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How long is too long to breastfeed?

Imagine you had a pet leech. A leech you had to bring with you everywhere you went, because you loved that leech, and you wanted to protect it. Say that you could either feed that leech by sticking it on your skin, and letting it feast on your blood, or you had to grind up fresh organic steamed veggies that were of course locally grown, and picked by virgins. You then had to let that leech feed itself, so it could “experiment” with food and texture… and then that leech slimed around and got food everywhere. Wouldn’t you just let that leech drink your blood?

So you get my metaphor right?

I have this thing with babies and food. They are not neat eaters. They get food all over themselves, and then the food spit paste gets on their hands, and they want to touch everything. Something about it really makes my OCD excel into overdrive.

And then there is the preparing you have to do. The dishes, the cleaning, the remembering to bring the food with you. All this when I can just use my boobs. They are always there, like trusted friends. They keep making food for The Munch… in fact, I don’t even have to think about it. There is no conscious effort on my part like having to churn butter. It just happens.

And not to be vain or anything, but breastfeeding is the best diet I have ever been on. I can eat whatever I want, and rather than it going to my hips, it turns into food. It is like I don’t even have to digest… each burger just plops into a boob.

Now I know things can get really awkward as babies become kids. Maybe not for the parties involved, but for everyone else pretending there are not staring. I have a vivid memory of a boy running over to his mom, lifting up her shirt, getting a top-off, then returning to soccer practice. An image like that never quite leaves you. In fact, if you want to have nightmares for the next 4-8 months check out this video.

As such, I gave The Munch her first food. An avocado. At first, she was a apprehensive, and there was some gagging and dry heaving involved… but then she got into it. Although I will still breastfeed her for a while, I am paving the path so things don’t get uncomfortable at her prom.

“Ummmm… are you sure about this whole eating thing mom?”

“Wait… lemme try that again”

“Okay… I am into it”