. Did they break up because he cheated? Well of course he cheated because he cheated on Jen to get with Angelina. Or was it the weed he smoked? Or perhaps the hookers that he may or may not have done coke off their tits? Or perhaps it was because she wants to be a humanitarian and he’s more interested in Hollywood? Did they never have sex because all their kids obliterated their passion and parental privacy? What happened??? I have to know!!

    The crazy thing isn’t that we care about Brangelina – of course we care. It’s a story we can easily wrap our simple brains around. The real crazy thing is that we are SHOCKED by the break up of Brangelina but not really that surprised by yet ANOTHER killing of an innocent person. Oh yeah… that happens. Cops kill black men all the time. BUT OH MY GOD BRAD PITT GOT BORED SCREWING THE HOTEST WOMAN ON THE PLANET???!!!

    Even in the time I was writing this YET ANOTHER unarmed black man was killed – Keith Lamont – who was not only disabled, but READING IN HIS CAR! I know a literate black man is a danger to society and all, but COME ON!

    I think this has to do with the fact that most of us can’t truly grasp a large percentage of the atrocities of the world. Our minds are too limited. It’s like dark matter. We know it’s out there, we don’t deny its existence, but we don’t understand it at all. I can easily understand the concept of infidelity in a relationship. We all can. Shut up yes you can… you have either been cheated on, or been the cheater, so get over yourself. But I can’t even sort of fathom the mindset of shooting an unarmed man in the goddamn heart. In no way can I even put myself in the headspace of what it would be like to fire a gun at another person looking me in the eyes. That story almost feels like fiction to me, where Brad’s alleged affair feels like an undeniable truth.

    Humans are innately empathetic, but most of us need a frame of reference in order to elicit compassion. We require a scaffold to build our comprehension of an event around. So when I hear about Syrian refugees I know that it’s terrible, and I want the horrors against them to stop – but my capacity of really understanding what is going on is drastically limited. Never in my life would I treat a person like these refugees are being treated, so all the stories or videos in the world can’t make me identify with what they are going through. It’s beyond me because I have had zero personal exposure to these events.

    Most people are essentially decent people. Not great mind you… but fine. They maybe lie about small things, cheat at board games, masturbate to your best friend while sleeping with you… We all commit minor infractions against each other daily. But most of us don’t murder, rape, or torture innocent civilians – and that’s why these concepts are essentially so foreign.

    The people who seem to be most impacted by the news are those that feel personally effected by it. People that have had some intimate experience, or have direct subjective fears around these stories. That is why it is so goddamn crucial for humans to exist outside their comfort zone and exhibit curiosity about the experience of other humans on the planet.

    You can’t relate to an abused woman or why she stays with her abuser? Then volunteer at a shelter and talk to one. You don’t understand the impact of a war torn country, then get a passport and visit one. You don’t comprehend why all these black people are questioning if their lives matter, then find the mother of a son who was killed by a cop and ask her.

    We will never understand the suffering of the world from behind our computers or TV screens. It’s too confusing to receive content about world events on the same medium we watch entertainment on. Yeah the news tells me innocent kids are being bombed, but that same box on the wall tells me spaceships fly around in Star Wars. Sure my computer can blatantly show me a man with his hands up getting killed, but that very same device shows me silly videos of a bear snuggling a parakeet while wearing a birthday hat. Fine that newspaper has a picture of yet another oil spill, but it also has this really pretty picture of Jennifer Lawrence.

    We have to live life to understand it. We have to expose ourselves truly to how fucked up the world is to believe it. You don’t feel the impact of environmental catastrophe until a hurricane rips your house out from under you. Global warming is just an idea, a concept, until you run out of water and are drinking your own pee.

    We Americans have a long history of allowing trivial stories to seduce away from the genuine atrocities of thew world – but it’s not because we don’t care. It’s because we are too damn sheltered!!! Talking about this shit on Facebook and posting stories isn’t enough. We have to do things outside of our homes, stretch ourselves beyond our normal routine and sacrifice our time – that precious time that we spend liking and poking each other.

    But who knows, maybe while you’re out there in the world trying to actually see it with your own eyes you meet a person who you can gossip about Brangelina with?

