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Musings
Category

  • Thinking Too Much About You, Will Make You Miserable

    Thinking about yourself is the root of all misery. I know this from personal experience. I have spent a lot of time thinking about myself. I would in fact, spend most every moment, of every day, thinking about me. Even if I was thinking about someone else, I was thinking about how they were affecting… me. Me. Me. Me.

    Take a second to think about what you think about. Really try and recall what that voice in your head is actually saying to you. Chances are that it is not that positive… not that productive… and not serving you. I feel like our inner monologues are the cause of much internal suffering with the blah blah blahing that clouds our thoughts. “Am I too fat? Am I good enough? Does he like me? Why doesn’t he like me? What should I wear? Will I look hot in that? Does my boss hate me? I wish I hadn’t eaten that. I like her boots. I would like lame in boots like that. I should work harder. I work too much. Will I ever succeed?” It’s exhausting how our minds torture us.

    In so many ways, I feel like so much of what we do is an attempt to distract ourselves from ourselves. To not be haunted by the you inside of you. Work, exorcize, sex, tv, reading, drinking, drugs… is all an attempt to escape.

    Maybe that is why falling in love can be so intoxicating. For a short period of time, you think about something other than yourself. The thought of that person totally consumes you and it is as if you can’t think of anything other than them. In a way, the impulse to find love, is the same that inspires us to get puppies. Yes… I do believe that is true. Falling in love with a man is totally like getting a puppy. But hopefully, a man won’t shit on your living room rug. At least more than once.

    When we get a puppy (or any animal), we bring home a being that is totally dependent, totally adorable, and utterly loveable. The responsibility of having a pet creates a dynamic that enables you to care for another being other than yourself. It takes you out of the mundane misery of thinking about you all day. You now can think of your sweet little creature and have peace in those moments.

    So in a way, having a baby is like bringing home a puppy and falling in love at the same time! I have been so zenned out since having her because I have had zero time to think about me and all my dumb problems and insecurities! I am fully aware that I if I come to use her as too much of a distraction that will totally backfire in my face… but I am definitely enjoying the beauty of thinking about her all day.

    December 18, 2010 • 1st Month, Mommy Mind, Musings • Views: 4858

  • Where Do Babies Come From??

    Technically, I know where babies come from. Sort of. I mean, I have a vague idea of what happens from 8th grade science class, and diagrams on the internet of a tadpole like creatures turning into a baby. You know… if you think about it from an evolutionary standpoint (assuming you believe in that sort of thing) the human gestation period mimics the evolution of life on the planet. A primitive single cell organism (sperm) that develops into an amphibian with a tail, and then eventually a mammal. Crazy town!

    So yes, there is a rational, scientific explanation of where babies come from… but that does not satisfy my genuine intrigue of how this all happens. There is such magic and mystery to how one day you are suddenly hosting a life… a life that develops completely without any conscious effort. It is not like you sit around being like “okay body, now its time to create the ears.” All this happens without any deliberate effort on your part. You just have to do is ride the wave of the experience.

    Having a baby connects you to questioning the impetus of life, period. Life as meta concept. How was life created? How do you get from life not existing, to suddenly just being? Is life eternal? Has it always existed? If so, has the baby always existed? If yes, then where? Another dimension? What is that spark? The initiation that creates life? I feel now more than ever the vast unanswerable wonderment of it all.

    I was once watching the discovery channel, and it was talking about how all the building blocks of life, the hard elements that comprise every living being on the planet, are the same as the insides of stars. So the theory was that the implosion of stars, and the stardust falling to the earth, was what ignited life to be possible. Isn’t that the most breathtaking thing you have ever heard? That we are children from the stars!

    When I look at this newborn baby, I think I can totally see that, because she does kinda look like an alien ;o)

    December 3, 2010 • 1st Month, Musings • Views: 895

  • What Do Babies Dream About?

    Newborn babies sleep a shit ton. This baby of mine, I swear on everything holy, sleeps about 20-22 hours a day. The rare moments that she has her eyes open, all I want to do is stare into them and interact with her, because that time with her being awake is so rare and precious. Not that I am complaining. It is nice to hold a sleeping content baby all day. It is like the ultimate cuddle session.

    I get that during these endless days of sleep her brain is developing, and her body is growing at astronomical speeds… but I cannot help from wondering… what is she dreaming about all that time??

    I have two theories on this. Either, she is dreaming about past lives, and is working out the karmic debt of all that. Like she is going over all her triumphs and mistakes of being a Native American princess, or Cleopatra, or Ronald Reagan, or something along those lines. Or, she is dreaming of the material that is given to her in her own life experience. Maybe that is why they sleep so peacefully in the beginning? Because the majority of their life was spent sloshing around in the womb? Maybe each day that they live, they are given new visual stimulus to dream about? Maybe that is why sleep becomes more of a challenge, as they grow older? Because there is so much to process with all that they are exposed to?

    If I think that I am providing her with the vocabulary to narrate her dreams, that is not only a whole lot of responsibility, but also a serious honor! It inspires me to imagine brining her to the most beautiful places so her eyes can feast on the buffet that will entertain her while she is off in never never land.

    December 3, 2010 • 1st Month, Baby Brain, Musings • Views: 765