Taking a road trip with a toddler is a lot giving birth backwards. And much like stuffing a baby back inside of me feet first, I am not sure I recommend taking a 5-hour drive with The Munch.
For on,e she had to pee about 7 times, and always in the worst places. I had to pull over on the highway, or in a Parking Lot in Springfield MA. And since I let her pee in a parking lot, I did it too. And yes, I did make eye contact with a woman driving by. But you know what? That is just what made sense for me, in my life, at that time.
I also let The Munch watch the Ipad because I am weak. And I just can’t sing Old Macdonald Had a Farm that many times. After that stupid farmer has a whale, gazelle, and wallaby I have gone through too many verses.
But after about 3 hours she just about lost her mind. The Munch was crying, yelling, and demanding a treat like a crazy person. And of course I could not find anything that wasn’t a Dunkin Doughnuts or MacDonald’s, and I just could not bring myself to go there – even if that dude did a have a farm.
I really didn’t want to get off the highway, but finally I acquiesced and took an exit. Dealing with a kid having a fit while driving is a recipe for disaster. I almost just drove into the car in front of me just to end the misery. Finally, I pulled into a gas station, which seemed to be my only hope.
Toni: Munch…. Seriously dude. You cannot freak out like that while I am driving.
Munch: But I wanted a hug Mamma!
Toni: Well, that is very sweet, but I can’t hug you, and drive, and look for a stupid treat okay?
Munch: Well can we get a treat now? And can I have a hug?
Toni: Yes. Why don’t we get you a Cliff Bar? It’s organic, and it has chocolate chips in it.
Munch: But I don’t want bar. I want a treat. I want cookies!
Toni: Wait, just try the Cliff Bar. You will like it.
Munch: I don’t like it. Mamma, I really want cookies.
Toni: Sigh… okay….
Munch: Can we get these?
Toni: You want to get Famous Amos cookies?
Toni: For real? They have hydrogenated oils in them! And high-fructose corn syrup!
Munch: But I want them!!!
Now I have never fed The Munch a GMO mess like a Famous Amos-Oreo cookie rip off. But I was beaten down. I was a mess. So I did it.
And you know what? They put her in the best mood. I would give her one, she would be ecstatic for about 20 minutes, start to come down, ask for another, and then she would be super happy again. It was like she was doing lines of cookie in the back of the car. But you know what… It totally worked.
(Notice the chocolate caked to the corners of her mouth and the blank stare of watching the Ipad)