    Who wants to look at the yucky oil spill in Alabama when Jennifer Lawrence is sooooooo pretty!!

    la-oil-spill-503-768x513

    dec04-2015-1392-jennifer-lawrence_612x380

    September 21, 2016 • Current Events, Environmental Impact, Political Banter • Views: 778

  • The KKK Comeback

    I never thought I’d see this in my lifetime, but it looks like the KKK is having a renaissance. I would even call it a comeback – LL Cool J style! How are they being taken seriously by popular culture? Who is representing them? Is it Robert Downey Jr.’s manager? Or Justin Bieber’s agent?

    How did this happen?

    When I was in the 5th grade, my school took a week to watch the PBS mini series “Eyes on the Prize.” It’s a 14-hour documentary detailing the Civil Rights movement, and uses archival footage to show the atrocities of this time in American History. There are actual scenes of the most horrific acts of brutality against black citizens, including lynching. At the end of every day, there would be a room full of 11- year olds in tears, totally confused. We couldn’t wrap our heads around how this intense violence had occurred in this country.

    I remember being totally dumfounded as to how anyone could be so cruel. The images of the KKK rallies where they burned people alive were burned into my retina. The Klan were the monsters of my childhood.

    When I was in my early 20s, the KKK announced they were going to have a public rally in New York City. Thousands showed up to protest them. When I got to the rally site, there were so many people surrounding the Klan members that it was almost impossible to see them. I climbed up on a mailbox, and could only make out ten KKK members amidst a sea of angry activists.

    They looked so pathetic in their little white outfits, all huddled together. It was almost hilarious – their hoods flopping in the wind like a sea of flaccid penis. I almost felt sorry for them. Yes the history of the KKK is one of total horror, but that day they were just a bunch of absurd racists gripping onto their hateful beliefs.

    The KKK appeared to be a pitiful group of terrified terrorists, too irrelevant and ridiculous to cause terror. I couldn’t take them seriously. Their outfits alone betrayed how ridiculous they were as an organization. While racism remained a rampant problem in this country, but the symbol of the KKK seemed to be dying. They felt irrelevant, outdated, and in desperate need for a fashion makeover.

    NEVER IN MY LIFE DID I THINK ANYONE WOULD TAKE THE KKK SERIOUSLY EVER AGAIN!

    Until now.

    There have been serious debates by serious people about this issue. Jeffery Lord and Van Jones had a serious conversation about the KKK – Jeffrey Lord tried to argue that is actually the Democrats who are dividing people by race.

    No, the KKK aren’t dividing people. Not the people who have a history of TERRORIZING A RACE OF HUMAN BEINGS. Nope, wrong. It’s the democrats who are always whining about how black people are oppressed that are the true dividers. They are the ones seeing color by caring about how black people are treated.

    This is the NEWS you guys! CNN!!!! Not a Saturday Nigh Live skit. Actual educated people in the Republican Party are defending Trump for not distancing himself from the Klan. This is not the Dave Chapelle Show. THIS IS REAL LIFE!

    Who ever is responsible for this re-branding of the KKK, where serious people are having serious conversations defending them, also needs to work with Lindsay Lohan and Kanye West to help them take back their careers.

    March 2, 2016 • Current Events, Political Banter • Views: 1875

  • Did “Back to the Future” Predict 9/11?

    Do you remember your first time? What you were wearing… who you were with… how you felt inside – that bubbling anticipation of not knowing what it was going to be like. I do. I was 21, stoned, with my boyfriend, and eating an insane about of cookie dough – which I continued to devour the entire time. Although I think I fell asleep for a few minutes in the middle.

    We are talking about the same thing right? The first time you watched a conspiracy theory video.

    Now I know you can think I am a nut job for entertaining this type of content. I am not saying conspiracy theories are God’s truth, but let me just give you something to contemplate. In Ancient Greece, the one thing that EVERY person had to participate in, whether you were a man, woman, child, or slave, was watching the plays. It was mandatory to attend the theater, because that was the strategy that got people emotionally invested in governmental decisions and war.

    Something worth considering before you judge me MOM!

    Back to my first time; I lost my “thought virginity” in 2001, with a VHS tape. YES! SO GOOD! The video was called “A Funny Thing Happened on The Way to the Moon,” and was about how the moon landings were faked for political gain and corporate corruption.

    Now I am not saying the moon landing was faked… but I am also not saying it wasn’t.

