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• Nursery Rhymes Are F’d Up

  

  The other day I realized that I have never played The Munch any “children’s music.” Part of me feels like “children’s music” is a hoax, like emails form a Nigerian prince, or the moon landing. Why subject myself to kids music when she loves Missy Eliot? Isn’t Pass that Dutch just as wholesome? However, a nostalgic part of me decided that maybe I should sing her some classic nursery rhymes so I don’t deprive her of the experience.

  But you know what I realized? Nursery rhymes are seriously twisted!

  Take for example “Ring Around the Rosy”

  Ring around the Rosy
  Pocket full of posy
  Ashes to ashes we all fall down

  What? Ashes to ashes we all fall down!? This is a song about the Black Death! The Plague! Now, I am all for teaching The Munch about mortality and the realities of existence, but isn’t that a bit extreme?

  Okay, so then I try the classic “Jack and Jill.”
  Jack and Jill went up the hill
  To fetch a pail of water.
  Jack fell down and broke his crown
  And Jill came tumbling after.

  Ummmm, so just because Jack is a total klutz, why does Jill have to fall? What is that teaching her about being a girl in a man’s world? Just because Jack breaks his stupid crown, she has to tumble after him? Why can’t Jill just laugh and point in his face?

  Next. How about “Rock-a-bye Baby.” That is a sweet one right? Wrong!

  Rock-a-bye baby, on the treetop,
  When the wind blows, the cradle will rock,
  When the bough breaks, the cradle will fall,
  And down will come baby, cradle and all.

  Is this song about child abuse? I am pretty sure The Munch would be furious if I hung her from a tree limb that couldn’t handle her weight? She would be like “Mom… have you ever heard of physics? Can you get a clue?”

  Maybe I will just stick with Nelly Furtado’s Maneater for positive imagery and a good example of moral values.

  (The Munch rockin out with her monkey)
  

  March 5, 2011 • 5-8 months, baby gear • Views: 1354

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• Diaper Dilemma

  

  I consider myself to be a conscious consumer. Meaning, I try to consider the larger impact of purchases I make. How does this effect the environment? Where is this made? Who made this? Did some baby in the developing world make this for my baby?

  As such, the idea of diapers really stresses me out. All the crazy statistics about billions of diapers…. 27.4 BILLION diapers are used EACH YEAR in the US, resulting in 3.4 million TONS ending up in landfills EACH YEAR. That is a staggering statistic.

  So originally, I thought I would use cloth diapers. But I haven’t gotten my act together yet to make that happen. There is no excuse. I just haven’t.

  This is the problem. Huggies are amazing. They are the best diapers ever. They do not leak. They really contain poo.

  How do I reconcile this contradiction?

  So this is what I have done so far. I use 7th generation during the day, and Huggies at night. She no longer poos during the night, so if I put her in Huggies, I don’t have to change her, which helps us both sleep better. Yeah, she has about 3 pounds of pee in the morning, but she has yet to get any diaper rash or problem because of it.

  I am also looking into GDiapers, which you can get at diapers.com. They have 100% biodegradable refill backs and are really cute cloth diapers. Now that older, she is pooing less during the day too, so it seems a little more manageable to make this happen.

  My point is that you don’t have to be a purist to do your part. Just do the best you can, and try and make some effort.

  January 21, 2011 • 3rd month, baby body, baby gear, baby products, Environmental Impact • Views: 1994

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• The Moby Wrap (Baby Carrier)

  

  I am a big believer in taking walks with the baby. It is one of those activities that is pretty much a guaranteed good time. She either sleeps the whole time, or she has fun looking around at the world. It is of course amazing for me, because I get to be outside, don’t have to worry about entertaining her, and have some time to talk on the phone or listen to music.

  The key to a happy walking situation is your carrier. My favorite is the “Moby Wrap.” http://www.mobywrap.com/

  The Moby Wrap is amazing because it is super comfortable for you (mommy) and is really cozy for baby. It is kind of like a kangaroo pouch. If your baby is sleepy, chances are they will fall right asleep and stay that way. If your baby wakes up, and wants to look around, you can either untuck their heads, or take them out, and face them to the front.

