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Women’s Business
Category

  • Men are Not The Enemy

    Ugh!! These #meetoo stories of sexual assault are fucking me up! Every single woman I know has experienced some sort of sexual violation in her life – EVERY SINGLE ONE!

    With how many stories are being shared you’d think that all men are committing these acts of violence. Yet I feel like I know plenty of dudes that not perpetrators? Right guys? Maybe there are just some really prolific creepy dudes out there dispersing their rapey ways to a lot of victims? Perhaps for every ten stories women tell of some heinous behavior they all stem back to one inexhaustible dude. I want to believe the ratio isn’t as bad as it seems, and it’s more that shitty dudes are shitty to many women rather than most dudes are shitty.

    I wonder what it feels like to be a man right now? How a man that has sexually assaulted a woman- but is regretful- feels when he sees these posts. Do they ignite his empathy? Or inspire him to reach out to the woman he’s hurt and acknowledge his actions? How does a man react that has abused women, but lives in denial about it? Is he becoming more indignant and hateful? Do these women revealing their stories of pain open his eyes to the hurt he’s caused, or just make them seem like whiney bitches? Or what about the man that has never been creepy but is dealing with the burden of gender responsibility? Is he feeling defensive of his male counterparts, or horrified by their actions? I guess I understand that last guy the most because I do live with the guilt of being a white devil. But still, it can’t be easy to have a dick right now.

    I keep hearing arguments of people wanting to excuse the behavior of sexually deviant men through the lens of biology. This pervasive sentiment of, “Yeah it sucks, but that’s the way men are so what can we do about it?” attitude. This type of thinking is predicated on the assumption that because men have exterior genitals, bouncing around on their thighs all day begging to be burrowed in some hole, that they are going to act out sexually as a consequence. Because of this anatomical condition of “dick needing to be satisfied,” these men can’t control their sexual urges. So of course when your face looks like a shoe and you finally have some power to exploit, you’re going to try and fuck Gwyneth Paltrow. These things happen.

    I feel like there are a lot of holes in this logic. Now, I’m not a historian or anything, but I think men have a much greater predisposition to kill not rape. We didn’t evolve from a “raping and gathering” society… but a “HUNTING and gathering” one. Hunting is much more engrained in the male DNA then raping. For thousands of years men killed the shit out not only giant animals like Wooly Mammoths, but also that dude Zog from the neighboring tribe that looked at you funny from behind that rock and because you can’t speak to each other besides grunting – fuck that guy. You don’t know him. You’d spear the shit out of Zog and then continue with you day. There were no lawyers or murder trials in the early days of human history. Accountability for homicide didn’t happen until the ancient Greeks 2,500 years ago. Before that, you could kill anyone you wanted or deemed a threat, and then go home to your cave and eat supper.

    Yet I don’t here people saying in murder cases, “Well, men did evolve to kill, so they just got that blood thirst. Let him have a few sips.”

    NO!

    We have a pretty clear expectation that men should not kill people (unless of course you’re fighting some government provoked war to expand our Empire, or if you’re a police officer killing an unarmed black man. But let’s not get lost in semantics). There is a pretty obvious expectation to not kill each other; even though biologically killing is how we advanced into the species we are today.

    The other problem with justifying rape culture with the rational, “this is the way men are,” is the very wrong assumption that men like sex more than women. Nope. Not true at all. Just because my genitals are tucked in like a suitcase and not flopping around in front of me, doesn’t mean I enjoy or want sex any less than a man. In fact there were plenty of nights that I went out of my house with the sole purpose to find sex. Yet not one of those evenings consisted of me trying to cup a dude’s balls without his consent, or batting his dick around while he was trying to order a drink.

    Men aren’t rapey because they have testes, or because they like sex more. Men are rapey towards women because they view women as objects. They see women as pussies, not people. The patriarchy has insisted women are property to be taken care of by men for thousands of years. Just because we started working and voting a few decades ago unfortunately doesn’t take away that branding. When men treat women like sexual playthings invented purely for their own pleasure, (and care nothing of the pleasure or interest of the woman), it stems from a dehumanizing process that has been in place for millennia. But we can’t confuse social systems with biological imperatives. Just because it’s been this way, doesn’t mean it has to be. This conditioning is a consequence of learned behaviors, not inevitable ways of being. Just like men learned not to enslave people, they can also learn not to rape them. It’s a matter of shifting the consciousness.

    But men are also rapey towards other men and kids. Now what’s that all about?

    Now since I’ve never sexually assaulted a person, so I admit, there is a lot I don’t know about the impetus. But is seems to me that the other person NOT wanting your advances is part of the turn on. The fact that you’re doing something they don’t want, but you do want and you’re getting away with it, is part of the rush. That power you have over them fuels the desire, and is only enflamed by knowing you’re taking advantage of someone weaker.

    Again I think this has to do with socialization. Men have been in power for all of written human history. Power is a part of the masculine identity. Wanting power over another person is the foundation of most of the systems that rule us. Governments and capitalism are built on power over others. This is the social structure we’ve developed, so of course it’s going to get played out sexually. Sexuality is a reflection of culture, and in case you haven’t watched the news in your life, the world is a pretty ferocious place full of people seeking power over other people.