    I then got into Alex Jones, and entered into a void of conspiracy theories that only grew once Youtube came on the scene. “Zeitgeist,” “Loose Change,” “Room 237…” the list goes on and on and on and on. Subjects like our alien ancestors, The Bilderberg group, the ruling lizard elite, the Federal Reserve, the Amero, how we don’t actually have to pay taxes… I have seen them all.

    Eventually I stopped watching these videos because I stopped smoking weed. But guess what I started doing again? Smoking weed and watching conspiracy theory videos – you’re welcome world.

    So my brother and I got high over the weekend, and decided to enter into 2 conspiracy vortexes. The first was about how the movie “Back to The Future” predicted the 9/11 terrorist attacks. Keep an open mind okay!!!??

    At first my brother was unimpressed with the video. We are both conspiracy theory aficionados, and I wanted him to be impressed by my selection. Yet the narrator kept repeating himself, and it felt pejorative to assume we needed information to be echoed so many times.

    My Brother Laszlo: Yeah, yeah I know this already. The time on the clock is 9:11 upside down. The mall where the terrorist attack took place was called “The Twin Pines” mall. I’ve seen this stuff before.

    I started to momentarily panic. Partly because I wanted my brother to be as blown away as I had been by the video, and partly because I was super high, and realizing I had NO COOKIES IN THE HOUSE!

    As the video delved deeper, it divulged that not only did Robert Zemeckis’ “Back to the Future” predict 911, but it also implied that the official story is a fabrication. It goes on to say that Zemeckis’ new film “The Walk,” about Philippe Petit’s 1974 high wire walk across the twin towers, is “the reveal” about the 9/11 warning.

    My Brother: Okay… I’ve never heard this before.
    Toni: Phew!

    In the movie “Back to the Future,” Marty McFly gives Doc a letter warning him about the terrorist attack he will fall victim to. When doc asks, “what’s the meaning of this,” Marty replies, “You’ll find out in 30 years!” Just like how “The Walk” is being released exactly 30 years after “Back to the Future.” AND… now get this… When Marty McFly comes back from the future to talk to Doc, he is wearing the SAME outfit as Joseph Gorden-Levit in the “The Walk.”

    What happened next I am not sure because I was thinking about making a second dinner…. but I do know there was some illuminati influence implied as well.

    My Brother and Toni: The illuminati… yes… of course…

    The video also explained that awareness of the screen, and touching the screen, is what exposes the wizard behind the curtain. Knowing about media manipulation is the main objective of these Zemeckis films. Supposedly, Zemeckis is suggesting that through unveiling the illusion of the screen, we will find the truth.

    My Brother: Wait what? So how did Zemeckis know about 9/11? Did the aliens tell him? And who was this Philippe Petitte guy that the new movie “The Walk” is about? Why did he walk across the towers in the first place?

    Toni: I don’t know? Maybe it is like you said earlier… that Philippe walked across the towers to inspire awe, wonder, and to get people to look up?

    But at this point we were too freaked out to believe anything good.

    My Brother: But what if it was some death ritual? Look at these skyscrapers… aren’t they reptilian? Maybe there was something more sinister going on, and he was suggesting that we worship these monoliths? I don’t want to worship a monolith. It is all so transhumanist! AHHHHHH!!

    Toni: AHHHHH!! What does it all mean!!??

    We were fully terrified. Because WHAT DOES IT ALL MEAN!?

    Then we decided to go into a “flat earth” quagmire. I mean we were high after all, and that is the perfect time to wonder if the world is actually flat.

    Okay so I am not saying the world is flat… I’m just not saying that it isn’t.

    The “flat earth” videos are pretty next level. We had to watch a few of them, and I still don’t really understand the argument. Some of the videos were deconstructing how satellites don’t really exist, which some how suggests flat earth. These videos had a SUPER complicated explanation about how satellites HAVE to be virtual and used science words. Then there were a lot of experiments using balloons, and how if you let one up in the air, it shows that there is actually no curve of the earth. Another video was going on about how the sun gets bigger the higher you get, and maybe the sun is actually only 40 miles away? I mean, I’ve never been to the sun so I don’t know!?

    Toni: Are they basically suggesting that the world is in a 2 dimensional plane?

