• Belly Button

    Do have those pet peeves where even the thought of them makes your teeth itch? Little things like the sound of teeth scraping against a fork, someone pushing a bruise, the texture of over starched sheets, or the sound of my voice… those personal quirks of life that bother you beyond what your rational mind can articulate.

    I have this thing about people touching my belly button. I really don’t want anyone to touch my belly button. Ever. It is just too sensitive a body part. To many folds and dips and mysterious material.

    It is not just the physicality that troubles me, but the deeper connotation as well. The belly button represents our individuality as much as our dependence on other people. The transformation from parasite to being totally alone in this cold cold world. Naval gazing is actually a pretty meaningful activity when you think about it, but then again, thinking about gazing at your naval is pretty weird so stop.

    Of course… The Munch loves touch my belly button. She finds so much joy in poking it while making sound effects that make me question my sense of self. Her little finger feels like it is penetrating my soul with every push and it drives me nuts. But how can I deny her? Even though it freaks me out more than Glenn Beck, what kind of parent would I be if I let on how much it bothers me? Then I would give her a complex about her belly button being touched. Sigh… what’s next? Is she going to grow up to be a Tea Bagger?

    It is like a bulls eye daring to be poked I guess…

    September 13, 2011 • 1 year old, Behavior, Mommy Body, Musings • Views: 3449

  • Fighting Sleep

    Don’t you love sleeping? Aren’t there many mornings where you wish you could sleep for just five more minutes. Do you ever feel like you could sleep all day? Have you ever been sleeping with someone and thought to yourself “man, I kinda wish I was actually sleeping.”

    Although if you think about it too hard, isn’t it nuts that every night we lay down and wait until we become totally unaware of our surroundings and completely immersed in our imaginations? Doesn’t that seem dangerous to you? It is hard to imagine how this practice evolved when we were living in caves, except maybe for the fact that we were bored as shit living in a cave!

    But why is it that children fight sleep? They never want to go to bed. Do you ever remember being a kid and saying “hey mom… I think I am going to just go lay down and take a nap while you continue playing Nintendo.” No you don’t… because a kid would never say that! They wrestle, moan, and complain about how they want to stay up. When I was young I remember thinking I was going to miss something by sleeping.

    Maybe sleep is more important to you as you age because you do want to miss out on life for a little bit. It is the ultimate escape from reality. You crave being totally unplugged from thinking about your life, and it is quite likely the only time where you actually experience your imagination.

    But for a child who lives in their creative imaginative minds all day, reality is what they desire. They don’t have any problems they need to getaway from because they are more interested in figuring out what trouble they can get into.

    “Man this sleeping thing is a drag… I can’t wait until I wake up and put my hands in the toilet, eat dog food, and fall on my face 100 times.”

    September 12, 2011 • 1 year old, baby brain, Behavior, Sleeping • Views: 2128

  • Antisocial-Social Girl

    I am an antisocial-social girl. I care about humanity, but don’t really like most humans. I like being around people until I am around people, but I only like to be by myself when I am alone.

    I much prefer one on one interaction to group dynamics because then I feel like the conversation has greater potential for depth. But I don’t want to get too personal, so maybe we should just get to know each other through text messaging.

    I wonder if The Munch is going to be like her Mama?

    “Look at me… no… don’t look at me… no actually look at me… no… don’t”

    September 8, 2011 • 1 year old, Behavior, Mommy Mind, Musings • Views: 2797

  • Talking Is Overrated

    Do you know what your first sentence was? I believe mine was “My teddy bear is having an existential crisis,” but I could be wrong.

    The other morning The Munch was patting my head and she said “Pat Mama!!!”

    That is totally a sentence right???????!!! It had a verb and a noun… fine, no adjectives or adverbs, but it still seemed very sentence-y. I didn’t say she had the most impressive vocabulary or syntax mind you…

    As exciting as this is, I am also kind of terrified of actually finding out what is on her mind. There is a comfort in having no tangible clue what she thinks about. I can make assumptions like she likes her feet tickled because she smiles or she does not like her car seat because she screams in my face and pushes her pelvis into the buckle, but there is still an element of mystery involved.

