5-8 months

  • I Want it Because YOU Want it!

    Has this ever happened to you? You are hungry, you go into the kitchen to make a sammich, and someone is in there. You say to them “I am going to make a sammich do you want one?” And they respond to you “No thanks. I am not hungry.” Now, you were perfectly willing to make them their own, sammich, but you are hungry, and when your sammich is done you are looking forward to eating the entire thing. After one delicious chomp you hear “Can I have a bite?”

    I don’t know about you, but I hate when people do this to me, and yet I do it to people all the time.

    What is it about other people’s things that makes me what them?

    I see this tendency in The Munch already, and sometimes I even use it to my advantage. If she is bored with her toy, but I want her to still be entertained, I will take whatever it is, and put it my mouth and act like I am having the best time. I will remark on the texture of said object, look at it intently, and maybe even give it a kiss. This makes The Munch what that toy more than ever! She reaches out her arms, opens her mouth in eagerness, and grunts “Give me that thing!!! You are having so much fun with it!”

    Even babies think the grass is greener on the other side of the fence. There is something about someone else’s desire that makes it all the more attractive. How many times do people get interested in their best friend’s girl, or like a guy more because your friend said he was cute? Or you are about to give away a shirt, and the fact that someone actually wants it makes you want to keep it? Maybe that other person’s longing validates your own. Or maybe we just want to possess everything that someone else has because then we feel better than them?

    Munch: “Hey, I got this orange foot here… I am thinking of getting rid of it.”
    Calvin: “Don’t do that, I will take that foot.”

    Munch: “Naw… actually, I am gonna just keep it.”

    Calvin: “No… gimme that thing! You said you didn’t want it.”
    Munch: “Well I want it now!”

    Munch “Look at this cool orange foot I got. I really love it.”

    March 23, 2011 • 5-8 months, baby brain, Musings • Views: 1990

  • Manicuring a Manic Monkey

    If you had long nails, you wouldn’t necessarily scratch your face right? You might use them to itch different parts, but you wouldn’t go around making yourself bleed. I keep trying to explain this to The Munch, but she doesn’t seem to be reading the memo. If I am not careful she is going to look like Edward Scissorhands.

    By the way, she is not the only person she scratches. The Munch scratches me too. I look like I just got to second base with a rose bush. The neighbors are starting to talk.

    I know what you are thinking. Why don’t you cut her nails Toni?

    Yeah. I have thought of that too. But you try clipping the nails of wild beast. They don’t sit still. And you know what happens when they move, you clip their finger!! Ohhhhh the horror that the first time I learned for sure that blood ran through her veins rather than the organic Turkey Hotdogs I ate every night during the pregnancy, it was because I made her bleed! I feel the guilt of a Catholic girl on prom night just thinking about it.

    So I tried biting her nails instead, and on accident I bit her finger. Needless to say she was not a big fan of this, and now I sleep with one eye open.

    So if anyone asks, little scratches are the new black this season.

    (This scratch is so in right now)

    (This is her first band-aid after I clipped her finger 🙁 )

    March 22, 2011 • 5-8 months, baby body • Views: 2804

  • My Baby Doesn’t Like You

    There are some people my baby doesn’t like. I know that is bizarre to even think of… a baby not liking you. But it happens. Baby are humans too, and just like us, there are some people they just don’t vibe with.

    When I don’t like someone, I usually hide my feelings and act like I do. Why is that? If you don’t like a person, shouldn’t you just let them know you don’t like them so they leave you alone? Probably. Have I ever done that in my life? No. I would much rather have someone think I like them, then go through the awkwardness of making my feelings known. “Oh, yeah, I actually find you really annoying and this conversation is boring me.” I have never said something even remotely like that. Instead I find myself saying things more along the line of “Wow, that’s a fascinating story about your washing machine. Go deeper.”

    Maybe I am afraid if I were to be obvious when I don’t like someone, they might let me know the same. That they don’t like me. And you know what? I really don’t want to know if you like me or not… I would rather naively assume you did.

    When The Munch doesn’t like someone, it is pretty apparent. She gives them the stink eye, and starts to get all persnickety. I know that person is thinking “Man, Toni has a seriously fussy baby,” and I let them think that. I might even say “Oh, she has been in a really pissy mood today,” so they don’t feel bad. But it isn’t true. She was in a great mood right before you got here. It’s not my baby, it’s you.

