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Do You Like Kissing for Kissing’s Sake?

Have you ever wondered why we lick each other’s tongues? Kissing is one of those rituals that seems normal, but when you think about it for too long it is actually strange as fuck. What possess us to open our mouths at each other, and then mush them together? It is not like horses kiss… or lizards? Why do us humans have the desire to smack our lips together in a somewhat rhythmic fashion?

There are a couple of theories. One is that just like birds or monkeys, humans used to “mouthfeed” their young. Meaning prehistoric Mammas would chew up their tiger meat, and then spit it into their baby’s faces for nourishment. I feel like I missed out on some pretty cool opportunities to get my kid to eat steamed Kale by not doing this. Just saying. So there was this pre-existing practice of mouths swapping contents, but instead of food adults would exchange salvia. YUM!

Yet the reason why tasting another person’s slobber is relevant, is because there is a lot of biological information about a person’s health inside their drool. So licking up spittle is a way of mate selection… the better the taste and the better the kissers, the better the reproducers. So that is why some people taste like rat skin! Thanks nature!

Even though we all enjoy kissing, I do think that the genders have different relationships it. Often times, chicks like to kiss for kissing’s sake. That is why drunk girls will get all sloppy and kiss each other. Don’t freak out…. I am not hating on inebriated same sex making out. I have done it. But it wasn’t because I wanted to feel my friend’s boobs or anything – I just wanted to experience the sensation of the kiss. A girl can be totally satisfied by a kiss, and in many cases that is all she wants.

Just because a girl kisses you doesn’t mean she wants to fuck you, but I would bet 99 times out of 99 times when a guy kisses you, he is basically saying “lets do this with our crotches too okay?” Dudes mostly regard kissing as a precursor to sex. I bet a tongue going into a mouth just reminds them of other pointy things they have that likes going into stuff. When you kiss guy, they get a boner, and then they are like “hey, this wont’ go away until I put it inside of something warm. So you have any holes you want filled or what?”

It is not that ladies owe a guy sex just because she kisses him, but chances are that he is going to bring it up – since it is up anyway. So for the girls who want to make out but not bang, they then have to say, “maybe you need to put that into a cup of custard instead of me because I just was just looking for a kiss.” But it is kind of awkward to reject a guy after you kissed him because he gets this sad disappointed look on his face, like you just kicked a kitten in the twatt.

Sooooo I have an amazing idea to solve this problem. You know how dudes drug girls with roofies? Chicks should drug guys with anti-boner pills before kissing. They could just slip it in their Miller Light, make out as much as they want, but not have to deal with him trying to poke her with his penis. Everybody wins!

(Here is Miley Cyrus kissing some pretty weird shit – you’re welcome)

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