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Environmental Impact

  • Swimming In Bacteria Like a Boss

    Okay. So I totally fucked up. But it’s not totally my fault. It is also nature’s fault… and global warming… and all the politicians/corporations/bankers who are ass fucking the planet. But I guess it is also my fault too.

    This is what happened. I live on a lake. It is a beautiful clean mountain lake. I have always thought it was a magical, healing, energetically pure body of water. It never occurred to me to doubt its virtue. The other day my baby sitter, Lilliana, brought The Munch to the beach to go swimming and was told not to go in because of bacteria contaminating the water. When Lilliana texted me this information I was like, “what the holy dick hole. I don’t believe this shit. I have never heard of this in my life. NEVER in 30 years on this lake have I been told not to swim because of bacteria! That is some serious yuppie bullshit!!”

    I just didn’t believe the hype, and quite arrogantly considering I did ZERO research on the subject. Had I just taken… oh… I don’t know… 3 minutes on the Internet all my questions would have been solved. But NO! I was NOT going to be told that I couldn’t swim in the damn lake I have been swimming in my whole damn life.

    Okay so this is where shit got bad. Later that afternoon when I went to pick up Munch she mentioned our plan to go swimming that we had made earlier that morning before this whole debacle.

    Toni: Do you think we should care about the bacteria in the water?
    Munch: Nope.
    Toni: Cool. I am going to trust you because you have the wisdom of a 4-year old. Forget the fact that I am an adult who can and should research potentially dangerous situations. Lets do this because you, my child, say its cool.

    And we drove straight to the bacteria filled beach.

    Okay, so here is a little context. For one… august has been cold as fuck. New England weather already sucks, and our summer has been uncharacteristically short. It didn’t get warm enough to swim until July, and then we had a serious cold rainy front for most of August. Essentially we got dicked out of summer and our only swimming time. After days and days of crappy weather, it was finally a nice day to swim. To not go because of some cryptic threat seemed ludicrous.

    Then next influence is my overall denial of drastic changes in the environment. I know they exist – but I don’t want to actually believe it. I see all those kids wearing sun shirts to protect their skin from the hole in the ozone, but I keep going back to the fact that I never wore sunscreen when I was a child… so what is the big deal? It is this stubborn renouncing of obvious truths because to admit reality is too painful. Yeah maybe when I was a kid the lake wasn’t contaminated, but that doesn’t mean it isn’t now.
    Here is another element of the equation that maybe is less nature’s problem and more mine. I felt SUPER guilty about how much I have been working all summer, and wasn’t feeling like I spent enough time doing stuff outside with Munch. The fact that the season was almost over, made me feel like I didn’t appreciate it. The months went by so fast, and I spent an ample of amount of time inside working trying to make something out of my life. It was this crippling realization that my relentless ambition kept me from enjoying the fleeting warm months with my child.

    The last contributing factor to this scene is the “Holly” in me. You see, my mom –Holly- has a very particular approach to life. She is they type of woman who has mustard from the 80’s that she will put in your sandwich – ignoring the fact it expired 15 years ago – and rationalize eating it because fermentation or whatever. She has fed me rice with maggots unknowingly cooked in, because hey protein. She doesn’t measure when she cooks because measuring is for pussies. She let me ride in the back of a pick up truck because you know, safety is for weak. My mom just doesn’t give a fuck. She operates on her own frequency, and her attitude has obviously impacted my psychology.

    So being told I couldn’t swim because of some stupid bacteria seemed absurd! Forget the fact that NO ONE was at the lake. Never mind the water was eerily still and I could see the algae floating on the surface. Munch and I went anyway, had a wonderful swim, and watched the sunset.


    The next morning The Munch felt a little off. Her throat hurt, her tummy was cramping, but she seemed to pull through after breakfast so I totally forgot about it.

    Later that afternoon we again went to the beach. I assumed whatever silly little water thing HAD to be cleared up by now because it was all so ridiculous any way. Buuuuuut…. yet again it was closed. Yet this time though, there was a GIANT sign explaining what was going on with the water. So yeah…. I spend a moment looking it up, and it turns any contact with this bacteria can make you sick as fuck – including skin rashes, fever, sore throats, and stomach problems.

    Ummmm whoops.

    After I read that, I couldn’t help but feel sick myself. I couldn’t tell if it was in my paranoid head, or it was because I HAD BEEN SWIMMING IN BACTERIA FILLED WATER LIKE AN OVERCONFIDENT FOOL!

    So my guilt about not playing outside enough with my kid quickly transformed into guilt about maybe poisoning her with bacteria infested water. Luckily, she seems fine and never got to the explosive diarrhea or anal leakage stage… thank god Munch has been eating over at mom’s house having old mustard sandwiches with maggot filled rice to build her immune system.