    The concept of wanting power over others is rooted in the structures that we’ve come to accept of how society functions. Until we develop a more cooperative system that is not top down, but rather a collective community of equal and shared responsibility, chances are there are going to be plenty of individuals mimicking the energy at play. If we live in a patriarchy run by a few wealthy men who suck up the majority of the earth’s resources for the benefit of the elite, we’re going have some rapers out there raping people. Yet when we open our minds to a new social structure that isn’t run by the tyrannically forces of the oligarchy and instead honors the need for global collaboration, then we’ll most likely have a hell of a lot less rapers.

    One of the most functional societies in the animal kingdom are ants – and they don’t have a boss bossing them around all day. There is no king, just a queen farting out babies. Ants don’t have a top down colony; they work together as equals and are the most efficient creatures on the planet because of it. When you have a “leader” as an organizational structure, that leader has to constantly re-enforce his power. The “alpha male” of the monkey species doesn’t just chill all day eating bananas. Nope. He has to remind everyone he is the fucking king all day by beating up scrawnier monkeys and trying to fuck all the ladies. That sounds exhausting. Most of the time spent being a leader is reminding everyone that you’re the fucking leader because the second anyone has a moment to think about it, they’re like, “hey this sucks, what the fuck?” Then the leader tries to kill or fuck someone and they’re like “fine whatever.” But the last time I checked, we’ve evolved quite a bit from the monkeys we came from, so maybe we could re-think this way of organizing ourselves. Just like we can change our minds and decide that we actually do like goat cheese, we have the power to change the way we think. So even the rapey dudes out there could become less rapey, if even not rapey at all.

    All men are not the enemy. There are lots of men that want the same changes in society that women do, because they too feel the insanity. There are even men that have fallen into the traps but are beginning to see the error of their ways, and are trying to get out. We got to pull those dudes up! If their arms are extended, grab one! We have to be flexible to the possibility that a lot of this horrible behavior they wish they hadn’t done too. If we are open to forgiving them, maybe they will be more open to apologizing and changing?

    But of course there are going to be some guys that burrow deeper into the cave of darkness trying desperately to hold onto a past paradigm. They will dig their heels in and believe that women deserved whatever tragedy had befallen them. They will continue to commit acts of misogyny and violence again and feel totally justified. They will champion men, and further denounce the rights of women – hence the every growing men’s right’s movement. And to those guys… ummm… hmmm… wow…. Lemme think… Jeeze… Good luck to you, and may the best man win.

  • Maybe you shouldn’t masturbate at people?

    Wow. You guys. Life just keeps getting better huh! I mean every time I sit down to look at the news and see such great stuff like Harvey Weinstein masturbated at a woman, I think to myself, “Man, what a wonderful world.”

    I mean, who masturbates at another person? How do people come up with this stuff? And what is the thought process behind this rational? How does someone’s brain start firing off the synapses that say, “Oh, huh. I see this woman is not interested in me sexually and is actively refuting my attempted physical invasion in this restaurant kitchen – a totally appropriate venue to try and fuck a stranger mind you. No worries. I’ll just pull out my flaccid pink dick, and then rub it really fast at her. After a good few minutes of furious hunched over tugging at my dick, it will spew some semen and pulse for a bit while still dripping cum onto the floor. Yeah. That’s a good idea. That’ll show her to not be not attracted to me.”

    Can you imagine a woman doing this to a man? Also it would be such a more complicated and involved process because chicks often have more of a ritual when it comes to their masturbating technique. Unlike Harvey’s uncanny talent of being able to stand erect while yanking, we ladies tend to set the mood.

    Can we just envision a female Hollywood executive cornering a young hot man with her aggressive advances, and then reacting to his rejection with, “Oh yeah, you don’t want me? Well I’m just gonna masturbate AT you then. Hold on a second. I just have to light some of these candles first. Maybe put on “No Ordinary Love” by Sade. Now I have to find my pillows. Wait sir, could you just lay down on the floor with me so we can maintain eye contact? I have to lie tummy down, but my pelvis has to be positioned just so. Wait, can you pass me one more pillow, I need just the right angle. Okay that’s great. Actually can you also go turn on the fan for me because I like to drown out my thoughts with the white noise? Okay perfect, thanks. Now I’m just going gyrate around like this for a bit, but make sure we keep looking into each other’s souls okay? Hold me.”

    I’m sure women are not the only victims of high power executives in Hollywood wanting sexual favors in exchange for that great role in Alvin and The Chipmunks 7. This kind of culture is rampant in tinsel town. Men experience it too. I’d bet many men trying to “make it” also have stories of other men being sexual predators towards them. Men abuse men as they do women; it’s just even less talked about because there is all this gay shaming in our great nation. If you’re a heterosexual man you’re even less likely to talk about sexual assault from another man.

    It’s hard for me to relate to the psychology of someone who gets off on abusing others sexually because call me old fashioned, but I kind of like it when my partner is genuinely attracted to me. I can literally think of a thousand better things to do with your dick rather than forcing it on someone who doesn’t want it starting with seeing if an M&M fits in your pee hole. Of course as we all know too well rape culture exists everywhere not just Hollywood, yet the fame of Harvey Weinstein makes this very common occurrence news worthy.

