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Mama Knows Best

Have you ever gotten stung by a bee, wasp, or a yuppie? Doesn’t it suck? I always thought I had an allergy to bee stings. Partly because the sting would get swollen, puffy, and hurt for days and days… and partly because I thought it would get me attention.

So the other day I was texting and walking through the grass, when out of nowhere stepped on a bee. Sure… the bee had to sacrifice its life because of me, but I misspelled my text because of this! Not to mention it hurt like crazy. I got so mad at my phone, the person I was texting, the world. Suddenly, life didn’t make any sense. Why was I being punished? I am good person right? What did I do to deserve this?

As I dropped to my knees to curse God, my mom came outside.

“What happened? You step on a bee?”

“Yes! Yes! Why? Why God Why!?”

My mom went inside, I figured to leave me in peace for my last few moments on planet earth, but then she came out with vinegar and an ice cube wrapped in a paper towel. She poured the vinegar on my foot.

“This will get the stinger out.”

“No Mom it won’t… it is in there forever… I will never walk again.”

“Here, put some ice on it.”

“Nothing is going to help me. Why even bother? I might as well just die.”

I took the ice, smelled my foot, and strangely enough started craving a salad. I got on the phone to say my final goodbyes and noticed my foot didn’t really hurt anymore. After 10 minutes of icing it, it was actually fine. As if nothing had ever happened.

“Huh… I guess my mom was right about that vinegar trick.”

This whole fiasco made me realize I have a lot to learn about home remedies for when The Munch gets hurt. That way I can just swoop in wearing flowing white clothes and fix her burn with ladybug saliva and strawberry seeds.

A wasp sting of my past… pre knowledge from my mama

5 Responses to Mama Knows Best

  1. Emily says:

    HAAAAA! This is by far the most hilarious one! And Toni, I am so sorry you’ve been through so much this week!!! I love that smelling your foot made you crave a salad. That’s my favorite part!

  2. alia says:

    hilarious! mama knows best indeed

  3. Holly says:

    Indeed she does 😉

  4. ipek says:

    When there is no vinegar, you can just pee on bee sting. Its not the most idyllic ending to the flowing white clothes scene but urine is a great remedy.

  5. holly says:

    That works too. But it will have to be her pee. I am not going to pop a squat and play water games with anyone, especially my daughter. But if an absolute emergency, I would for my granddaughter. I say just keep vinegar in the house. It is useful for all sorts of things.

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