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Damned If You Do, Damned if You Don’t

In most of my relationships I try to establish really low expectations of me.  Not to be a jerk, but when someone has an expectation of you, they get really let down when you don’t come through.  So as a way of keeping peace in my life, I make an effort to make sure you don’t think I make too many efforts.

With The Munch however, I have created a really high standard of what she has come to expect from me.  I am usually never away from her for more than 3 hours, and although I feel grateful to be able to spend so much time with her, when I am gone for longer it disturbs the fabric of her soul.

Today I went to Vermont for 8 hours to rehearse a dance I am working on,  and then take two amazing dance classes.  Extreme? Yes.  But it is a far drive, there is no where near me that offers classes, child care worked out that way, and most importantly I lost 3 pounds of water retention from sweating- so I am going to take some Facebook pics.

But when trying to put Munch to bed after a day of indulging my needs, what is usually a very easy process turned into the most dramatic crying fest.  She was like a drunk college girl who just broke up with her boyfriend, found out her parents are cutting her off, and realized she has class everyday at 9:00am next semester.  I tried for an hour to leave her peacefully, but finally gave up and had to leave her sobbing.  There is no worse noise in the cosmos then hearing The Munch crying for me.  Wait… just kidding…. the sound of laughter.

It is so hard because if I don’t do the things I am passionate about to stay with her all the time I will lose my mind, but if I prioritize myself and have day doing only what I want to do I lose my heart.