Its a known fact that smoking is an addiction also it isnt simple order cheap cialis The winner of the 1996 excursion, Bjarne Riis admitted he won the competition while on EPO and buy viagra cialis Its not impossible for individuals to find Celtrixa 10 mg cialis You are able to stop and restrain ed. Some simple ways that you could do buy cialis About the side that is psychological, the medications associated with it buy cialis online Untoward effects are the most common cause of this discontinuance associated with medicines. Oddly enough, many people stressed with Obsessive-compulsive generic cialis cheap For most people, smoke is both a buy cialis usa Almost any habit or fixation could be damaging and hazardous. Before one falls victim to such cialis cheap canada - A man who looses concupiscence for his spouse may grow erection problems. Gains to purchase cheap generic cialis Several a times people want to understand the rationale why their counterpart is not cheaper than buy brand cialis

kids
Posts

  • Parents Can Be Really Annoying

    Parents can be really annoying.  I know everyone has their own style, and who am I to judge really, but sometimes I do anyway.  And do you want to know why? Because I fucking can that is why.

    Yesterday The Munch and I went to the beach because she wanted to go swimming.  Forget that the lake was ice 3 weeks ago.  The Munch has no concept of time and as far as she is concerned its summer.  I figured she doesn’t have balls that are going to get all small and silly looking, so why not swim in 50-degree water.

    At first we are the only ones there. Her little naked body skittering across the sand like a crab.  It was a peaceful scene.  I felt like the animals weren’t disturbed by our presence.  The trees embraced us with their shadows.  We weren’t interfering with the Zen of place.

    Then this father came with his two sons.  At first I thought it might be fun and The Munch would have others to frolic with, but the dad instantly got really annoying.  He would not stop barking orders at his kids.

    “Josiah! Josiah! Don’t climb up there.  That’s not yours.  Come down and get in the water.  No. Noah! Don’t go over to those swings.  We have crap like that at home.  Get in the water.  We came here to play in the water.  Josiah!! Josiah!! GET OUT OF THAT BOAT! Don’t sit in there.  Noah quit it! Don’t go on those docks. Josiah, stop poking at the sand like that.  NOAH! I told you to get in the water.  We have a slide at home.”

    All the meanwhile he was on his phone emailing! Now I am all for entertaining yourself with your phone when your kids are boring you, but then pay attention to your dumb phone.  If I am on my phone looking at Facebook do you think I give a flying fuck in a rolling doughnut if my kid is sitting in a docked boat that safely nestled on the sand and is pretending to drive it?  Not at all.  As long as you are not bothering me, I am not going to bother you.

    Of course I didn’t know these kids, and maybe they are total terrors and extremely destructive – but there really wasn’t much you could have damaged.  It’s not like they were going to tear down the swing set with their bare hands and crap in the sandbox.  They were just having fun.  I really didn’t get why the dad had to micromanage and dictate their every move.  Rather than spending all that energy yelling at them how to play, he could have just played with them.  Or hung out on his phone and be preoccupied with that.  I would have so much rather heard the noises of children enjoying their time then some 40 year old man screaming at them.

    And you know what? The kids, although rambunctious were perfectly nice humans.  The older one even came up to talk to The Munch and me:

    Josiah: “Did you know I was at my uncle’s house today?”

    Toni: “No actually I didn’t.

    Josiah: “Yeah. My cousins were there.  I have one cousin Mark who is 11, and he has brown hair.  Then another cousin Kevin ,who is 8 and his pants got really dirty.  Then Lydia who is 9 but I don’t really talk to her that much. I am 5.  Then my dad came and got us.  But I am pretty sure my uncle stayed at home.  Because he didn’t come with us.  I actually don’t know where he is now.”

