I think we all can agree on the purpose of a bath. The intention being that you might smell fresher than when you entered said bath.  We are on the same page here right? The overall objective is to come out of a bath cleaner than you went in.

So the other day I told The Munch it was bath time, but she wanted a treat for the bath.

Munch: Just one treat Mamma! Only one!

Toni: Dude, you can’t have a treat in the bath.  That makes no sense! Besides, it is too late for a treat.  You have to do bedtime soon.

Munch: Well can I have a vitamin C then?

Toni: NO way.  You already had 4 of those today, and if you eat too many vitamin C’s you will get diarrhea.

Munch: That is okay.

Toni: What?

Munch: That is okay to have diarrhea.  I don’t mind.

Toni: Listen, you will mind.

Munch: Well, can I have a fish oil then?

Toni: Sure.  Fine.  Whatever.  I will go get the bath ready.

Now, I think the first question one might ask is – how is “fish oil” a treat.  And this is a valid inquiry.  One that I am not sure I can fully answer.  I used to get her these fish oil gummies that were like gumdrops coated in sugar that had omega 3’s somewhere embedded deep inside them.  They were called “vitamins,” but they seemed like organic hippy candy.

Of course The Munch adored these pagan pleasures, and devoured them all.  But when we went to the store to buy more, I wasn’t really paying attention, and accidently got a different kind.

This particular variety of vitamins I bought was genuine fish oil, contained by little gelatin capsules.  Because they were for children, they were small balls, not to be swallowed, but actually chewed.  I tried one, and as soon as my teeth made contact, the inside of my mouth was flooded with the taste of fish sprinkled with hint of strawberry.  It was about as appealing as licking the underbelly of a cockroach.  But for some reason The Munch thinks they are delicious.

So The Munch gets in the bath with 4 little fish oil balls, and I continue to keep living my life, not thinking much of it.  Now I am guessing what happened was the moisture of The Munch’s hands penetrated the thin gelatin coating, so the inside started to leak out through osmosis.  When I finally got her out of the bath, she literally smelled like the bowels of the ocean floor.  The scent was so pungent I started to dry heave.

Toni: Munch, you seriously smell like the innards of Satan!  Your fish oil got in the bath! Now I have to drain the whole thing, wash the bath, and then get you back in, and wash you again okay?

Munch: No Mamma no! I was just in the bath! I don’t want to get back in!

Toni: But Munch you smell like fish oil!

Munch: That is okay! I don’t mind!

And at that time of night, you just kind of give up.  And let your child go to sleep smelling like a demon’s vagina.