    But here’s my question. Were you surprised when you heard that Harvey Weinstein was a rapey monster? Nope. I don’t think you were. Your reaction was probably a lot like mine. “Yeah that makes sense. I can see that.” His face looks like a banana peel. Rich and powerful men that didn’t get laid in high school are primed for a lifetime of exploiting their money and influence to exploit women. We’ve seen this before.

    What I am surprised about, but shouldn’t be, is that fact that his wife is NOT STANDING BY HIS MOTHER FUCKING SIDE BUT INSTEAD IS STANDING WITH THE VICTIMS!!

    Georgina Chapman recently said: “My heart breaks for all the women who have suffered tremendous pain because of these unforgivable actions. I have chosen to leave my husband. Caring for my young children is my first priority and I ask the media for privacy at this time,”

    Is it sad that I am astonished by this!? Hell yes! My shock at her leaving him is sadder than my lack of shock that jerk off Harvey was jerking off on people. How fucking tragic is it that I was more astonished by her actions than his?????!!!!!!!!!

    So many women have loyally STOOD BY their dick face husbands when accused of rape. Even one woman is one woman too many.

    The trauma of sexual assault doesn’t end with the event happening to you, but continues as you suffer the constant questioning of your story. If you were robbed no one would ever ask you, “are you sure you were robbed?” or assume you were lying about being robbed for attention. There also wouldn’t be this covert public acceptance of, “well, sometimes you just have to be robbed to get what you want.”

    I get that when you are robbed you have property taken from you that you could “prove” is now missing, but when you are raped a lot is also taken from you – it’s just harder to point to because you don’t have a receipt for that piece of your soul.

    It’s one thing to have to relive a horrific event in your memories; it’s another to have your painful experience then doubted by others. That must not only exacerbate the pain, but also dig it in even deeper. One of the worst experiences is when someone thinks you’re lying when you’re not, and when it comes to sexual assault, there will ALWAYS be a population of people not trusting your side of the story because you might just be admitting this deeply humiliating incident because you wanted to be in the papers. You know how ladies LOVE getting press about rape. It’s so good for their personal brands and all.

    Everyone who is openly standing against Weinstein is sending a crucial message. That message shouts out to all the victims of sexual assault who felt they couldn’t tell their mothers of their experience with incest because they feared they would be blamed for their father’s abuse. These words speak out to all the women who held in their suffering because the horror of not being believed was too much to risk. It speaks to all the women who exposed themselves and their pain by pointing out their assailants in the face of being interrogated as if they were asking for it, or acting as if their assault wasn’t really that bad.

    BUT…

    Now this is a big but. SOOOOO MANY PEOPLE were complicit to Weinstein’s horrid ways, including his wife. There is no way she didn’t hear the many rumors about her husband, because it turns out that fucker’s fuckery was the talk of the town for the past 30 years. TONS of people covered up his actions because they’d rather work with him than against him. Again, maybe I’m just a stickler, but it wouldn’t take a media frenzy for me to look into my husband being a raper. I would just have to hear one whisper of his raping ways, and you bet your sweet ass I would figure out if that shit was true… which it PROBABLY IS BECAUSE THE PERCENTAGE OF FAKE RAPE ACCUSATIONS IS PRETTY DAMN LOW!

    At this point anyone defending Weinstein looks like an idiot, so yeah, it’s on trend right now to distance oneself from his rapey reputation. I can’t get too Pollyanna about Chapman leaving him, or any of those people finally coming to the side of the victims. Too many of those same people not only turned another cheek, they rotated it all the way around like Reagan in the exorcist. That also sends a goddamn message to all the rape victims out there that tried desperately to get help and told someone they hoped would care that ended up plugging their ears instead.

    Men raping women is one thing. The hundreds of people that sit by and do nothing as men rape women is another thing. The fact that money, power, influence, and movie studios buys your capacity of being able to force yourself on others while everyone around kind of knows but what are you going to do about it…. says a lot about how much we value these things. No one was taking personal responsibility about knowing Weinstein was a raper just like he wasn’t held responsible for his raping ways.

    It took 30 years and many settlements to take this dude down, so it’s not looking good.

    Maybe the only way things will change in the future is if people who aided and embedded this asshole are also charged. The type of person that is pathological enough to rape someone is pretty far gone psychologically, but the bystanders who let it happen are kind of just regular people. If we can’t stop maniacs developing that would feel entitled to rape, we can for sure put the fear of god in anyone who knows and does nothing. People get charged with being an accessory to a crime when it comes to murder, so why not sexual assault?

    October 12, 2017 • Current Events, Sex Stuff, Vagina Stuff, Women's Business • Views: 2223

  • The Male Plight

    The other day I was at rehearsal for my belly dance company, and was working with a cane as a prop. As the other dancers and I were chatting and figuring out our positioning, I did what any normal adult woman would do with a cane – put it between my legs and pretended to have a penis. I then of course started to stroke it… because I’m a grown up.

    This obvious display of my maturity got me thinking about genitals in general. Looking at my cane wiener, I realized how vulnerable men must feel to have their cock and balls exposed to the world. The exterior positioning of the flopping male genitalia make men more susceptible to danger. They have to walk around with their most sensitive bits unprotected, flailing and bouncing about indiscriminately. Perhaps because of this anatomical liability, men often filter the majority of their negative emotions through a lens of aggression – as a preemptive strike to compensate. It doesn’t really matter what they are feeling – embarrassed, scared, hurt, ashamed, lost – the way they express those feelings often through a lens of anger. I believe that the reason we have nuclear war is because men have to protect their dicks.