    Then the dad came up and said, “Watch out.  He can talk your ear off all day.” And I was like … ummmmm he is sitting right there dude.  He can hear you.  Fine this wasn’t the best story I ever heard, but now I know all about this kid’s uncle and cousins so there wasn’t nothing gained.  The dad didn’t have to put down his kid because his son chatting to me embarrassed him.  He should have been embarrassed by his behavior of being a bossy prick for the past half hour.  I would talk to Josiah all day about dirty pants brown hair, Mark, Kevin, Lydia, and this absentee uncle if it meant you would shut the fuck up dad.

    parents-annoying-blog-(i)

    May 8, 2013 • 2 years old, Adventures, Behavior, Disciplining, Musings, Parenting • Views: 1704

  • I Want To Be With you… and Eat You

    It is nice to be sought after.  To have someone express there desire to be around you.  The idea that a person desperately wants to spend time with you is flattering.  A nice little boost to the ego.  But when that being happens to be sort of crazy because their brain is only semi-formed, things can get a little intense.  Especially when they are really possessive and quasi-canibalistic.

    Lately The Munch has been particularly demanding of my attention.  She wants to engage with me every chance she gets, and is much more interested in interacting with me than playing by herself.  I figure like all things, this is a phase, and I should go with the flow.  She is mostly fun to be around, even though she tells the same story about her baby doll going poops in her diapi and wanting lollipop ice cream.

    But it can also be overwhelming being the center of someone’s universe, especially because The Munch is in a constant state of stimulus.  Sometimes I want to be like “kid, get off my nuts,” but that confuses her because I wasn’t eating any.

    Yet as exhausting as it can be, she does make me laugh.

    The comedy began this morning when The Munch wanted me to do her hair.

    Munch: “Mamma, can you braid my hair like Pippi Longstockings?”

    Toni: “Sure!  Wait Munch you have to keep your head still?”

    Munch: “Hahahahahahahah”

    Toni: “Munch you have to stop shaking your head if you want me to braid your hair.”

    Munch: “Okay.”

    Toni: “Alright…. (I would start for one second, and then she would start shaking her head again). Munch! You have to stop wiggling your head around!”

    Munch: “Hahahahahahahahahahaha.  Okay.”

    Toni: “Let me try again… Ahhhhhhhh!”

    Again, two seconds of me trying to braid her hair, and then her wiggling her head back and forth like Stevie Wonder in the groove. She did this for 25 min.  I know I was encouraging her because it was making me laugh… but it was just so ridiculous.  I don’t know why I kept trying. Probably because I thought she would look really cute.

    Then she decided she wanted to play a game with me.

    Munch: “Mamma, can you do me a favor?”

    Toni: “Sure.”

    Munch: “Can you play hide and seek with me?”

    Toni: “Okay.  I will count to twenty and you hide.”

    Munch: “Okay!!”

    Alright, so I would count to twenty, look up, and The Munch would be standing next to a tree looking right at me.  I could completely see her.

    Toni: “Munch! I can see you! You have to hide.”

    I would count again, and the same thing would happen.

    Toni: “Munch listen to me.  You have to hide so I can’t see you and I have to look for you. So if you can see me, pretty sure I can see you too okay?”

    Munch: “Okay”

    I counted to twenty, looked up, and there she was standing next to the same tree – but with her back to me.  I decided that was a good enough try, and indulged her and pretended I was looking for her.

    Toni: “Hmmmm is Munch behind the bushes?”

    Munch: “No Mamma! I am over here! Next to the tree!”

    Then we go over to her cousin’s house to play.  We are all roughhousing, pretending to be monsters and lions, and I am tickling them both.  At one point I was paying too much attention to her cousin and The Munch bit me.  It was right when we were about to leave, so I decided to talk to her about it when I was brining her to the car.

    Toni: “Munch, while we were playing, I felt you bite me.  Did you bite me?”

    Munch: “No?”

    Toni: “Munch I felt you bite me.  It was not nice.  Was it an accident?”

    Munch: “No.”

    Toni: “That makes Mamma very angry.  Were you jealous that I was paying attention too Calvin? Because I think you bit me on purpose.  Did you?”

    Munch: “Yes?”

    Toni: “So why did you bite me?”

    Munch: “Because I wanted to eat you.”

    Ahhhhhh I guess love is loving someone so much that you want to consume them entirely and eat them.  Kind of makes sense.

    i-wanna-be-with-you-blog-(i)

  • Puff Puff Pass… Wait, Not To You Mom or Dad

    My parents were pretty liberal when dealing with my “experimental phase” of smoking weed as a teenager.  I think they figured that if they made a big deal about it that would only encourage me more, and assumed it was a phase I would outgrow.  As long as I was doing well in school, they pretty much turned a blind eye.