    My Brother: Yeah, like how the UN map is a flat depiction of the globe. You can still sail from here to China in either direction, but you are not going around in a 3rd dimension. And I guess they say there is some glass dome on top of the earth that contains us.

    We then looked at the map of flat earth.

    Toni: Okay, but what if you just sailed a boat that way?? Wouldn’t that bring you to the edge?

    My brother: Well, we have to watch another video to explain that part. But they say that beyond the ocean is a big wall of ice, and on the other side of the wall is where the aliens are.

    Toni: Kinda like Game of Thrones?

    My Brother: Yeah. And that is why the aliens got so pissed when we had nuclear explosions. Because they felt it. Even though we are imprisoned in this little zone, they are still impacted by our actions.

    Toni: But what about all the pictures we have seen from space of the round earth?

    My Brother: I don’t know? And what about all the astronauts who said they went to space?

    Toni: Are they all just mind controlled? They never went up, but think they did because they were given too much acid at MK ultra?

    My brother: I’m not saying they are mind-controlled. But I’m not saying they are not.

    Toni: I’ve personally never explored space. I’ve just left it up to other people to investigate.

    My Brother: Right, and then we just believe the information that we are given from their discoveries. And since they already did it, we don’t have to.

    Toni: All the visual proof of the world being round is pictures and videos. And if you think about it, pictures and movies are what we use to trick ourselves into believing fake stories like “Star Wars.” At least momentarily we believe them so we can stay captivated by the narrative. That is why movies make us cry, laugh, whatever… because we suspend belief. We knowingly seek out fantasy through movies, but we also uncompromisingly believe things we see on video in the “news.” We use the same tool of manipulation for truth and for fiction.

    My Brother: Exactly! It is just like the “Back to the Future” thing! We are controlled through media! Knowingly and unknowingly! Maybe we are living inside an M.C Escher painting. That is the Matrix… which begs the question, “do you feel betrayed?”

    Toni: Exactly. Wait, but why would “they” want us to think we lived on a round earth?

    My Brother: I don’t know. And who benefits from other people exploring for us, and telling us the “facts” of our “planet?”

    Toni: I don’t know

    My Brother: You know, thinking you know things to be true, kills the curiosity of finding out for yourself.

    Toni: YES! Thinking you know – kills curiosity! THAT IS IT!

    Okay yes all this is totally nuts, and yeah we were super high. But you know what? Obama refuses to meet with the “flat earth” advocates… so what does that mean? Maybe they are right? Or maybe they are totally crazy and the president is super busy and doesn’t have time for crazy conspiracies.

    The reason why conspiracy theories interest me is because it is questioning the official story. There is an agenda to history, news, and media. It is a powerful tool that changes the way people think. But it is not that I believe every crazy video I see either. I would watch a conspiracy theory about how conspiracy theories are made by the government to distract us from the actual truth of what we are being told by the government. Totally! Maybe! Who knows! I just want to come from a place of curiosity.

    Here they are for your enjoyment…

    October 19, 2015 • Current Events, Family Drama, Musings, Political Banter • Views: 1107

  • It is not the post you like, but the person who posted it

    If I post something on Facebook and nobody likes it… am I still a real person? Or do I melt away into the postmodern quantum conundrum of oblivion? If the parallel universe of social media conflates with real life, will I fade out of the picture like Marty McFly in “Back to the Future?” Can I exist in both worlds if one of those ecospheres doesn’t acknowledge my updates? Who am I if nobody likes me?

    Public validation and social currency have become the life-blood of existence. In order to survive these modern times we need food (organic), water (without toxic chemicals), shelter (that will endure the pending global warming catastrophes), wifi (obvi), and 1 click gestures of adoration.

    I check my social media partly to see what you are up to – but mostly to see what you think of me. Did you like that thing I posted about that thing? What about that picture of me? It was kind of silly so I don’t come off as vain, but cute enough where you still think I am cute. What about that comment I made about whatever you wrote about? Did you like that I commented on it? Did you comment back? Hello… Is anybody in there? You guys, I am uncomfortably numb!

    (If you didn’t get that Pink Floyd reference, then please listen to more Pink Floyd while high on acid… thanks).

    I am one of those people who gets some “likes,” but not a TON of “likes.” Enough “likes” to feel sort of “liked,” but not enough to feel revered.

