I tend to attract really intense people. I wouldn’t call them crazy, but more bat shit crazy. I am sorry you guys, but you are. I love you. Shhhhhhh… it’s gonna be okay.
The kind of person who is balanced, believes in the benevolence of the world, and feels comfortable in their skin is not going to be drawn to me. But if you are tortured, sweat profusely at the thought of your uncertain future, and are passionate about the minutia and ambivalent about the Meta because all life is meaningless – then chances are we are going to be real close.
The people I connect with are complex individuals – that is what probably magnetizes me to them. I see the absurdity of existence, yet I usually maintain an emotional distance from the pain of it all. Even though my fantasy was to be raised by a pack of wolves, I had to settle for WASPs… so needless to say I am pretty repressed. What I appreciate about those who teeter on the edge of sanity is that they inspire me to feel. Without them, my sense of empathy would plateau by my even keel – otherwise known as a severe suppression of all feelings.
I like those who question reality, but the more you question, the more questions you have. The quests for questions are plagued by more questions as the answers slip farther away in the black hole of unknowing. AHHHH I can’t take it any more!
Friendships have always been important to me. Perhaps because my best friend died, I find it increasingly hard to let go of people. I tend to be fiercely loyal. Unless you rape my cat in front of me – I am a pretty forgiving person. Not that I like my cat that much – just seems like really rude thing to do.
It takes a lot to push me away because I believe friendship is one of the safest relationships you can have. Your friends are the people you should feel most uncensored with… as long as you don’t show me your anal leakage. You can tell me about it, but just don’t make me look. Some things are meant to be private. The platonic love of friendship is a unique bond because hopefully the commitment is less about wanting something from someone, but more about appreciating their existence on planet earth.
Even though I idealize friendships, I also feel they can be super complicated. Sometimes someone I really like, and have a lot of fun with, is also SUPER competitive with me. That doesn’t mean they are a bad person, but that does mean the dynamic is tainted by that energy. What I look for most in a friend is someone who is ultimately supportive of me. The kind of chick that would say “yeah, I will do a video with you promoting the usage of eco tampons and allow you to shove your head between my legs while I sit on the toilet. I get believe in your vision.” I mean, that is a damn good friend!
The people who are closest to me get that I am totally nuts, and are still on my team! Just like I am on theirs. Now that The Munch is of the age of making friends, I want to make sure she learns how to not only be a supportive friend, but also seek them out. Young kids play on the edge of being kind and cruel, and experiment with having power over each other. The difference however, is that the stakes are lower. It doesn’t really matter who gets to play with the yellow haired Barbie but when adults act like that, shit can get ugly. Get off my Ken doll you bitch!!
When The Munch was a baby, she didn’t really play with other kids… they just played near each other and fought over toys. Now that she is a kid, she and her friends go off to connect without constant supervision. When I observe her playing with her little buddies, my instinct is to interfere and micro manage how they treat each other. Yet if I hang back and give them a moment to feel their rage, jealousy, or selfishness, they tend to move through it pretty quick.
I guess it is time for me to face the reality that The Munch has a life beyond me. She has to operate in the world by her own set of standards. It is my first moment of letting go. I have to hope that my influence is meaningful, and that Munch is a good person who is supportive. And you know what? She is! Munch wants her friends to be happy, and often makes sacrifices for their joy. But… I also don’t want her to be a total push over – so Munch you get that yellow hair Barbie from your bitch friend.