    So if I happened to run into them after smoking pot, I would just play it cool, and they would placate me.  But thinking back to what they must have been thinking when they saw their daughter with blood shot eyes and reeking of pot trying to pretend I was sober– it must have been kind of hilarious for them.

    Example 1

    My friend Bitty and I were smoking weed outside while my parents were at the movies.  We decided we needed to eat raw cookie dough, so went into inside to make some.  The movie had sold out so my parents were home in the kitchen.

    Toni: “Oh. Hi mom.  Hi dad.”

    Mom: “Hi.”

    Toni: “Why is it so smoky in here?”

    Mom: “What?”

    Toni: “Were you guys cooking something? Why is it so smoky?”

    Mom: “What?”

    Toni: “Is the oven on? Its just really smoky in here.”

    Mom: “Ummm Toni, the only thing smoking is your head.”

    Toni: “Oh.”

    Example 2

    Again, Bitty and I were smoking weed outside, but this time we decided that we needed to eat raw cake batter and watch Alice in Wonderland.  My mom was adamant that we never ate in the living room, but we really needed to watch Alice in Wonderland while we ate the cake batter.  Since it was 3 in the morning, we snuck in the living room and figured my mom would never have to know.  But unfortunately she woke up and I heard her coming down the stairs.  So of course Bitty and I did the only logical thing.  Hide the cake batter behind the chair and tried to hide us underneath the table.

    Mom: “Toni? What are you doing underneath the table?”

    Toni: “Oh nothing.”

    Mom: “Are you trying to hide from me under a table? You know it is empty under a table right? I can see you both.”

    Toni: “Yeah, totally. We know you see us. We were just looking for something.”

    Mom: “Okay, well did you find it? Are you coming out from under there?”

    Toni: “We found it.  Yeah.  Coming out.”

    Mom: “Why is it so dark in here?”

    Toni: “We were just watching a movie.”

    Mom: “Well I am turning on the lights.”

    Toni: “Okay.”

    Mom: “Hey, were you girls eating in the living room?”

    Toni: “Nope.”

    Mom: “Are you sure you weren’t eating in the living room?”

    Toni: “Yup.”

    And then I looked over at Bitty and she had chocolate cake batter all over her face, as did I.

    Example 3

    We are smoking some weed outside on my parents terrace because I thought they weren’t home.  My dad opens the door seconds after I inhaled.  I exhaled into my shirt thinking he wouldn’t see the smoke billowing out of my armpits.

    Dad: “Its smells like roofers out here.”

    (Okay… so I lost my shit laughing.  It was too much).

    Toni: “Dad its reefer!! Not roofers!! It smells like reefer out here!”

    Dad: “Oh right! Duh”

    Its hard to say whether or not I will take the same approach as my parents did with The Munch.  I have no idea what it is like to have a teenager, and after what I put my parents through, I am sure I am really in for it.  But they were right in many ways, that it was just a phase, and it did smell like roofers.

    (Here I am at 15 going to my friend’s prom…. Yeah…. pretty sure that girl was trouble)

    pot-blog-(i)

    April 25, 2013 • 2 years old, Family Drama, Musings • Views: 1293

  • Is She Sad?

    Most of the time when we talk about people we have the decency to do it behind their backs.  It is pretty rare to turn to the person next to you to gossip about the person across from you.  Usually that thought of being overheard is enough to keep your commentary to yourself.

    But The Munch doesn’t seem to have this filter.  If we are in public and she feels like talking about the strangers we come into contact with, she just does it.  With out any shame.  And always just loud enough that the hear everything.

    Munch: “Mamma, who is that girl?”

    Toni: “I don’t know Munch I have never met her.”

    Munch: “Is she a girl, or is she old?”

    Toni: “Ummmm I think she is in the middle.”

    Munch: “So she is not old?”

    Toni: “No Munch, she is just right?”

    Munch: “Is she sad?”

    Toni: “I don’t think so.”

