The Munch now expects a treat every day when she gets home from school. I don’t really know how this happened. I guess one day I gave her one, and then the next, and now it is just a thing she has come to anticipate. So fine – her life long addiction to sugar has begun.
Here is the problem with delicious addictive substances – you always want more. It is hard to find the balance. Sure maybe you start off with one line of cocaine, and then a few months later you are eating out a stranger’s ass for crack. It is just the nature of the beast.
Of course not everyone has addictive personalities. There are some who can occasionally have a cigarette when they are inebriated, or just have a hit of weed to watch a Pink Floyd laser show. And goddess bless those people and their impeccable understanding of moderation. I just don’t think Munch is like that. I mean we are talking about a girl who would watch the ipad until her eyes bled if I let her. So I understand that it is important I teach her the lesson of restraint.
So yesterday Munch came home and wanted some chocolate. Okay. I gave her two squares of organic milk chocolate with hazelnuts in it. Seems like a pretty fucking epic treat right?
Munch: Mamma, can I have one more piece?
Toni: Dude, I just gave you two pieces. That is enough. You can have more tomorrow.
Munch: Just one more piece! I promise!
Toni: And you won’t ask for any more treats for the rest of the day if I give you one more piece?
Munch: I promise!
Toni: Okay, I am choosing to believe you! Here you go. One more piece…
Munch: NOOOOOOO!!! WAAAAAAHHHHHHAAAAA!! THAT IS TOO TINY!!! WAHHHHHHAAAAA!
Toni: Dude, that is one piece! You asked for one piece and that is what I gave you?
Munch: NOOOOOOOOO!! IT IS TOO TINY MAMMA!!! WAHHHHAAAAAHHHHAAAA!
Toni: You know what? You can have this one piece, or you can go upstairs to your room and cry and have no pieces.
And with that she ran into the other room to weep at her misfortune. But what the fuck!? First of all, I was being nice by giving her an extra piece. Second of all, she asked for one piece and I gave her one! Third of all, the pieces are the same size because they are chocolate squares. This one was no more tiny than any other!?
So then I had to implement a very important parenting strategy. Letting your kid cry on their own when they are being an unreasonable asshole.
Toni: Munch, when you are ready to stop crying you can come get a hug. I will be in the office.
The Munch sat on the couch and lamented and mourned. But then she went and got her chocolate and gave me a big hug. I wish this strategy worked with everyone.
(That piece of chocolate is NOT tiny!)
