Lets say you are at a dinner party. Do you find yourself acting as you would if you were at home alone, or do you adapt your behavior to accommodate the people around you? I am not just talking about chewing with your mouth closed. Does the awareness of people watching you make you hyper concerned with how you are being perceived? Would you rather just be yourself or be liked?

The other night I had a few friends over for dinner, and I kept noticing The Munch looking at me for approval. There would be moments where everyone would be staring at her, but she would be looking at me with a face that said “Is this cool?” At first, I was instinctively encouraging her. “Yeah Munch, that is cute. Keep going.” But what is that about? Should I really be involving myself in her organic behavioral expressions of self just so my friends will think I am the best mom ever to exist on planet earth and my kid is more adorable than any other kid ever to breathe?

This scene made the think of the difference between guidance and controlling. If I interfere too much, she might not develop her own compass of social etiquette. I have seen parents micromanaging every move of their child, which I think makes it harder to learn how to self-regulate. Of course, if I show her no guidance she is going to be a terror and make me look really bad, so I can’t have that either.

But what do I mean by guidance? Is it purely showing by example? Or something more involved than that? Considering she still has no idea what the heck I am talking about, all I have to communicate with her area my facial expressions. And sometimes, she does things that are “bad” that I find really funny and make me laugh!

I know it is up to me to help her understand how to relate to people, because if she is a jerk, she won’t have many friends. I just want to find a balance so that she doesn’t only act how she thinks I want her to, but learns how to act so she can live with herself. I guess things are going to get interesting as she starts to develop more autonomy… but I know I have to work on my not encouraging spitting up water while banging the cup repeating “da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da.” Probably not a good move for a first date.

“Great Party… do you think anyone will notice if I have another one of these? Hey… where’s my shirt?”