Do You Need A Baby To Feel Complete?
Not every human feels the urge to procreate. To some, the thought of taking care of a baby is as appealing as styling your pubic hair in cornrows. Others feel ambivalent about the whole baby thing. Like they think they are supposed to want one, so they go through the motions, but there isn’t this burning yearning to make it happen. For women, where so much of the female identity is tied to motherhood, this can be stressful question because there is only so much time to ask it.
A lot of my friends don’t have kids, and a decent portion of them aren’t interested in it. I had a friend visit recently and we got into a conversation about this that I found fascinating. She feels really content in her life and enjoys her independence, but was wondering what I thought about her not caring about having kids. Like if I felt she was missing out on some major life experience.
I was told that I was never going to be able to get pregnant, so even though I don’t believe in absolutes, another part of me had to come to terms with the possibility. I figured if that were the case I could truly commit to a spiritual, creative, or intellectual path that could be just as fulfilling. That having children isn’t just about duplicating your DNA, but connecting to this mystical force that has the potential to open your heart to the universal and unconditional love that is Godliness. Birthing a baby could project you towards the inners of stars, but so could your own commitment to that intention. Not everyone who has a child experiences it as this cosmic force, and not everyone who doesn’t pursues understanding the dynamisms of the universe.
So in terms of attaining personal and emotional fulfillment, having a baby is not a guarantee that it will happen, and not having baby doesn’t either. It isn’t about the choice you make, but the passageway you take.
But at the same time, if you have a baby, and you are a mother, that being will forever be on your mind and in your heart. This is a literal statement as well as figurative. When I a woman is pregnant, the fetal cells of the baby live in her for the next 40-60 years. You and your baby are actually connected for the rest of your life. The upside of this is that the love you feel for your child is completely unique and unlike any other. The downside of this is there is not freedom from this. It is almost oppressive how much you love and think about them, because you will never be your own priority ever again. You child will always be with you, and inside you.