    Women don’t have the problem of our privates being public. We are all tucked in, like a suitcase. I think that’s why women are generally less violent. Yet we do have this gaping open wound that is constantly leaking, which is why women often express their emotions through tears. We cry when we’re sad, when we’re happy, when we’re lost. We cry because much like our weeping vaginas, it’s hard to hold in emotions when there is a giant HOLE IN YOUR BODY.

    Then of course we have the pageantry of our periods to contend with. We can’t just wear a long skirt and allow our menses to flow freely. Nooooo. It would be frowned upon to walk around leaving behind you a red trail like a communist snail. Society wouldn’t allow that. We live in a democracy after all.

    As a woman it’s easy for me to identify with the hardships of the feminine experience. As I just did so lovingly for you. Yet it’s also crucial for me to concern myself with the male plight. If I don’t show empathy for the opposite gender, then I can’t expect it in return. In this current Post-Trump paradigm there is so much to divide us as our ideologies and dogmas cloud potential connection. In order to counteract this intentional ploy of the ruling lizard elite to tear communities apart so we are easier to control, I must put myself in the head of a man…’s penis.

    I think one of the hardest parts about being a man in the modern world is having to constantly abide by the creepy rules, even when you’re not creepy. Imagine being a dad with a daughter, and your little girl wants you to play with her and her little friend. Picture these two sweet cherubs innocently requesting, “Tickle us daddy! Chase us around and tickle us!!” As a man you can’t go around tickling other people’s kids! The police would be at your door in minutes. Even when you’re not a sex offender, there is so much that men have to do to ensure that they are not seen as one. It must be hard to have to force yourself to question, “Is my being affectionate going to be seen as being a creepy uncle” all the time. Yet at the same time, the creepy uncle is REAL! We all have one!!!

    There is a burden men carry around because of all the deplorable acts other men have committed. Women are socialized to mistrust men, and first assume they are a threat until proven otherwise. Women are guarded as a means to defend ourselves against potential danger, but the sad truth is that there are many men that we don’t have to protect ourselves from. I am sure it must be really painful to be assumed to be a raper or molester when you are a man who has no interest in raping or molesting.

    So what is the solution to this dilemma? For safety reasons it would be absurd to teach young girls not to be cautious, but the energy of being deemed dangerous when you’re not is psychologically brutal. Women genuinely fear men because of the awful behaviors of men, and as a consequence men react to this rejection with misogyny and sexism. This cultural mistrust between the genders is a feeding ground for division. The more we are steered away from intimacy and towards skepticism, the more fragmented we are, and the easier we are to manipulate.

    My suggestion is much like we need resumes and letters of recommendation for jobs; we also need them for our men. That way you can have men vetted by other women, and not have to live in a constant state of skepticism. For example, when you go on a first date with a guy, you can read his letter of recommendation from his last girlfriend before you drink the cocktail he just bought you. “Brad is really sweet and giving in the bedroom, but he doesn’t unload the dishwasher and leaves his socks on the living room floor.” Huh… looks like Brad is kind of a slob, but isn’t going to put roofies in my drink! Or “Jason will buy you diamonds and take you out to dinner, but he takes selflies in the mirror and will cheat on you.” No way… I can’t live with the mirror selfies Jason! You guys… there is SOOO much potential to heal the gender divide!

  • How About We Stop Trying to Empower Women?

    Women in the Western World no longer face the same blatant discrimination of the past – we can vote, have custody of our children, and participate in the work force by being cogs in the wheel of capitalism slaving away endlessly in a soulless pursuit of wealth just like the boys! But of course that doesn’t mean sexism is behind us. The world is just as rapey as it ever – which is why I created the new “Pussy Protector” that works like a rat-trap and will tear off the hand of any presidential candidate who tries to grab yours. I’m selling them on Ebay.

    The current battle against misogyny in the Western world is a more nuanced, psychological one. A lot of progress has been made in the past 100 years, yet the lingering mental conditioning that women are inferior still remains. Empowerment has become a big theme in modern western feminism, and many think that is the solution we’ve been looking for to address the gender hierarchy. We have to empower women. Women need to be sexually empowered. Woman would be so much better if they just empowered themselves.

    But is the pursuit of POWER really what we should be encouraging?

    Power is a corrupting force. People in power are by FAR the most shady, greedy, selfish, destructive, murderous, and thoughtless people on planet earth. Power doesn’t exist in a vacuum. Power is in direct relation to what you have over others. You never have power WITH other people. That sentence doesn’t even make sense. My autocorrect hated it. You have power OVER others.

    Check it:

    Simple Definition of power
    : the ability or right to control people or things

    : political control of a country or area

    : a person or organization that has a lot of control and influence over other people or organizations

    Full Definition of power
    1
a (1) : ability to act or produce an effect (2) : ability to get extra-base hits (3) : capacity for being acted upon or undergoing an effect
b : legal or official authority, capacity, or right

    2
a : possession of control, authority, or influence over others
b : one having such power; specifically : a sovereign state
c : a controlling group : establishment —often used in the phrase the powers that be
d archaic : a force of armed men
e chiefly dialect : a large number or quantity

    3
a : physical might
b : mental or moral efficacy
c : political control or influence

    I don’t know if we want to be “empowering” women as much as we want to “disempower” everyone! Having power over others is too much for the human psyche to handle.