    March 21, 2011 • 5-8 months, baby brain • Views: 4102

  • Spring! I Know Your Dirty Little Secret ;)

    There is something about the word “spring” that evokes delight. Maybe it is the “g” at the end, accenting the mouth with a particular ping. Unlike “fall,” which provokes the mouth into a slight frown, “spring” inspires the corners of our mouths to turn upwards into a smile. Coincidence? I think not!

    So what is spring but the actual observation of life springing back up from the ground? Watching the earth transform from the solace of brown, to the seduction of green. A physical manifestation to remind us of the eternal cycle of existence of everything.

    The rebirth of nature.

    So if nature is being reborn, that means nature is also getting laid right? Maybe that is why everyone has that extra spring in their step?

    March 20, 2011 • 5-8 months, Musings • Views: 1824

  • The Super Moon!

    This is the most magical weekend! Not only is tonight a full moon, it’s a SUPER full moon! (Yes, that is the technical term). The closest the moon has been to the earth in 20 years! AND… Sunday is the Spring Equinox! A celebration of rebirth, beauty and life.

    Holy feminine energy!

    So I wanted to suggested spending the weekend honoring the feminine side in all of us. The nurturing part, the darkness, the depth. Mothering yourself, so you can show that same care to the people in your life you love.

    Also, think about this idea of re-birth. What in your life is toxic? Whether it be a relationship, habit, way of thinking… How about trying to let go. Cutting the strings that are holding you back from your own bliss. What do you have to lose besides finding your joy?

    The Munch and I are going to spend the day meditating on the moon and exploring our inner selves. Sending positive quantum energy out into the universe and love to all those that are suffering. Envisioning a world that honors the goddess inside all of us, the mother, the earth.

    So much love to all of you!

    Hearts and Stars

    March 19, 2011 • 5-8 months, Musings • Views: 2985

  • Stress

    Stress stresses me out. Life is full of stress. Relationship stress. Work stress. Money stress. Even if you totally isolate yourself from the outside world, chances are that you would stress yourself out.

    Part of me feels like it is a my responsibility not let my negative feelings disturb The Munch’s Chi. That being a parent means learning how to separate your turmoil from their innocent existence. Kind of like the thinking “you don’t bring your problems to the job.” But being a parent is not just a full time job, it is an all the time job, so can I really expect myself never to show my own emotional complexities. And if I do, am I sheltering her from understanding that I am person with feelings, and I too deserve empathy?

    But at the same time, I know that I am impacted when I am around someone who is in a bad mood. It definitely makes me take on a bit of their strife. And it is not like I can explain to her what is going on, because she doesn’t even get when I try to tell her not to chew on the dog toy. Besides, doesn’t it always feel better to be around someone who is happy, because happiness is contagious? Maybe I am projecting, but I feel like she is sensitive to energies and being around joyfulness penetrates her cells in a positive way.

    In my pre-baby days, when I was stressed I would shut myself off and retreat into my own inner insanity. Maybe I would dwell for a bit, cry, obsess a bit more, and then start the cycle all over again. But now that I have The Munch in my life, who finds looking at the ceiling hilarious, it is hard to hold onto my stress for very long.

    (The Munch “stressed” out because her hands have transformed into bunnies)

    PS I can’t stop thinking about the mommies in Japan. They must be so stressed about the safety and health of their babies. Please do what you can to send them love, positive energy, aid… anything you can give.

    March 18, 2011 • 5-8 months, Mommy Mind, Musings • Views: 2112

  • Baby Ambien

    Have you ever heard that it is our brains that need to sleep and not our bodies? Or that sleep depravation is an actual form of torture?! And how come we have to “fall asleep?” Isn’t that so dramatic? Why don’t step into sleep… or cruise there? Maybe all the knowledge of the universe is in our dreams, and the price we pay is waking up.

    Oh sleep… how do I miss thee… I would count the ways, but I might pass out.

    I get that every parent has an issue with their baby… mine just happens to be sleep. It is not that I have a problem getting her to sleep, it is that she wakes up almost every two hours… every hour if I am lucky. She doesn’t cry… she doesn’t even wake up. She just grunts. She grunts and grunts and thrashes her head like Stevie Wonder in search for my nipple. Now I don’t know about you, but I find sleeping while someone is sucking on my boob next to impossible.