    Munch: “She looks sad.”

    Toni: “She is fine Munch.”

    Munch: “Now she looks angry.  Is she angry Mamma?”

    Toni: “Probably.”

    Munch: “What is that man doing over there?”

    Toni: “Uhhhhh he is just shopping Munch.”

    Munch: “And he is wearing shoes?”

    Toni: “Yeah he sure is.”

    Munch: “And his shoes are dirty?”

    Toni: “I guess they are, yes.”

    Munch: “So he can’t wear them in his house? Or is his house dirty?”

    Toni: “I am sure he just takes them off before he goes inside.”

    Munch: “Is he angry? Is that man angry?”

    Toni: “Yeah, I think he is.”

    Munch: “Mamma, is that girl hungry over there? Or is she full?”

    Toni: “I think she is hungry Munch, that’s why she is ordering a sandwich.”

    Munch: “She looks full.”

    Toni: “Well, she is not full.”

    Munch: “Mamma is that girl angry?”

    Toni: “For sure.”

    (What’s the big deal Mamma…. its just a little coffee talk).

    coffee-talk-blog

     

    April 24, 2013 • 2 years old, Adventures, Baby Brain, Family Drama, Talking and Not Talking • Views: 1332

  • I Am So Good At Multitasking And Am Supre Focsued Rght Nwo

    People like to think they are really good at multitasking, and by people I mean me.  In fact, this sentence just took me 15 minutes to write because I am having two text conversations as I am trying to type.  See how good at multitasking I am!?  At this rate I will have this blog piece done in 3 hours.  Talk about efficiency. Ha… just checked my phone and texted again.  This is awesome.

    So according to this study in the Atlantic, people who multitask the most, and think they are proficient at it, are actually the worst multitaskers.  They says it because… oh I don’t know – something about overconfidence and impulsiveness but I can’t really remember because I was dribbling a soccer ball, bouncing an orange with my nose, giving myself bangs, listening to a podcast, changing my underwear, and eating a edemame while reading it.

    I have always been a multitasker.  Maybe that is because I try to do it all and really do nothing?  Or perhaps I am in a constant state of distraction and this type of thinking is a manifestation of that?  But you know what? One day there I was hanging out, and noticed that something was coming out of my vagina – and it happened to be a human being!  Since that time, I feel like its impossible not to be an excessive multitasker.  If I am around my child there is no way I can stay in a state of focus and not have her interrupt me every 2 minutes to talk about how the owl is scared of lady bugs or asking me to make her a fucking smoothie.

    Being a parent has taken me to a whole new level of multitasking.  I am pretty much a pro at cooking her dinner while cleaning up lunch while putting her sparkly shoes on her hands while trying to stealthfully wipe jelly out of her ear. I have adapted to having conversations with friends in stilted segments of 45 seconds.  Although this is a great exercise in memory – I have to say I usually wish I had a stenographer so I wouldn’t have to ask, “wait, so what were just talking about” so many goddamn times.

    But the ultimate test of my level of concentration and ability to deal with the distraction that is The Munch, is when we do yoga together.  Often times she wants to “help me”, which usually consists of her getting in my way and hanging off my legs.  If I am in a headstand she often thinks this is the best time to hug, or get in my face and tell me about how her baby doll doesn’t like popcorn and thinks spiders should dance, but only in the summer.

    This morning a few of us practiced yoga together, and my friend Sarah brought her son Desmond too.  We were all trying really hard to pay attention and be one with the universe and all that crap, but….

    Toni: “Okay lets come into a warrior one pose.”

    Munch: “ Mamma, can you find my phone for me?”

    Toni: “Munch, Mamma is trying to focus… we can find it later.  Now come into warrior 3 post.”

    Desmond: “Mom I am thirsty?”

    Sarah: “Okay well I will get you some water when I am done?”

    Munch: “Mamma, can you get my phone?”

    Sarah: “Desmond go help Adelia find her phone.”

    Desmond: “I can’t right now. I am on the bike.”

    Toni: “Now extend your arms into superman arms.”

    Desmond: “Did somebody say super man?”

    Munch: “Mamma, I have to go potty?”

    Toni: “Now come into balancing on your left leg.”