    I want to believe that if women had more power then we would handle it differently, but that implies women are somehow more morally high-minded then men. If we look at women that have rose through the ranks of power, Margaret Thatcher, Hillary Clinton, Angela Merkel, Dilma Rousseff… it’s not like any of them have been flawless saints. They played the game of politics and power, and compromised just like men do. There are women CEO’s for General Motors, Hewlette Packard, IBM, and I don’t see these giant corporations as righteous. These companies aren’t helping to save us from the transhumanist, apocalyptic, World War 3, nightmare that lies ahead of us.

    There are “good” women leaders, and there are “good” men leaders, but ANYONE who get’s into positions of power can be seduced into making decisions that prioritize their power over what’s best for humanity. A selfless person in power is about as easy to find as the G-spot when you’re drunk and stoned.

    When I think about the messaging I want to internalize and teach my daughter, I’m not convinced I want it to be predicated on power. I want women to be tough, feel comfortable in their own skin, and question the status quo that shapes us as people. I want to teach my daughter to be insightful, strong-willed, compassionate, thoughtful, inquisitive, empathetic, tell funny dick/vagina jokes (equal opportunity genital humor) – but most importantly I want her to be philosophical. I don’t think humanity needs more people striving for power, but more people approaching life philosophically.

    This is not a new concept; the great philosopher Socrates was assassinated by his community because he encouraged children to question authority and think for themselves. It was his belief that the ONLY people fit to be kings (he was kind of sexist in that way) were philosophers. They were the sole humans who could handle the job because they were the only ones NOT seeking power. Yet of course the tragic irony is philosophers don’t want to be kings because they understand the moral vulnerability of that position.

    I think we should be teaching our daughters and sons to seek a philosophical understanding of themselves and the world rather than suggesting a vague quest towards empowerment. Think about it. Philosophers are not slaves to materialism. They aren’t out shopping for plastic bullshit that will later be dumped in the ocean to choke an octopus. Philosophers aren’t starting wars or enacting genocide. Can you imagine a philosopher in charge of nuclear weapons? That button would never get pushed because they would spend the rest of their life with their finger hovering, pontificating endlessly about the consequences of their actions. Philosophically minded people are not violent or reckless because they are too busy peacefully staring at their belly buttons pondering the meaning of it all.
    I don’t want to be sexually “empowered” because my sex isn’t a weapon I want to lord over, or control some one with. If I am sexually attracted to someone all that means is that I’m waving my DNA flag, and he is waving his, and we happen to have enough variety where we won’t create a deformed spider-child with 7 legs. Sexual attraction has to do with biology, and I shouldn’t be told to feel powerful because someone has a different double helix than me. If I’m attracted to a dude, I want him to know, because that’s the whole point right? And if I’m not attracted to a guy, I don’t want him to be attracted to me, because that feels manipulative.

    When we equate sex with empowerment it suggests that sex is a part of power. I don’t want to feel like sex has anything to do with power. I want to be sexually free. I want to be sexually explorative to make my own decisions. I want to be sexually liberated and begin relationships with the man knowing blowjobs are a great gift I bestow upon him exclusively for birthdays and anniversaries. But I don’t need to feel powerful because I am sexy, or have sex.

    I’ve always thought sex was about genuine desire and mutual lust. But maybe I have been wrong about this?? I guess if I’d been thinking about fucking my way to the top, I wouldn’t still be at the bottom of this mountain kicking rocks. Shit you guys, did I not capitalize enough on my youth? Was it a mistake to only sleep with people I actually liked? Did I waste my 20’s fucking DJ’s, skaters, and club kids? No wonder why I’m not a millionaire – but I at least I can scratch a record and do a kick flip. I didn’t learn about power through my sexual exploits but I did learn I probably shouldn’t fuck dudes who expect me to do more than 2 positions or care about their orgasms after I’m done.

    Power dynamics exist within sexual relationships because there are power imbalances of who likes who more. But aren’t we all searching for that one relationship where power doesn’t exist? Where you love each other equally. Isn’t equality what we are seeking in every aspect of humanity? Racial, gender, and economic equality!? Fuck power… we want an even playing field!

    Power struggles are all part of the patriarchy no matter who is struggling for power. Women don’t need to be encouraged to fall into the same trappings that culture has put before us for thousands of years. Let’s abandon this way of thinking where power is what we seek and instead focus on what women are inherently talented at; building community, developing intimacy, prioritizing connection, and using methods of communication over force. I want our (potential) woman president not to solve problems with the same solution of war and violence, but instead by talking off Putin’s ear until he just gives the fuck up. Then this tension with Russian can end just like every argument between a man and woman… with the guy saying, “you’re right, I’m wrong, I’m sorry.”

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    October 20, 2016 • Current Events, Musings, Political Banter, Vagina Stuff, Women's Business • Views: 1561

  • Bitches and Beauty

    Recently Alicia Keys went to the VMA’s without any make up on. My reaction to this was as complex as – “that’s cool.” I posted an article on my FB wall and kept living my life. Yet now the “news” is talking about her “bare faced” look spurring a revolution! Ummm… really? A REVOLUTION?? Does that mean that I am now considered a guerilla warrior because I am too lazy to put on fucking foundation?