    There are people who get hundreds of “likes.” I am jealous of those people. I don’t think they are posting better shit than me? Their dumb baby isn’t cuter than mine! I also share articles about race wars and dying bees! So why are people “liking” their stupid statuses more than mine? Ohhhh right… because it is not always the post you “like,” but the actual PERSON posting it.

    Facebook “likes” are ways we connect to people. We don’t just “like” for the sake of “liking,” but so that person will NOTICE our “like.” It can be a flirty “like”, an act of friendship “like”, or even a way to kiss someone’s ass “like.” Sometimes I “like” someone’s crappy crap just so they will one day “like” me, Toni, the human being. We “like” for all sorts of reasons beyond “liking” the actual content presented. Sometimes I don’t even read what I “like,” but I want the person to know I like them so I do it anyway.

    I think I have become a “like” slut ☹

    But I am also an equal opportunity “liker.” If I am floating down my feed and see someone post something with no “likes,” I will like it!! I can’t let you go down like that. Even if I don’t like the post, or you that much… unless you are a crusty dick hole and talking about sodomizing seals, I will probably “like” it for the sense of comradery. You are not alone in the world. I am here for you – validating your existence and contribution to the interwebs!

    It feels good to collect “likes”- even though you can’t trade them, or cash them in. They aren’t exactly practical, but they are addicting. “Likes” are like my self-esteem. Yet the tragedy of the high of being “liked,” is that we inevitably feel the low when we are not. Man… if I am going to feel this yucky every time I look at my computer, I might as well get into hard-core twin porn.

    The insanity of it all is that adulthood is supposed to be that time of life when you finally don’t give a fuck. You don’t need your parent’s approval. There aren’t any popular kids on the playground to impress. This is our moment to be our authentic selves, and not give a shit about shit. But now I have to feel bad about myself if only 2 people “like” the article I posted that Bill Moyers wrote about Ferguson. What the fuck? He had some really important things to say!? Don’t you “like” me enough to “like” the things I want you to read?

    (How can you not “like” me? I wear sweaters with hoods that I have had since college, and my eyes are tired from spending too much time in front of a computer!?)

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    December 8, 2014 • Musings, Relationships • Views: 2127

  • Breaking The Internet With An Ass

    You guys… a photo of Kim Kardashian’s ass is breaking the fucking internet in half!! Why you ask? Because it is just SOOOOO WORTH TALKING ABOUT!!! People are so irrationally inspired to communicate about her shiny butt that the interwebs will clog with opinions and semen!!!

    Is this image photo shopped?

    Does she have ass implants?

    Should we shame her for being slutty and a mother?

    What does this mean about modern femininity and the objectification of the female form?

    Does anybody have Kleenex?

    Do you see what I am doing here? I am making fun of talking about Kim’s ass while still taking about Kim’s ass!! I am winning!! I am making you think I am totally above talking about her butt, when in fact I am not. And neither are you because you are reading this!

    Kim Kardashian’s ass IS breaking the Internet because we secretly want it to.

    This is it. Right here. The problem with humanity. Even though most of us care about the destruction of the environment, endless wars, political perversion, the Federal Reserve, corporate corruption blah blah blah, we are also still vastly influenced by our primal brains. Seeking out complex philosophical profundity is hard work, where basic visual titillation is not.

    Our higher rational mind is something we have to train, cultivate, and challenge while our reptilian instincts are so easy to access with little to no effort. Even intellectuals who scoff at the absurdity of modernity and would never stoop so low as to validate pop culture references, will still look at Kim’s ass FIRST if paired next to a dissertation about NATO’s impact on the world’s economy. Maybe even just a quick glance, but I guarantee their eyes would helplessly be drawn to her ripe cheeks.

    It is not our fault that we are mesmerized by her crack. Its’ abyss is pulling us towards a simpler and safer place than the cold dark truth of reality. Thinking, analyzing, and critiquing existence is exhausting. Getting lost in Kim’s buttocks is not. In fact, it’s relaxing. I can just picture myself cozying between her mounds and forgetting all the stresses of life. When sandwiched between her cheeks you don’t have to think about global warming, but instead can melt into the pink warmth of physical comfort.
    It doesn’t take a rocket scientist to dissect why people are drawn to simplistic celebrity news rather then complex political theory. Thinking doesn’t necessarily make you happier. Although willful ignorance is not exactly admirable, it is understandable. Rather than questioning the long-term implications of Russia’s courtship of China, we turn our attention towards concepts that are easier to grasp and hold onto…like a ripe rump.