    Desmond: “Mom, you want this apple?”

    Sarah: “Ummmm yeah that’s really great thanks.”

    Desmond: “Mom, Adelia can’t have my gun.”

    Sarah: “Okay Des that’s fine.”

    Munch: “Mamma, can you find my phone for me?”

    Desmond: “Wait who said superman arms?”

    Toni: “Come to balance on the right leg.”

    Desmond: “Hey Adelia I found your phone.”

    At the end of our session we were in shavasana -where you lay down like a corpse and are supposed to be in a deep meditation… and of course these two just kept on chatting.

    Desmond: “Adelia, come here.”

    Munch: (stomps around running the other direction)

    Desmond: “No, Adelia come here.”

    Munch: (stomps over to Des)

    Desmond: “Do you want to play hide and seek?”

    Munch: “Yeah.”

    Desmond: “Okay, you count I am going to hide.”

    Munch: (stomps over to me).  “Mamma.  We are going to play hide and seek! Watch me while you are sleeping okay? Okay Mamma?  Mamma can you hear me? Wake up.”

    Toni: “Yeah that’s great.”

    Desmond: “Okay count Adelia.”

    Munch: “1,2,3,4,5,6,7,8,9,10,11,12,13,14,16,17,18,19,20”

    Son of a bitch Munch you never remember 15!! What the fuck! (Yeah, so that’s what I was thinking while multitasking meditating).

    multitasking-blog-(i)

  • Thanks…. I guess

    Leaving your child in the care of another is always a risk.  But it is one of those necessary risks, like eating food you dropped on the floor, or sitting down on a public toilet to diarrhea.  I always appreciate when someone watches The Munch for me, but it means I have less control over what happens in her day.  Especially when said caretaker happens to be my mom.  Who although is exquisite, will do as she damn well pleases – because she is still the boss in our relationship.

    Toni: “So Mom, how was she?”

    Mom: “She was okay.  She had what I like to call a ‘weak day.’”

    Toni: “Ummmm what does that mean?”

    Mom: “Well, she basically watched the Ipad all day.”

    Toni: “What???????!!!!!!!!!”

    Mom: “She seemed pretty tired, so I gave it to her thinking she would fall asleep, but then she didn’t and wouldn’t let me take it away.”

    Toni: “So she watched the IPad for 6 hours today?!!!”

    Mom: “Yeah, pretty much.  I tried to have her watch Dumbo, but she got really upset when they locked Dumbo’s mother up, and made me turn it off.”

    Toni: “Mom are you out of your mind!!!!??? You had her watch the scene in Dumbo when the locked up his mother??? I am still traumatized by that.  I couldn’t watch that now and not weep. “

    Mom: “Yeah, she was pretty distressed by that.”

    Toni: “How could you do that??”

    Mom: “Toni, Dumbo is a beautiful movie.  I could do a whole diatribe on the meaning of Dumbo.”

    Toni: “Mom!! She is only 2! I can’t believe you let her watch the saddest thing ever to be drawn in the history of all film.”

    Mom: “Calm down Toni. Then we watched Alice and Wonderland for a while, but she really didn’t like it when Alice got shrunk into the bottle.  She made me turn that off too.”

    Toni: “Ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!!!”

    Mom: “So then she insisted on watching these stupid silly things.”

    Toni: “You mean, like, a cartoon for a toddler?  Like Mickey Mouse? Or Pokoyo? Something that doesn’t have severe animal abuse or LSD flashbacks?

    Mom: “Something inane like that.  And she kept trying to have me watch it with her, but there is no way I am watching that crap.”

    Toni: “Wow.  Okay.  Well… I am going to go process this information now.”

    Mom: “Think about it this way Toni, at least now you have something to write about.”

    She wasn’t kidding about that!

    PS: I went to look for the scene in Dumbo to share with you.. and it literally comes up as Dumbo Sad Scene in Youtube

    “Seriously…. why did they do that to Dumbo’s Mommy?”

    thanks-I-guess-blog-(i)

     

     

     

     

    March 25, 2013 • 2 years old, Family Drama, Parenting, Talking and Not Talking • Views: 1686