  The Moby Wrap is also really convenient for those of you that have to deal with seasons. Like the winter. Because the baby’s limbs are contained within the fabric, it is an extra layer to keep them warm. Also, because they are basically flattened to your belly, I find that I can wear a big sweatshirt, and then a big coat over the baby still in the wrap. (Stuff you would wear while preggo). So if I put her in a snowsuit, and then have my clothing over her too, I don’t have to worry about it being 20 degrees outside.

  Lastly, the way the baby is positioned in the Moby is like they are hugging you. It is the best feeling, because babies don’t really hug. You can hug them, but they seem down with the whole hugging back yet. So having them in the Moby makes you feel super loved :o)

  PS I found this video to be the best for Moby instructions
  

  January 20, 2011 • 3rd month, baby gear, baby products, Mommy Body • Views: 1717

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• Sleeping with Baby

  

  Sleeping with the baby is a controversial topic. There are legitimate concerns regarding the safety of the baby. I can’t speak to those with any authority, and of course think the safety of your baby is TOP PRIORITY.

  I happen to be a really light sleeper. I also have a big bed, and have chosen to sleep with my baby. It makes waking up at night much easier, because she is right there, and I can just breast feeder her side-lying.

  If you want to sleep near your baby but are nervous about bringing them into your bed I would look into Co-Sleepers. They are like a temporary crib that parks right next to your bed and basically serves as an extension of your bed. That way you have all the convenience of having your baby near you, but you do not have to stress about their safety!

  Here is a good place to find potential co-sleepers
  http://www.armsreach.com/

  January 20, 2011 • 2nd Month, baby gear, baby products, Sleeping • Views: 2185

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• Swaddling

  

  So if I was tired, and wanted to go to sleep, and you grabbed a giant blanket and tried to wrap me up so my arms and legs were completely disabled… I would not be psyched. I would not sleep better. I would not feel calm and cozy. I would probably think I was in a Turkish Prison.

  But even though the idea of being restricted for you as an adult feels like torture, I am a HUGE believer of the swaddle for babies.

  I notice it all the time, when I put my baby down, her arms and legs will shoot out like she is falling through the earth. This reflex supposedly dates back to when we were monkey’s and had to hang on to our mom’s fur for dear life. So it is cute, but totally unnecessary, because I am pretty sure I don’t expect her to hang on to my sweatshirt as I swing down my stair case. I got you kid… with my opposable thumbs and all.

  So when you swaddle them, you may notice they thump and wiggle around in there, but these movement do not seem to disturb them in the same way as when they are totally exposed. In a way, it makes total sense. Besides the whole feeling like she is back in the womb thing, I think people need some restrictions in life to feel safe. When life is too limitless, it feels almost manic. I think we all can get over-stimulated if there is zero regulation. Bounderies are healthy. Think of how important they are in relationships.

  I digress… point is, I was already swaddling my baby at night, but I was not during the day. As I have mentioned before, I didn’t have a set schedule for her, so I wasn’t anticipating her need for a nap. I would just notice she was tired, and then pick her up and rock her, and before I knew it she was sleeping in my arms. If I tried to put her down, she would wake up.

  But then, I got this brilliant idea!

  If I know my baby is tired, I swaddle her before I rock/nurse her. That way, she is already all contained, and when I try to put her down, she actually stays asleep! DO YOU KNOW WHAT THIS MEANS? IT MEANS THAT I CAN DO SOMETHING ELSE WITH MY TIME WHILE SHE SLEEPS! This was a huge revelation for me!

  My favorite swaddling blanket is “the miracle blanket” http://www.miracleblanket.com/index.htm

  January 13, 2011 • 2nd Month, baby gear, baby products, Sleeping • Views: 1419

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• Are You Trying to Manipulate Me?

  

  So I decided that I was going to try to give the baby a pacifier. Considering how much sucking is part of her daily life, I figured it would be nice to suck on something other than me. So I put the thing in her mouth… she spits it out. I do it again… she spits it out. I do it about 10 more times, and get the same reaction.

  So then I put in her mouth, and hold it in with the tip of my finger. She sucked on it for a minute, then sort of heaved in a gagging motion until my moved my finger and she spit the damn thing out again.