    We don’t have to beat ourselves up for this impulse. It’s natural to avoid pain and prefer pleasure, or at least ease. The ideal human condition isn’t to abandon all frivolousness in exchange for relentless truth seeking. There needs to be a balance between semi superficial pursuits of carnality and academic contemplation. The absurdity isn’t that we want to look at a sweet supple ass. The insanity is that we overcomplicate this impulse and spend too much time trying to rationalize it. Rather than spending our energy talking about serious things seriously, we talk about ridiculous things as if they were serious.

    We want look at stupid trashy shit because sometimes we feel stupid and trashy. There is no need to defend that. Rather than deconstructing the meta meaning of a butt, why not save our energy and do that for shit that actually matters and just enjoy the ass for what it is….a full moon setting in the shadow of existential awareness.

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    November 12, 2014 • Current Events, Education, Musings, Political Banter • Views: 1609

  • Politics Make me Want to Puke, Pee, and Poop (Explaining Voting to My Child)

    Okay… so the GOP swept the house and senate. That happened. I do not consider myself a democrat because I believe corporate interests also control them, but at least there is progressive pressure on their asses – you know, being donkeys and all. From a foreign policy perspective both parties prioritize profit, war, and oil – but when it comes to domestic social services there will be a tangible impact by a republican ruled legislative branch of government. Considering I was thinking of gay-marrying medical marijuana and then aborting our baby for stem cell research to save the lives of immigrant children displaced by global warming catastrophes before attending a rally to raise taxes for atheist convicted felons to stay off death row – things are looking pretty grim.

    I want to be hopeful, but in truth I just want to puke, pee, and then poop. In that order, because if I pooped, peed, and then puked, the puking would be infinitely extended by the existing contents in the toilet. You can poop on puke, but you cannot puke on poop. Sorry I am not sorry about all those visuals.

    Yesterday when going to vote, I tried to explain politics to The Munch. Yeah fine she is only four, so her understanding of government is limited. Yet at the same time she is not that much different than many of the voting adults. Munch isn’t exactly “informed” about the complexity of the issues, but she has emotional reactions regardless. It is not like the vast majority of Americans are talking about the long-term impact of sanctions in Iran, or the fact that the US is currently involved in 134 wars. The discussion isn’t about the petrol dollar, and how the entire US economy is dependent on a scam to trade oil in the US dollar despite our inflating the value. People don’t vote because of vast research, they more likely vote because of party lines or passionate triggers.

    It is not that people are dumb; it is more that the information is hidden behind rhetoric or a misinformed media that is beholden to advertising dollars. Digging for the truth through conspiracy theories about lizard people ruling the planet to harvest human blood for the Palidian elite takes time. Also, it is confusing what to do even when you do spend ample time educating yourself on the ins and outs of the belly button of bureaucracy. It is not that I fancy myself a political analyst; I just know I am being lied to, and the main agenda is money/power.

    So here is my conversation with Munch trying to explain the importance of voting… I think she gets it.

    Munch: Why are we stopping here? What are we doing?
    Me: We have to go vote.
    Munch: I don’t want to go vote. I want to go home and get in my cozy bed.
    Me: So do I. But we have to vote because it is important.
    Munch: What is voting?
    Me: Well you know how we live in New Hampshire? There are these people that we vote into office that we think will best represent our interests.
    Munch: I don’t get it.
    Me: Well, you know how we have laws and rules of conduct? Well, there is a system that dictates this. We vote for people to make decisions about what we can and cannot do, and what we can and cannot get. They also figure out how we interact with other states, and even countries. Basically, the people we vote into office have power over the way we do things. They have the power because they decide where the money goes.
    Munch: Why do we want people to have power? I don’t get it.
    Me: Well, it is a way of organizing ourselves so there is order to humanity. We vote people into power, and they make decisions that affect all of our lives – but that way we can just live our lives and not have to worry about making those decisions.
    Munch: I don’t get it. Why don’t we just all take care of each other rather than people having power?
    Me: I don’t get it either.
    Munch: I have to poop.
    Me: Me too.

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