Sigh.  School.  Did you like school?  I didn’t.  Not really.  Maybe I enjoyed it sometimes, but I always remember feeling really depressed Sunday evenings.  Just knowing I was going back left my mouth with this deep taste of dread – which is a flavor remarkably akin to sponge.

It was not like anything traumatic happened; I just wasn’t into the structure, authority, social pressures, and this one kid Micah who had a crush on me.  I remember pretending to be sick as much as I could so I could stay home and watch TV.  I am surprised my parent’s never realized I was reenacting Ferris Bueller’s Day off at least 3 times a month.  I also have to say that my Dad must have been paddling down the canal of denial with some of the things he believed.  He would wake me up during my high school years, and I would casually explain through closed eyes that I had the morning off and didn’t have to be there until 11.  “Oh okay Toni.  Well have a good rest.  I guess it didn’t matter after all that you stayed up until 3am talking on the phone.”

When I was in school I would find every excuse possible to leave each and every class I was in.  I asked to use the restroom so often that I think my teachers eventually accepted that I either had a serious bladder infection, or irritable bowel syndrome.  The second I figured out how to skip school, I would do that every chance I got.  Sometimes that included writing a note from my parents that I had to leave early, other times it meant I would tell my male teachers I had incapacitating cramps and I had to lie down in a river of my own menses.  There is nothing like talking about a gushing bloody vagina to make a man want you to get as far away from him as possible.

So recently The Munch has not wanted to go to school.  Now, I find this to be sort of dramatic considering her “schooling” consists of playing outside, and a teacher who makes Mr. Rogers seem like a dictator.  I guess it all started last Monday when her best friend Hazel was sick, and the teacher made her wear wool mittens outside because I forgot to pack any others.  She had never not wanted to go to school before, so originally I thought it was just a one-day thing and let her stay home.  But then she became committed, and refused to go back.

Munch: No Mamma no!! I don’t want to go to school today!!! THEY MAKE ME WEAR ITCHY MITTENS!!

Toni: Munch listen.  You have your own mittens now.  They are in your monkey backpack and there are soft, pink, and not itchy.

But no logic would work on her.  The Munch was adamant about not going.  When I dropped her off this morning she was screaming and crying in protest.  Hazel and Calvin came up and tried to comfort her, give her hugs, and encourage her to come inside – but Munch was having non it.  I had to bring her into the building kicking and screaming, but keep in mind the abode looks like it was whittled by gnomes.  It is not an intimidating place.

Munch: No Mamma no!! Don’t go! I WILL MISS YOU! PLEASE DON’T GO! I WANT TO BE WITH YOU!

Okay it is never easy to hear your child say stuff like this.  And as I was trying to pry her off me this other kid was having a total melt down about his mom leaving.  He was really losing it, and it was so dramatic that Munch momentarily forgot about her angst so she could observe this kid’s outburst.  At that moment I started to feel really sad, and it was hard to leave The Munch.  But I also had to.  So I brought her to the back room and tried to say goodbye.  She held onto my neck so tight she was like a barnacle.

Toni: Munch, you have to let go.  Mamma is going to say goodbye and I would like to say goodbye nicely with a hug and a kiss.  But I will leave you here crying as well.

The teacher came over and The Munch still wouldn’t let go.  I had to extract myself from her vice grip, and she barley stopped crying long enough to give me a kiss so I could go… and walk pass the boy who was still expressing his vast discontent.

In the parking lot I felt really conflicted, but my friends Sierra and Grace where there to help me see that all was okay.  They told me how both Calvin and Hazel had these days, and we talked about how once the novelty of school goes away, it does kind of suck.

Sierra: But that is okay that school sucks right? When she is at home, Munch can do whatever she wants, but at school she has to do stuff she doesn’t always want to. But she will get through it, and that is empowering.  You can’t give your kids self-esteem.  They have to earn it.  And so they can do that from dealing with all the shitty shit that is life.

And then I got to the car and my phone rang and sure enough it was Munch’s teacher.

Teacher: 45 seconds.  That was all.  And then she was fine.