I saw a lot of fucked up shit when I was a kid.  I know that is a provocative statement, and I am being dramatic because I mean it in the form of media and not in a hard knocks life kind of way.  But even though movies aren’t real, there have been studies that prove that when you watch images, your brain can’t truly differentiate between the fantasy and reality… so there.  Although I appreciate my parent’s commitment to artistic expression and refusal of censorship, I am pretty sure some of what I was exposed to scarred me for life.

But of course, every action has a positive and negative reaction. I do have to say this same approach was really pivotal and meaningful to developing the person I have become in a constructive way.  For example my mother giving my brother and I the first NWA tape so we could “learn about politics.”  My Mom knew what was up.

Mom, Dad.  I love you.  But seriously, what the fuck were you thinking when you had me watch these?

Example 1

4 years old: The Terminator

Pretty sure this explains my life long battle with insomnia, and fear of robots.

Example 2:

7 Years Old: Small Circle Of Friends

For those of you that don’t know this delightful film, in it, there is a threesome.  Okay, so not the worst thing for your 7-year old to know about sexual experimentation.  But where things get pretty bizarre is the actual location of said threesome was a barn that my family drove past every weekend.  So every weekend, from ages 7-16, when we would pass by this barn a member of my family would point to the barn and reference the movie tittle “Small Circle of Friends,” and we would all remember that special threesome scene.  EVERY WEEKEND.

Example 3:

9 Years Old: Long Time Companion

You are probably not familiar with this film either, so again allow me to give you a synopsis.  Long Time Companion is about how AIDS ravaged the gay community in the 80’s.  Not only did I see gratuitous gay sex, but also all the main characters you grow to love all die from AIDS.  I am not positive but maybe this explains why I would stuff condoms up my twat all through high school in desperate fear of contracting HIV?

Example 4:

12 Years Old: Andy Warhol’s Dracula

So picture this.  My best friend and I are right on the cusp of puberty, and my Mom suggests we watch Andy Warhol’s Dracula… an X rated film… where in it Dracula hunts virgins.  So the girls obviously have to lose their virginity to deter him.  And in one exceptional scene, the virgin loses her V card while standing up in a ballroom and the blood from her broken hymen drips on the floor, which Dracula later finds, gets on his hands and knees, and proceeds to lick up.

I hope all this explains a lot about who I am.

(Little family picture with obviously traumatized children)