What is it about MTV award shows that makes me want to kill myself? Maybe it is the fact that 70% of the people are wearing sunglasses inside, or maybe it is all the flashing lights and fast editing that gives me multiple miner seizures. But most likely it is the fact all these people, (some of them kids way younger than me), are way more successful, and it sort of makes me want to die.

Yes… I think that is it. Justin Bieber’s success makes me want to stick my head in the oven Sylvia Plath style and say goodbye to this cruel cruel world.

But why is that? It is not like I ever wanted to be a pop star, although I think I would have written some pretty stellar lyrics.

Ooooooooooooo baby baby baby
I want to make you crave me
Ooooooooooooo girl girl girl
I want to give you a pearl… necklace

See what I am talking about!

Sadly enough, when women are more successful than me it feels even worse. Part of me wants to tear them down, pick them apart, say they aren’t as cool as they think they are, critique their fashion, make fun of their bodies, while the other part of me cries bloody tears of self-loathing and regret.

Maybe I need to watch more of the news… that won’t depress the shit out of me at all.

Stop mocking me with your eyes Justin Bieber!