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Dinner Party Don’ts

Entering a dinner party scenario makes me feel socially awkward. It is not the same as a full on party where there is enough people, booze, and dry humping for you to just blend into the Bacchanalian pleasures. A dinner party is more civilized, more intimate, more pressure because your personality is on display and not just your physical assets. People expect to get to know you, especially if you are sitting next to them hogging all the bread.

Going to a dinner party the other night made me realize that I have not been in a lot of social settings with members of the opposite sex recently. I am the type of girl that spends the majority of my communal time with girl friends. We do chick stuff like eat placenta soup, talk about mermaids, make menses moon calendars and armpit hair dolls…. I am accustomed to being surrounded by silver dusted feminine beams of maternal maidens.

Point is that I normally don’t have to consider the potential humiliation of The Munch wanting to nurse in public, because it doesn’t matter in front of my fellow tribal sisters. But when your kid is beating their face against your boobs while grabbing your shirt to almost fully expose your tits when you are in a coed situation, it can lead to you sort of wanting to saw your own head off. I have come to conclusion that maybe sticking with chicks might make my life easier until I don’t have a fervent beast feeding off of me.

“Gosh Mom… you are such a square!”