    Point is I wake up a lot… meaning I have to “fall” back asleep a lot too. I can acknowledge that part of this is my own doing. She does sleep right next to me, and from what I understand, breastfed babies usually do wake up more. Those are choices I made, and I can’t blame The Munch. If I was sleeping next to a pizza all night chances are I would wake up for a few bites too.

    I tried complaining to my mom about it, who suggested that I “Put her in a crib in an other room like I did with you. You were down stairs so you really had to fuss to get my attention.” Well, now that my life long battle with insomnia is solved, I am still not sure what my best strategy is. Sure baby Ambien would be great, if I could get my hands on some.

    So what I am telling myself is that even though I never get more than two hours of uninterrupted sleep, the fact that I am sleeping so close to her little mind makes me feel that maybe our dreams our melding together. That we will forever have a connection in the astral plane of our slumber, so even when we are apart we can always visit in our unconscious.

    March 17, 2011 • 5-8 months, Mommy Body, Mommy Mind, Sleeping • Views: 8673

  • She Gets that I am Taking her Picture

    Picture the moment of getting your picture taken. You think back to your catalogue of faces that look best. The sort of smile, the half smile, the sort of half smile, the look away candid shot, and the look directly into the camera intensely shot. No matter how natural and unaware you try to look, the reality of the moment being captured, and potentially tagged, will always cloud the authenticity with a hint a self-consciousness. The awareness lurks as a shadow of the shot.

    Before having The Munch, I hardly ever took pictures. I felt that the act of taking out the camera took me out of what I was actually experiencing. That, and I was too lazy to carry a camera around with me. I originally thought I was never going to be one of those parents who had to document every drool. I was above that. Maybe I would take a few avant garde shots with her in surrounded by pussy willows wearing white lace, but that is it.

    Yeah right

    I have about 1000 pictures of her already, and she is only 8 months old. I know this because I take them all on my phone. I am not sure how she is going to feel about the fact that her baby hood has been captured almost exclusively by a Blackberry, but I never grew out of being too lazy to bring a camera around thing.

    Now the thing that baffles me, is that she knows she is getting her picture taken. I am sure of it. I swear on everything holy that she poses. Considering that I take her picture exclusively with my phone, only makes her intentional smiles and grins more outrageous. How can she tell the difference between my texting, and taking her picture? I guess because she is a genius, obviously, but still.

    It makes me wonder about why we take pictures and what they mean to us. I think the pictures we take of others has to do with the desire to solidify a memory. Acknowledging an instance of beauty and never wanting to let it go. A cavernous need to feel like we have some control over the ethereal nature of time that is always passing no matter how much we want it to slow down. But what about pictures of ourselves? Is there an element of vanity? Sure. That exists. I want a hot picture of me so others will see and confirm my hotness. But there is also something deeper. A desperate feeling to encapsulate our youth considering every second brings us closer to our mortality. Maybe part of the satisfaction of seeing a picture of ourselves a reminder that we are alive?

    March 16, 2011 • 5-8 months, baby brain, Musings • Views: 1927

  • The Sensations of Life

    Do you notice how is almost impossible not to attach feelings to the different sensations you experience in life? If you are cold, don’t you also feel kind miserable? Or if you are itchy, you may find that annoying? Or if you have intense gas, wouldn’t you feel sorry for yourself? “Poor me and my stomach full of flatulence.” Or if you smell someone’s breath, you might think of it as “bad” breath. Whatever assaults your senses, often comes with a judgment attached.

    But for babies, they just experience the different stimulus of their body. For The Munch, if my dog sticks her tongue in her mouth, she probably can tell it is slimy, or warm, but I don’t think she thinks it is as “gross” as I do. Or if I eat garlic bread and blow in her face. She seems to feel the wind of my breath, and I am sure notices an unfamiliar stench, but it doesn’t stop her from shoving her hands in my mouth and pulling on my tongue.

    Imagine if we could apply this thinking to all aspects of our lives. That no matter what we felt, we just noticed and acknowledged it as a feeling. A vibration. “Oh, so that is what a broken heart feels like.” Or “Huh, this is the feeling of being in traffic. How interesting.” Isn’t there a certain freedom in just noticing and acknowledging all that happens, but not insisting that it is “good or “bad?” It just is.

    (The Munch feeling the sensation of being plopped in a snow bank for my amusement)

    March 15, 2011 • 5-8 months, baby body, baby brain, Musings • Views: 1905