Sometimes I look at my child and think, “man, I wish you didn’t talk.” When The Munch started speaking, her desire for autonomy, constant nagging, and compulsion to express her preferences became a major hindrance. I missed the days when she was a baby, and basically at the mercy of my demand. No need for negotiation, or convincing her that wearing socks was a good idea. Beyond the occasional cry of dissent, we did what I wanted, she wore what I wanted her to, we left when I thought it was a good idea – and that was that.
Of course my reaction when Munch first started talking was, “wow, this is amazing, now I get to know what she has been thinking about all this time.” But that soon turned to, “holy crap I really don’t care if you don’t want to wash your face full of yogurt, because that is totally happening right now before you jump on the couch and smoosh your mouth against the pillows.” The more she talked, the more The Munch wanted to be in control of her destiny, which just isn’t a good idea when you are dealing with a semi-psychotic creature. The tragic irony of a talking toddler is they have the power to express their ideas, but lack rationality and common decency.
Last winter, when The Munch was 2, she refused to wear winter clothes and would violently protest my attempts to get her in weather appropriate gear. And if you know anything about growing up in New England, you know that getting used to fleece, wool, Gortex, and excessive layering is a pivotal part of survival. But The Munch was having none of it. No hats, mittens, wool sweaters, snow-pants, jackets… none of it. Eventually I would give up, let her go outside in a sweatshirt, and she would get freezing cold and have to come back inside. I think we had a stint where she didn’t even go outside for 7-weeks. It was not okay! That is not healthy! What kind of New Hampshire girl is The Munch if she can’t get down with the cold weather?
But…. now that The Munch is in school, and is part of the pack mentality of being part of group, she has been totally brainwashed!! I couldn’t be happier. At her Waldorf school they keep them outside all day like they are in training for the Navy Seals, so The Munch has become accustomed to dressing like a Sherpa. So this weekend, for the first time since she was a baby and I would throw her in the snow to take pictures, we spent all day in a winter wonderland! We built a snow-slide, snowman, snow-fort, went sledding, and made snow angels! I haven’t played in the snow like that since I was a kid, and I am so glad that The Munch finally fucking understands the beauty of wearing winter clothes.
Here is The Munch eating the snowman’s nose!!!