    Perhaps our ability to communicate verbally to each other makes us feel more intimate, but does talking really make us closer? It may give us the ability to distract each other, but aren’t all the mysteries of the universe too complex to explain? Doesn’t everything that has actual meaning impossible to define?

    For instance can you really describe emotions, colors, or someone’s personality? Isn’t most of life really just abstract sensations that are beyond our ability to distill into language? Maybe the relationship we have with babies is the most profound one we will ever experience because we are not limited by the expectation of language and instead must rely on the messaging of energy. Maybe we should speak more from our hearts then we do from our minds… and probably a lot more grunting too… that seems to get the point across.

    I am thinking her next sentence will be “fuck da police”

    September 6, 2011 • 1 year old, baby brain, Behavior, Education • Views: 2261

  • Master Manipulator

    Do you ever notice how when you go home to spend time with your parents, your behavior often regresses to that of a petulant child. That something about being around your mom and dad can really bring out the worst in you. You get more irritated, agitated, frustrated… just basically more ated in general.

    I notice that if I leave The Munch with someone to watch her she will behave like a little angel the entire time I am gone, but as soon as I come back she collapses with emotion and has a total meltdown at my feet.

    “Holy crap Toni, I swear she was happy as a clam right before you got here.”

    First of all, I find clams to be kind of boring, second of all, why the heck does she do that?

    This is my theory.

    Humans want to stay alive, and they have an innate sense of self-preservation. So when The Munch is looked after by someone other than me, she is her most charming self in order for that person to like her and therefor protect her. But it is a lot of energy to be on your best behavior, so when she sees me, the person she know will watch out for her no matter what, she experiences a total release.

    “Oh phew! Now that you are back I don’t have to try so hard to be cool.”

    It makes me realize just how much of growing up is learning how to manipulate not only the world around us, but also the people. That we have an inbred instinct to act in a way that doesn’t make other people want to kill us. Sigh… it is so tiring trying to make you not want to murder me.

    September 2, 2011 • 1 year old, baby brain, Behavior • Views: 1973

  • We Are Mirrors To The Universe (Sort Of)

    The thing about being a human is that you have your own will. That is fine and dandy if you are responsible for making those desires manifest on your own, but with a baby human their personal will is a real pain in the ass. When they are infants their needs are simple. “Feed me, get this shit out of my pants, burp me, I have to fart, and put me to sleep now.” But as they get older and begin to have a more complex understanding of the world, their needs mature and multiply respectively. “Give me your phone, I want what you are eating, I want to flush the toilette repeatedly, I don’t want to eat that, don’t look at Facebook.”

    In learning how to understand this new toddler phase of The Munch’s development, I started to read “Happiest Toddler on the Block” because if my baby isn’t happier than everyone else’s I am going to punish her and she will be sorry.

    In this book Dr. Karp talks about how toddlers are like cavemen and should be treated and talked to as such. Like our ancient brethren, they are mostly controlled by the right brain and are highly emotional as a consequence. He goes on to say that we cannot treat toddlers like mini adults, or even mini children, because they lack the brain capacity to process information in a way that is more “civilized” and “reasonable.”

    This got me thinking about how the growth of a human from conception to adulthood mimics the evolution of all species on this planet.

    Think about it. We begin as a single cell organism, then we become a tadpole like thing, then we turn into a fish-like early fetus, then we grow a tail and become sort of reptilian, then we are born and take our first breath of air and are mammals, then we start to crawl around like a chimpanzee monkey type, then we walk around grunting and pointing like an early human hybrid Australopithecus Africanus, then we become kids and are like a Neanderthal, then we are teenagers which is the missing link part of evolution, then finally we evolve into Homo Sapiens as adults.

    Isn’t that so profound? I don’t know if it comes off as deep as it does in my own internal monologue but it made me feel like we really are children of the stars.

    August 31, 2011 • 1 year old, Behavior, Disciplining, Musings, Parenting • Views: 1978