It is hard for me to watch someone cry.  Especially when it is a girl weeping over some fucktard guy.  Now I am all for romance and love and all that crap, but hearing some chick say “I just don’t know how to live here in Brattleboro without him… (sob, choke, tears) We moved here together you know? How can I be here and not be with him?” kind of makes me want to fart on her face.

Really sister-friend? Really?  You can’t appreciate the place you live anymore because of some guy? What about your friends? Your work? Your passions? Your creative self? Can’t you just find some other dude to plug up your holes?

Yeah I know I am being insensitive, and that breakups are hard.  I am not minimizing her pain.  I am well aware what its like to have my heart clomped on.  I just sometimes think that we as women give men too much credit.  We want them to be our kings, our everythings, our answers.  That is a lot of pressure don’t you think?  Especially considering that really men are just dogs.  And not because it is their fault, they just are.  The have a different operating system.

Okay fine, I am making a lot of generalizations, but think of it this way.  Lets say a man went to the ballet with his wife.  The woman would be sitting there watching the movement, feeling the music, following the storyline, getting swept up in the romance, appreciating the artistic value, and of course comparing her body to the ballerina’s.  The man on the other hand is watching those limber legs fly around and picturing bending that ballet dancer over, plowing her from behind while her tutu bounced against his chest, and then coming in her face.

You see? We are different creatures.  For a man, every exposure to a woman is highly sexualized.  We assume they are treating us like humans and wanting to get to know our souls, but that is because that is what we are looking for from them.  But that is absurd.  What men want from women and what women want from men are different.  Of course there is a part of them that is yearning to know and appreciate you as the goddess that you are, but then there is another part that is picturing you naked.  It is just the way it is.

So my point is, although it sucks for a relationship to be over, you should be comforted by the fact that at least 98% of the men who saw you today also considered what it would be like to have their penis in your mouth.