    I’m not wearing make up in the above picture, but does that make me brave??! UMMM not really because have you seen my abs?? I think it’s depressing that the world is shitting golden eggs because a painfully pretty woman dared get her picture taken looking painfully pretty without lipstick. SHOCKING!!!

    Pop News” is asking me if I will I join her #nomakeup movement. MOVEMENT?? It’s seriously such big deal that a chick goes outside without mascara that we are actually comparing it to a social movement?! Sure Keys is a celebrity and thus judged for her looks, but the way the media is reacting, you’d think that she was as bold as to tattoo “Politics Can Eat My Pussy” across her forehead.

    At this very moment I am sitting at my computer wearing tie-dyed “Hammer” pants… much like Joey Buttafuoco circa 1992. I haven’t washed my hair in a week, and when I did, I used body soap because why bother with a variety of substances that make bubbles? I have never in my life received the compliment “you smell amazing,” and I’m pretty sure the dirt under my fingernails has it’s own eco system.

    I could put a lot more effort into this package… Bitches are supposed to be beautiful, and when we are not, we are expected to feel bad about ourselves. Oh no, my skin isn’t as smooth as a baby’s scrotum, and I haven’t scorched my cootch with a blowtorch to remove all unwanted hair follicles. DO YOU STILL LIKE ME? Have you seen my abs??!

    Beauty, sex, and physical appeal are all part of the trademark of femininity. It is a constant conversation in society… more than Syria, Yemen, the Federal Reserve, and the ruling lizard Elite. The only thing we talk about more than women’s being beautiful are women NOT being beautiful. How dare you be unfuckable you whore!

    The problem with “beauty standards” is the consequential brand recognition of what is considered attractive. You see something enough times and it becomes engrained in your psyche. See this?? This is what you should buy into!! If you go to a grocery store to get detergent, most people will buy “Tide” because they’ve seen it before. It’s familiar, so it must be good right? Who cares that it’s a bottle of toxic chemicals? Same thing goes with beauty. These photo-shopped, over made up images are slammed down our gullets, and we deep throat that message without even gagging… unless you are retching to puke up dinner to be skinny enough by tomorrow. PS don’t forget to shoot some Botox into your lips and ass because those are the only parts of you allowed to be fat.

    Even industries that claim to be about acceptance and soul seeking are just as superficial. If I see one more skinny white chick in a yoga video wearing her underwear while doing a split – I will literally turn my labia inside out, use it as a cape, and fly to another planet like a goddamn super hero. Hey Yogis… you could be doing a lot better with your “being the change you want to see in the world.”

    I am so bored of this being such a huge issue in the collective consciousness of the female identity, yet at the same time, I WANT TO BE BEAUTIFUL SO YOU WILL CARE ABOUT ME!

    Sometimes I try. I slap some make up on my face and run my fingers through my tangled mane, but then give up because I am pulling my hair. It’s too knotty! I will throw on a sexy outfit, stick my tits out, and strut around like a peacock with a feather up its ass. I am not saying it doesn’t feel good when people look at me like I am hot… yet at the same time, what the fuck? Why do I care?

    I care because I am conditioned to care. I care because it does matter what I look like, even though it doesn’t, because actually it does. For thousands of years, beauty has been part of female survival, and in many ways we are still making it so.

    For most of recorded history, women were commodities and property. In that paradigm, attractiveness added to the value of what we could be purchased for. Being beautiful was a strategy of success. There was hardly any chance for us to have power beyond what our husbands could provide. So in order for a woman to have any influence, she had to be part of the right family – all Game of Thrones style.

    There then comes this massive social shift where women start earning value with their minds. We start to intellectually compare with men, so now their competition for achievement has doubled. Smart women eat into the economic and political pool that was once dominated by men, and that is a threat to their livelihood within a capitalist model.

    But… if we make women use their psychic energy worrying about what they look like, and feeling insecure about their thigh canyons – that will chip into their life force… therefor making them distracted! I am pretty sure Stephen Hawking wasn’t freaking out about which wheelchair made him look chubby. Obsessing about beauty has become a prison of our own making.

    All humans are at their core artists. Everyone has creative energy – it just varies on how we choose to express it. Yet women are encouraged to put a vast majority of their creativity into their looks. This isn’t to say that sexy chicks aren’t bringing positivity into the world. It is nice to look at beautiful women. But at the same time, there are a variety of other outlets for you to pour that exertion into – like say, baking cookies.

    When I was a kid my mom told me I was beautiful every day of my life. You’d think that would make me vain, but it had the opposite effect. If made me feel like that was a meaningless statement. It made me stop caring. Yeah yeah yeah mom, sure I’m beautiful but did you know I could do a back flip? Could we talk about that shit?

    Because I have a daughter, I am extra concerned with her future relationship to beauty. I don’t want her to be defined by it, afraid of it, or confined by it. She is a pretty girl and there is no reason to pretend otherwise, but that doesn’t mean she needs to over think it’s meaning. The Munch should honor her natural beauty and see it as a gift, but it’s not more precious then her winning personality and genius mind… a brain that makes up songs like “a penis is an instrument that nobody wants to play.” WHICH IS A REAL GODDAMN SONG SHE WROTE!!!!

