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Disciplining
Category

  • We Are Mirrors To The Universe (Sort Of)

    The thing about being a human is that you have your own will. That is fine and dandy if you are responsible for making those desires manifest on your own, but with a baby human their personal will is a real pain in the ass. When they are infants their needs are simple. “Feed me, get this shit out of my pants, burp me, I have to fart, and put me to sleep now.” But as they get older and begin to have a more complex understanding of the world, their needs mature and multiply respectively. “Give me your phone, I want what you are eating, I want to flush the toilette repeatedly, I don’t want to eat that, don’t look at Facebook.”

    In learning how to understand this new toddler phase of The Munch’s development, I started to read “Happiest Toddler on the Block” because if my baby isn’t happier than everyone else’s I am going to punish her and she will be sorry.

    In this book Dr. Karp talks about how toddlers are like cavemen and should be treated and talked to as such. Like our ancient brethren, they are mostly controlled by the right brain and are highly emotional as a consequence. He goes on to say that we cannot treat toddlers like mini adults, or even mini children, because they lack the brain capacity to process information in a way that is more “civilized” and “reasonable.”

    This got me thinking about how the growth of a human from conception to adulthood mimics the evolution of all species on this planet.

    Think about it. We begin as a single cell organism, then we become a tadpole like thing, then we turn into a fish-like early fetus, then we grow a tail and become sort of reptilian, then we are born and take our first breath of air and are mammals, then we start to crawl around like a chimpanzee monkey type, then we walk around grunting and pointing like an early human hybrid Australopithecus Africanus, then we become kids and are like a Neanderthal, then we are teenagers which is the missing link part of evolution, then finally we evolve into Homo Sapiens as adults.

    Isn’t that so profound? I don’t know if it comes off as deep as it does in my own internal monologue but it made me feel like we really are children of the stars.

    August 31, 2011 • 1 year old, Behavior, Disciplining, Musings, Parenting • Views: 881

  • Emotional Terrorist

    Sometimes I wonder if my baby is an emotional terrorist.

    I have this daily responsibility of feeding her right? The goal of which is for her to put food in her mouth, masticate on it, swallow it, digest it, and survive another day. Part of my ensuring her continuation of life is this “feeding” process, so you think she would cooperate with it.

    SO WHY DOES SHE KEEP THROWING HER EFFIN FOOD ON THE FLOOR???

    Every time she picks up a piece of food she brings it towards her mouth like she is going to eat it, but half the time she puts it in her mouth and half the time she throws it on the floor. There is no discernable pattern to this behavior so I can never anticipate what she is going to do only furthering my emotional mania.

    I have tried every strategy of manipulation short of bribery, and that is only because she doesn’t get the idea of materialism and puts money in her mouth, which is seriously gross. The Munch just looks me dead in the eye and throws her food on the floor. Her face is so defiant I fluctuate between wanting to punch her in the throat and laughing hysterically.

    I got so frustrated the other day I took The Munch out of her chair before she was done eating and put her on the floor to see the mess she had made.

    “Okay kid… why don’t you just feel the pains of hunger if you are going to throw your food and think of all the starving children out there in the world.”

    But she kept coming up to me and pointing towards the food and grunting urgently like she was famished. I started to feel guilty denying her, so I gave her a piece of what I was eating and she put it to her mouth like she was going to eat, it and then instead of throwing it on the floor, she threw it up on the table.

    “What are you going to do about it?”

    Wouldn’t this drive you nuts??

    August 29, 2011 • 1 year old, Disciplining, Eating, Parenting • Views: 995