Have you ever loved something so much that you totally destroyed it?  Even when we are full of passion for something that makes us uncontrollably happy, there will often exist this buried impulse to crush it.  There is this human compulsion to self-sabotage, just to know what the pain will feel like.

Sometimes the idea of something is so seductive that we can’t handle the pressure of getting what we think we want.  It is as if wanting something is safer than actually having it.  Once a fantasy turns into reality, it becomes too real.  The flaws start to peak through the cracks, and the disappointment of how things actually are is worse than disrupting it yourself – at least if you are the one who fucks everything up you are still in control.

I think that is why this story (or one like it) happens at least once, to every single child.

It was a beautiful Saturday afternoon, and The Munch was given a balloon by her Auntie Emma.  She was totally delighted.  The whole drive home The Munch talked about the balloon, and watched it float around the car.  She couldn’t contain the magic it brought into her world.

When we got home, I grabbed the balloon to bring it inside.  It didn’t have a string, so I had to hold onto it by its balloon penis.  I figured I would find a long ribbon or string once I got I my house….

Munch: Mamma, can I hold the balloon?

Toni: I don’t think it’s a good idea Munch.  If you let go, it will fly away.

Munch: Please Mamma, please!! I really want to hold onto the balloon.

Toni:  Okay, but just DON’T LET GO!

Munch: I won’t.

I grabbed the rest of the stuff from the car, and started to walk in, when I heard “OH NO!”

I turned around, and sure enough, The Munch had let go of the balloon.  We watched it fly into the sky as she lamented with sorrow and regret.

Munch: MY BALLOON!! WAHHHHAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH!!

Toni: Munch! I told you not to let go!

Munch: Wahhhhhahhhaahhhhhhhaaa!! MY BALLOON!!!!! NOOOOOO!!

Okay… so it is NOT very cool to say, “I fucking told you so” when someone is crying – even when you can’t help it and want to rub how right you were in their face.

The Munch was completely dejected.  She kept weeping with remorse, begging me for the impossible.

Munch: Please Mamma. PLEASE!  Wahhhhaaaahhhhaa.  Can you please go find my balloon?  I really want it.

Toni: There is no way I can find it.  It flew away.

Munch: But where is it going? What is going to happen to it?

Toni: It will keep flying in the sky until it deflates and falls down.  Hopefully it doesn’t kill a flock of birds in the process.

Munch: Will it fall down in New Hampshire?

Toni: Maybe.  Or maybe it will fly to Boston?  Or New York? It could fall anywhere.  I just don’t know.

Munch: But I really want my balloon Mamma!

Toni: Well, why did you let go of it?  I told you that it would fly away.

Munch: I know – but I just had to let go.