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Fucking Fevers

I thought The Munch was looking a little pale today at baby gymnastics, but I figured she was just nervous about the summersault she was about to perform. Things get pretty competitive at baby gymnastics, so I did what any good mother would do. I told her to toughen up, drop and give me 20, then do the best damn roll like her life depended on it and put those other losers to shame.

After we got home I realized that she had a fucking fever.

So I did all the hippy tree-humping stuff you are supposed to do. I gave her Belladona, bathed her in apple cider vinegar and water, howled to the full wolf moon in cancer, and pressed my 3rd eye against hers… but strangely enough she still felt like crap.

It is so sad when The Munch is miserable with a fever. She just kind of moans, hugs me, won’t let me put her down, and talks wistfully about socks. It seems so cruel that such little beings have to suffer so. But I was told that babies often have fevers when they are going through some major developmental shift. It is like the burning off the old and the shedding of past intelligence to make way for a new paradigm-shift of cognizance.

Last time she had a fever she started walking, then she later got one and starting saying a lot more words. Hopefully after this one she will discover a method for infinite renewable free energy for the entire world.

“Mom… I don’t want anymore dragon fly legs mixed with sea urchin smiles. Don’t you have any Tylenol?”