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Meditation (for when life does, and doesn’t suck)

I have kind of a manic personality. It is hard for me to sit still, and I often will talk to the point of the other person spacing out wishing they had said “yes” to watching that movie. My parents often referred to me as “bipolar” as a child, indicating something about what kind of kid I was, and how my parents were pretty insensitive. Regardless, a lot of people would suggest that I meditate to harness some of my excessive energy, as I would fantasize about punching them in the face. I didn’t like the idea of sitting and doing nothing, especially if I could stand and hear myself talk.

As life would have it, I one day decided to do a 10-day silent meditation retreat. Considering I had never meditated before, that might have been a bit extreme… but If I am going to do something, I am going to go hard… even if it is being peaceful and one with the universe.

The meditation strategy at this particular retreat was called the Hua-Tou method. An oversimplified explanation of this experience is that we spent from 4am-10pm in a meditative state, repeating the same mantra over and over and over again. This mantra was to help us connect to the mysteries of the universe, and all that is unexplainable through the confines language. Questions like “Where do I go when I die?” or “Where is my mind? Is it entrapped in my brain, or do we all share a collective consciousness that is ethereal and without matter?” The type of things you think about as a teenager smoking a joint and eating Fruity Pebbles, but the sensation is much more profound. The answers are not something to be explained, but an awareness to be felt by the higher plane of our true selves. I came to realize that because I am apart of the cosmos, I inherently know everything, because we are all one… but my ego… the “I” of my existence is what takes me out of understanding the eternal nature of this connection. Blah…blah…blah

That experience not only transformed my life, but also re-wired the way my brain worked. It made me appreciate the present in an actual visceral way, because I knew it was all I ever had anyway. Meditating doesn’t mean that my life is any less chaotic, but it has helped me in how I deal with the intricacies. Life is going to suck at times, but how you react to what happens is where you have absolute freedom.

As such, I committed to a life of meditation, and meditate every morning and every night. The Munch does it with me… and though she hasn’t grasped the whole silence and sitting still part, I still feel like she gets it and knows she is an eternal being of limitless love.