Last night at dinner my mom decided to tell an embarrassing story about me – and it is kind of epic.  So now I feel the need to share it with you…

When I was 13-years old I was in love with this boy Hughie.  He was about 7-years older, and looked like Keanu Reeves.  My best friend Bitty and I were obsessed with him.  If she was at the beach and Hughie came, Bitty would run to the clubhouse phone so she could inform me of this rare Hughie sighting.  He was like the Loch Ness Monster of my teenage lust.  I would bike those 2-miles faster than one could drive, and would arrive sweaty and out of breath to gaze at his beauty.  Of course trying to look casual as I panted, dripped, and awkwardly stared.

There was a movie that I loved that was called “She is Out of Control” and in it the girl has this epic moment with the boy she adored.  She has this “make over” where they took off her glasses and ponytail, and she walks down the stairs in a skirt (rather than her usual jean overalls), and smiles at him – revealing her teeth recently freed from the bondage of braces.  This moment was my ultimate fantasy, and I had to relive it.

The problem was I was so supposed to get my braces off at the end of September, and Hughie would be leaving for college in the fall.  How would he see me without my braces and finally fall in love with me?  So I begged my mom to convince my orthodontist to get my braces of a month early, and then made her plan a cocktail party so I would have contact with my beloved.  My plan was that I would serve the Hors D’oeuvres, nonchalantly approach Hughie with a pig in blanket, smile, and he would then marvel at my newly liberated teeth and we would be together forever!

The day of the party I of course hid in my room and wouldn’t come out.

My Mom: Toni – get your ass out here!  I threw this entire cocktail party for you.  I don’t even like people.  You know that!

Bitty:  Toni come on! This is your moment! You have to do this!

I finally emerged, grabbed my tray of mini hot dogs, and made my way over to Hughie.  It was like the choreography of my dreams was suddenly danced into reality.  I offered him a tasty pastry wrapped meat stick, smiled my best smile, and waited.

Hughie: Thanks Toni.  Hey, you got your braces off.

Toni: I did.

Hughie: Well, you look very pretty.

It couldn’t have gone better.  I looked over at Bitty and my Mom and they were eagerly giving me the thumbs up sign.  It was my moment.  What I had been waiting for.  It was time to seduce him into seeing me for the 13-year old mature woman that I was.

I looked down to gather my thoughts and think of the perfect thing to say.  But then I saw a little frog hopping next to my bare feet.  Instinctively I put down the tray, and picked him up.

Toni: Do you want to hold him?

Then Hughie turned to my mom, obviously the only grown up around, and asked,

Hughie: So Holly, where are you sending her to school next year?

(This picture pretty much sums up Bitty and me)