    This chick don’t give any fucks

    munch goggles bike

    August 31, 2016 • Current Events, Musings, Vagina Stuff, Women's Business • Views: 6522

  • Are Cartoons Getting Sluttier?

    I can admit it; I am not the best girl. I am okay. I know how to tuck this in, push that out, and spruce myself up a bit. But interests in conventionally feminine things have eluded me. Isn’t shaving once a season enough for this world?

    I have been working to socialize my daughter so that she too, sticks to my principles of being a low maintenance chick. So far, my influence seems to be permeating her psyche. She is not captivated by showers, or changing her clothes – which is not only convenient for me, but we are also doing our part as environmentalists by saving water. You’re welcome!

    I have taught her the value of seeing her fingernails as functional tools to pick her nose with, rather than fashion accessories to paint and gloss. And she has no problem rocking her braids for up to 4 or 5 days regardless of the forming of dreads. So far I’m doing a pretty decent job of enforcing my beliefs onto my kid.

    Yet the one place where we diverge is The Munch is really into Disney Princesses, My Little Pony, Strawberry Shortcake, and every toy designed for girls to be girls. This is not something I want to change about her (because I already tried and failed) but I do have a ton of questions for the artists rendering these characters.

    When I was a kid, Strawberry Shortcake had a boxy body, like that of a child, or a piece of cake. It was a square shape. Something a young girl could relate to. Having a body like a square. The modern Strawberry Shortcake has a skinny physique that is long and lean like Giselle. Ummm… Her name is Strawberry SHORT CAKE… shouldn’t she look like a piece of cake, not a model who is runway ready!?

    And what is with the Disney Princesses? Why does every one of them have a “come fuck me” look on their face? Seriously!? It’s one thing to be drawn with a waist to hips ratio that defies all laws of physics, but do they have to have an expression that suggests they are ready for a threesome?

    Most writers creating narratives for girls are seemingly trying to espouse more feminist values, but whoever is drawing these ladies is making them look excessively saucy.

    Tell me I’m wrong! They have such a porno look on their faces!

    Strawberry Shortcake then…

    dp1

    And here she is now?!

    dp 2

    What is Rapunzel thinking about? Maybe “Sure, I’ll put your balls in my mouth.” And that lecherous lizard is like “I got two right here for ya.”

    dp 3

    What is Jasmine trying to tell us? How about “I’ve got a secret. I do anal.” And her Tiger Raja is ready in line. “You bet your sweet ass you do.”

    dp 4

    Here Sleeping Beauty is saying, “Go ahead, come on my face.” And that owl is like “get ready bitch.”

    dp 5

    September 28, 2015 • 5 years old, Mommyhood, Parenting, Playing, Women's Business • Views: 2141

  • How To Know Which Dude To Breed With?

    Now that I’m in my 30’s – I am surrounded by women who are dealing with their fertility. I have friends that have no interest in procreating, some who are squatting out babies, and others that are squatting on men to try and make some. No matter what their choice, the 30’s are the time when it’s on our minds, and we ladies have to make a decision.

    To breed or not to breed. That is the question.

    If you don’t want to have kids, there is a beautiful freedom to that. There is no pressure to settle down, or find a guy you have to deal with. (Sorry that was my auto correct. I meant to say get to spend your life with because love is eternal). You can be more open to a relationship happening anytime anywhere because there isn’t that impending biological clock knocking you over the head to get knocked up.

    Yet when you want kids, (unless you are down to do it on your own), the current paradigm is so find some guy to go on the journey with you. Of course in an ideal world we could have babies, live in women’s communes, watch each other’s children, and take on lovers as we please. But unless you are ready to hang out with a chick named Chakra and whittle wood, people in intentional polyamorous communities are still pretty wacky.

    Since I lived in NYC for so long, there is large portion of my friends who are single, are into the idea of birthing children, yet don’t know whom they want to produce with. When you live in an urban environment, you tend to have a lot of options of potential DNA to blend with yours. There is that cute skater, the guy that works at the office across from yours, or the dude at the green juice bar that always adds EXTRA ginger for you. Awww shucks, you know how I need to clean out my system juice guy!

    Potential men to poke you are everywhere! Yet they are also nowhere because post-modern people really suck. Guys that text you at 1am asking “wassup,” or that care more about egos than they do about you. The world is filled with narcissists, douche bags, and greedy fucks. And if you happen to find a nice one, you probably think he’s too nice, making it too easy, and then don’t give him the time of day – humans are absurd!

    The other great question is who to make babies with?! How do you know who is the guy you want to hang around for the next 18 years? Of course there is the obvious. Is he a murderer? Has he ever worshipped the devil? Does he drink Diet Dr. Pepper? Yet assuming he is kind, self sufficient, and folds his own laundry, then how do you know if you found the one to give your ovaries to!?

    Here is my Toni Bologna checklist to help you make this pivotal decision.

    1) Do you like sleeping with him once a week?
    2) Do you like eating with him?
    3) Do you like watching TV with him?

    That’s pretty much it.

    couple-watching-tv

    August 19, 2015 • Musings, Sex Stuff, Vagina Stuff, Women's Business • Views: 3349

  • It turns out the Market is Over Saturated with Vagina!

    A writer for Vanity Fair, Nancy Jo Sales, did an expose on the dating lives of 20-somethings in NYC – looking into how “hook-up” culture has impacted their sexuality.

