Being in a relationship with a toddler you have to endure the bipolarity of their emotional disposition towards you. One second they love you so much it is oppressive, the next they hate you because you didn’t let them suck on your boobs in public. It is a lot like being in a relationship with man, except I know this phase with The Munch won’t last forever.
The thing that brings me solace about her ever-changing moods towards my being is the fact that they are ever-changing. She can lean in to bite my shoulder just as easily as to kiss it, but either way it won’t last long. At first I felt a bit like an emotional punching bag, but recently I have come to a realization… I look really good in navy blue.
This is what I think is happening. On the one hand she is allowing herself to indulge in an emotional experience. It is like she is trying on feelings like I would bikinis. Not in front of a mirror, but with some I love, trust, and know will only judge me secretly inside their head. Then she takes the internalization of her sentiments, and externalizes them on me. She has no filter between having an emotional experience, and then needing me to participate in it as a way of processing.
If you think about it, a lot of adults still do this. They get mad at you because you don’t give them or do what they want, but rather than going inside themselves to figure out how best to heal, they take their vile temperament out on you. Or they love you, but so much that they insist on holding your hand while you trying to go to the bathroom because of their constant need to share it with you.
I guess it is up to me to help The Munch develop the tools to best deal with her feelings towards others. She will encounter many people that she loves or hates, and she needs to figure out how to navigate those waters even when they are choppy. Maybe the best gift we can give our children is guiding them to treat people with respect and open honest communication… or maybe an elephant stuffed animal that is life-sized. Yeah… that is probably a better gift.
