Sorry I Ate Your Face
A naked guy was recently shot dead because he refused to stop gnawing off the face of another naked man. A story like this incites a lot of questions. The first being why was this man naked? Was his button down shirt inhibiting his capacity to get the best angle to extract the maximum amount of flesh? And why was the other guy naked? Did he take off his clothes before his face was eaten off? Or did the face eating scenario spark the face eater to strip down his victim because he was planning on moving to the torso next? And how long did the cop wait to shoot the face eater? Did he say “Hey you… yeah you… the guy with no clothes on… stop eating that guys face! No I am serious. Seriously stop eating his face right now…” Oh yeah… and why was that guy eating that other guys face at all.
Word on the street is that bath salts are the new meth with a hint of acid, smidgen of PCP, sprinkle of ecstasy, and dash of coke. All those crazy kids are into it these days. Call me old fashion, but I use my bath salts for relaxing. I guess I am really missing out on some fun times. Minus the whole psychotic break down turning you into face chomping maniac part.
What ever happened to taking drugs to expand your consciousness, eat massive amounts of cereal, lose your keys in your pocket, and where the funkiest thing that happens is you realize history is subjective? Do we really need new drugs on the market? Ones that are more intense – and scientific -and made in a lab – and are all synthetic – and chemically… Aren’t the drugs from nature exciting enough? Or maybe face meat just happens to be delicious?