I love my baby. I love holding her. I adore cuddling with her. But this bitch won’t let me put her down and it is driving me a little nuts!
It used to be, that if she fell asleep on me, I could slip her off my chest and lay her on her side on the bed. Now, if she is asleep, and I try to transition her off me, she will wake up and immediately let me know she does not approve of my decision-making capabilities. Now because I am her Mom, and I love her and want her to get her rest so her brain can develop, I pick her right back up. She then nestles into me, and goes back to sleep. How can I resist that?
However, considering she is sleeping almost 18 hours a day, it is super hard for me to do anything. Okay, yes, I am getting some serious reading done, but maybe I want to go to the bathroom, or eat something, or do anything besides hold a sleeping baby. And when she is awake, I just end up playing with her because it is still so rare that her eyes are open, and I love her so much it pains my soul. I want to spend time with her when she is alert, but I am fucking hungry and I probably have weeks of impacted shit in my colon.
Not to mention she doesn’t have an exact schedule yet, so I cannot anticipate how long I will be in any one position holding her. It could be an hour, it could be three… so sometimes I get trapped and feel like only a contortionist could withstand what I am doing just to avoid waking my peaceful sleeping baby.
This is how I am keeping myself from completely losing my mind. I am telling myself that if I can stick this out, and just be her human sleeping mat, she will eventually feel secure enough that I can put her down to nap. She is only 5 weeks old, and this is only transitory. I must cherish this time of just holding her. It is not going to last forever, and I am building the intimacy of our relationship because as she rests she knows her mommy is forever there for her.