  My friend Grace came over, and asks how she was liking the pacifier.

  “Well she keeps acting like it’s gagging her…”

  “Acting like it’s gagging her, or it is gagging her?” Holy crap Grace… You have one hell of a point there! She is not pretending to gag to mess with my mind… She is actually gagging!

  I know maybe that sounds dumb, but it was a total revelation for me. She is not trying to manipulate me by gagging, or crying, or fussyness. She is just feeling what she feels and reacting. She may not even get that I am spending my entire life and energy just trying to understand her needs. She is just living her life and reacting to what I put in front of her.

  They are crying out of need, not emotion. There is no need to take anything personally.

  So as potentially obvious as this may be, your baby is not fucking with you, they are just trying their best to communicate to you!

  January 7, 2011 • 1st Month, baby gear, Parenting • Views: 1609

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• Bebe’s 1st Bath

  

  Baby’s first bath

  Although this may not be something you want to think about too deeply, birth cheese is really good for your baby’s skin. You know, the white shit that covers the baby when its born? Yes, that stuff. So you actually don’t want to rush to wash it off, but rather rub it in and let it seep into your babies pours. Yum! Point is, when I took bebe home, she had yet to have her first bath.

  I was sitting on the bed with bebe, my mother, and my friend Grace, and we were all sweating in the excessive summer heat. My mom was holding bebe when she started to fuss. It was her first real declaration of protest, so I felt like something was definitely disturbing her.

  “Ummm Mom, something is going on, maybe give her to me.”
  “Oh she is fine Toni. She is just happy to be with her grandma.” I thought, “well, okay, she was a mom too, she probably knows what she is talking about,” but the fussiness only intensified.

  “Okay mom… maybe give her to me. I think she is uncomfortable.” My mom rolled her eyes and handed her to me, and at that moment, the problem became painfully obvious for all involved. She had pooed. But not just any poo. A poo as black and sticky as tar… a poo that seemed as if it had been summoned from the depths of hell… a poo with a mass so impressive, it could have competed with a frat boy after a night of drinking and McDonald’s… a poo that seemed to be comprised of a substance from another dimension that had oozed all the way down her back, and into her hair.

  “Holy shit! Literally! Ahhhhhhhhhhhh! We need to get her in the bath!!!!” Not sure if my new precious bebe was leaking toxic sludge, I knew that I had to get this shit of her pronto. Now I had never given a little newborn a bath before, and their bodies are so scrawny, and now my little lizard was covered in poo that rationally I did not want to touch, but practically, my hands where now immersed in.

  We rushed the baby into the bathroom, and my mom ran the bath as I held the baby dripping poo onto my toes, and now very agitated. My mom, in her best intentions, had purchased a bath that was too big for bebe’s tiny body, and I, in my usual Toni way, never even examined the bath she had bought.

  “This bath is too big! I can’t put her down in that! She is going to drown!”
  “Oh Toni, don’t be ridiculous. Just hold her up in the bath and support her.”

  I bent over and placed the baby in the water, while Grace searched for a washcloth. My mom had added soap to the water, which only made her slippery, and I thought she was going to shoot out my hands and get sucked down the drain.

  “Fuck mom… I hate this bath. It’s too big. Why did you put soap in the water?? She is too wiggly and slippery! Ahhhhhhhh.”

  “Oh for God’s sake Toni, just hold on to her and Grace can wipe off the poo!”
  “Ahhhh Mom!! I can’t support her head at this angle! It’s gonna fall off!!”

  With the help of my mom and Grace, we did get the poo that would have made Satan proud off her. We then got her dressed, and while I was still panting from the whole ordeal she was asleep again.

  “Man… I am lucky you guys were here! What would I have done with out you?”

  So what I learned about
  1) Bebe’s first poo is pretty gnarly so watch out. That is a lot of impacted shit up in there.
  2) Know about the basic equipment you are going to be using, and do a dry run. Make sure you are comfortable with the things that you have bought to take care your bebe!

  November 30, 2010 • 1st Month, 1st time for everything, baby gear • Views: 1438

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