    According to this article, financial fuck wads who work at Wall Street are getting laid left and right. Because of Tinder/Hinge/ STD Transfer Ultimate App, guys like Alex can, “rack up 100 girls I’ve slept with in a year.” That’s a lot of condoms A-rod 😉 I hope you’ve diversified your portfolio and invested in Trojan!

    It today’s fast pace world, a sweet talker like Marty can sleep with at least 40 women over a fiscal year by this pretty impressive strategy. He simply, “sort of plays that I could be a boyfriend kind of guy, in order to win them over, but then they start wanting me to care more … and I just don’t.” BRILLIANT WORK MARTY!

    What I find most horrifying about this article is not that people in their 20’s want to get naked and bump crotches. Nor that Men think it’s “cool” to flip through women like a Golfer’s Digest at the dentist’s office. The problem isn’t that modern women are “too easy” and it’s effecting intimacy for all. NO! The alarming part of this story is who are these women that sleep with guys who work on Wall Street?!! Especially ones named Marty!?

    When I lived in NYC I was once at this fancy club where a Wall Street guy tried to hit on me. I started asking him about sub prime mortgages and if he ever invested in triple bottom line socially responsible businesses – and his dick got soft in front of my eyes. He RAN away from me, never to return.

    I guess talking to me is like the anti-Viagra for Wall Street men.

    But ladies, it is our civic responsibility to question the ethics of these guys and shame them for their business practices, not reward them with the pot of gold betwixt our thighs!

    If women want to sleep with 2,000 guys on Tinder then god bless them. Just not Wall Street guys! We can’t flood their market with our precious poonanies. NO!! We have keep them wrapped up tight and create a deficit. The pussy stock will rise if we generate scarcity.

    As long as these guys are boning chicks, they are going to keep living their lives thinking they are god’s gift, and continue making repulsive decisions about business. They will wake up feeling justified, and morally unambiguous that their profit models are destroying the planet. Let’s not waste our time slut shaming young women of the world, but redirecting their lady parts towards more deserving men!

    So my fellow females… sleep with as many guys as you want during the exploration of your sexual identity. Just not douchey finance dickheads! Have sex with that tortured artist, the dude with scraggily ponytail making your green juice, or the guy who started that solar company. Go give that nerd head who’s trying to find alternative fuel sources. Let him bust a nut on your tits!

    PLEASE… NOT THESE GUYS

    110710_wall_street_605_ap

    August 10, 2015 • Current Events, Musings, Vagina Stuff, Women's Business • Views: 3734

  • What if Caitlyn Jenner Became the Anti-Kardashian?

    I am not proud to admit this, but Facebook is my news. It’s where I get alerted to the conversations of the public lexicon. Without my friends telling me what to pay attention to, I tend to stare deep into the abyss of my navel as if my consciousness is eating it’s own tail.

    I have been so wrapped up in a state of manic narcissism mixed with workaholic frenzy that I seriously have no idea what is going on in the world. I get broad strokes of what’s happening – people are still racist as fuck, the prison industrial complex is alive and well, and WW3 might happen tomorrow, but it might not.

    So admittedly, I am behind in my ability to be interesting at a cocktail party, unless you think queef jokes are funny, in which case, I am a blast. Get it?

    With the Caitlyn Jenner story, I get how revolutionary this is for culture. I don’t question the vast social impact it has for the transgender community, and how Caitlyn has ignited a national conversation of vast importance. Yet during a late night stoned conversation, my friend made a point that I just can’t let go of. She said, “It’s not that interesting to me that Bruce Jenner decided to become a woman. I can understand how one would dis-identify with their gender. What I find most compelling is the kind of woman he chose to become.”

    Okay granted, I was pretty high, but I was like “holy shit.” Caitlyn is very much like a Kardashian in her physical presentation – the body type, attention towards fashion, the excessive make up. There is a “Real Housewives of Where Ever the fuck,” vibe. These fancy rich women who hold onto beauty standards, glorification of youth, and will go to vast extremes to maintain a certain look.

    Sure it’s fun to get dressed up, look sexy, and play around with clothes and lipstick. There is nothing wrong with that. Yet when the exterior of your feminine form comes to define your interior, it does make me take pause. I wish being feminine wasn’t about looking feminine, but rather glorifying empathy, nurturing, emotional expression and all these other “feminine traits.”

    The female experience is so much deeper than the packaged façade the media insists it is. The cultural pressure to wax, pluck, tuck, and preen our bodies into smooth Barbie body parts has nothing to do with what it actually means to be a woman. Part of me wishes that the kind of woman Caitlyn became was a super feminist hippy earth mother goddess. That she wore flowing organic fabrics, challenged all convention, and wanted to blast open the patriarchy.

    Now that she has her TV show, what if Caitlyn became the anti-Kardashian? What if she rejected the commercialized approach to reality TV and created a whole new approach that was rooted in rawness and truth? Wouldn’t it be cool if she was like the ultimate Mother Gaia incarnate who was able to embody the true harmony of the masculine and feminine energies?

    Okay fine that’s a lot of pressure on one person, but if we are going to obliterate gender, that would be a kind of bad ass start.

    caitlyn-blog-(i)

    July 27, 2015 • Current Events, Musings, Vagina Stuff, Women's Business • Views: 1928