Every social situation has its own code of ethics. The way to ingratiate yourself to a new community is by quickly adapting to the rules. The playground is a major attraction for The Munch, and I am starting to learn what the policies are. Hopefully one day I will be accepted. Fingers crossed!
Playground Politics 101
1) No talking on cell phone while playing with child! You will be severely judged for this and other parents will shake their heads in shame thinking you are neglectful.
2) If another child hits yours, or takes their toy away, you must act like this is not real problem and say things like “that is totally okay… my kid is just being a big baby.”
3) If your child hits or takes a toy away you must act mortified and scold your child profusely… even if the other kid totally deserved it.
4) If sand is thrown in your child’s face, make a cute comment about how “dirt don’t hurt.”
5) When a mommy is talking to you about how much her back hurts, how tired she is, the texture of her child’s diaper rash, how much she ate that day, or describes the particulates of her kid’s diarrhea, you must listen as if totally engrossed.
6) If another parent is reprimanding their child, do not stare open mouthed and slightly drooling.
7) When leaving the park and your child starts flailing and shrieking in protest, maintain a serene look on your face as you carry their seizing body to the car.