There are days where she refused to be satisfied unless I am looking at her. If I divert my attention for one moment to do something important like look at Facebook, her grunts of discontent grate my soul until I succumb, and look at her again. It is not like she is even doing anything either. She isn’t about to do a head spin, or advanced mathematics. She is just lying there. The best she has to offer me are some flailing arms and an expression of excitement so charming I am convinced she inherited it from me.

But then what? Okay… I look at you. It makes you happy, but I can’t just stare at you all day.

“Why not? You used to stare at me all day when we first met? Why not now?” (She is a very advanced infant and already speaks in complete sentences. Albeit telepathically).

And she is right! Spending my day gazing at her was enough for me. What has changed?

For one, she is awake a hell of a lot more hours then she used to be. So there was an actual time factor to consider.

For two, I am getting used to her. It is kind of like falling in love. You know how when you first fall in love, you do things like watch them sleep… or text message passionate messages you labor over with the intentionality of a calligraphist. But as they become a part of your life, an expected pattern, those little tokens turn into jumping the turnstile. You don’t put in the same effort, because you don’t think they are going anywhere. It doesn’t mean you love them any less, you are just less consumed as the novelty that kept you in rapture transforms into the security of a blanket.

So what do I do about this? As much as I want to observe her every moment as I watch her grown and develop like film in solution, I also sometimes want to do other things?

The way I am trying to deal with this is to make sure I give her specific time where I am 100% present. If she wants me to look at her. Okay. If she wants me to help her stand, done. If she wants to bounce her legs and blow bubbles with her spit. I applaud her. If I give her time when she is asking for it, I find she is more likely to give me time when I ask for it.

And you want to know what? Half the time she is self-entertaining I just watch how cute she is.