  • A Moral Crisis At The Zoo

    I have purposefully avoided taking my child to the Zoo. Even though I can acknowledge that the agenda of zoos is most likely conservation and cultivating an appreciation for wildlife – I still can’t help but feel that the animals are imprisoned in a purgatory of unimaginable mental desolation. They are trapped in small confined “natural” habitats where humans gawk at them by the thousands, energetically raping them with their expectant eyes. Even the thought of the zoo overwhelms me with grief – the bleak reality that we have destroyed these creature’s territories, and now keep them in jail for our own amusement.

    So when The Munch expressed interest in wanting to go the zoo, I debated telling her all that… and of course adding in a manifesto about poachers and the ever shrinking rainforest – but she just kept insisting that seeing a zebra would be cool. Besides, it seemed like a pretty dark conversation to have with your 3 year old on a a Sunday afternoon.

    My parents had already brought Munch a few days before, and she wanted to go back with all of us to show me the animals. So my mom, dad, Munch and I all went to the zoo, as I grappled with twisting sentiments of not wanting to support this torturous eco system, but also acknowledging that from Munch’s perspective it was pretty amazing to see a panda bear.

    My dad and I are both people who can never enjoy a moment because we are too busy over analyzing and judging. While Munch and my mom could appreciate the experience for what it was, my dad and I kept whispering to each other about the moral conflict. We would then look at people with disapproving eyes and flinch with disgust at those ignorant enough to pound on the glass in hopes for some attention from the unsuspecting spectacle inside. The sad being wondering why every one was looking at them while they were trying to snack on bamboo and scratch their ass. The only solace I had was when my dad reminded me that the trainers probably really loved these animals, and that they all looked like “nice women in khaki shorts.”

    Yet here is the problem with witnessing a wild animal in a contained environment – it takes all the magic out. If I saw a Bengal Tiger out in nature I would shit a golden egg, but at a zoo you are like “yeah, that Komodo dragon is pretty neat, now lets go check out the gorillas.” It is so easy to flip through these beings like old magazines at the dentist. They are too accessible because they are enclosed. You didn’t have to put in any effort to find them, expect for maybe walking through a crowd of people.


  • Corporations Have Brainwashed My Child!

    How committed are you to your politics?  Do you feel like your actions betray your beliefs?  To what extent are you able to actualize your morals when it comes to the value system you espouse?  Am I getting too nosey?  Sorry, I have allergies.

    Before having a kid, I felt like I was pretty committed to my world philosophy.  The basic assumption I operated by was that corporations rule the planet, and our political system is simply a distraction for the bankers / business executives to pillage all earthly resources for their profit – facilitated by politicians allowing themselves to be bought by the capitalism system that drives humanity.  Considering this, I tried to avoid economically participating in this structure.  I refused to buy anything from a major corporation (or subsidiary), lived on a bus that ran on veggie oil to circumvent contributing to the oil economy, and I smoked a lot of pot.

    When I had The Munch, I had a lot of grand ideas of how I would raise her.  My aim was to be The Mother Gaia incarnate, and adorn her with nothing but organic fibers and pukka shells.  When people would gaze upon her they would say, “wow, your child’s flaxseed dress is a beacon of hope – she is obviously fair trade.”  Then I would smile smugly because I would know that I wasn’t only part of the solution, I WAS the solution.

    Yet now that The Munch talks and feels the need to share her opinions, everything has gone to shit.  I have become a total hypocrite… and it all started with Hello Kitty.  I wish I had a legitimate excuse, but the truth is, I guess I just gave up.

    This is how it all started.  There are a lot of things I insist on as a parent.  For one, I have never given The Munch GMO’s.  We live on a farm, she only eats organic, and she HAS to consume at least 2 leafs of kale before she has cookies.  When it comes to food / diet, things have gone as planned. It is not always easy, but we have an understanding.  Yet what hasn’t gone as I anticipated TV / Youtube.

    My initial intention was that I wouldn’t let my child watch anything until she was at least east 6.  Yet when the Munch turned two, I was like “Huh…. You are really annoying sometimes.”  So she started watching stuff when she was sick, or on long car rides.  The more she was exposed to, the more the marketing starting to seep into her psyche just as Bernays (the father of PR / propaganda) wanted.  Her impressionable mind was being taken over by Disney Princesses, Carebears, and Hello fucking Kitty.

    In conjunction with her interests in corporate media, The Munch also has an adamant and controlling nature about her clothes.  Now of course I could force the taupe colored natural fiber cloak on her, but she is old enough to take things off she doesn’t want to wear, as well as exasperating enough to drive me batshit insane.  I cannot tell you how many fights we got into about what outfit she would wear.

    The solution I came up with to avoid this daily drama… Get her Hello stupid Kitty clothes that are made in a sweatshop with pesticide ridden cotton.  I am so ashamed.

    I know I could say to myself, “Hey Toni, you are doing the best you can. You drive a hybrid and care about recycling.”  But I know the truth.  I am a total fraud because it was easy.  Buying everything Hello Kitty was the simplest way to get my kid to wear a raincoat, or change her socks.  I suck.

    So here is my plea to the world.  Hey organic companies – can you stop making all your clothes fucking ecru?  Would it kill you to use pink, or stick a god damn cute animal on your T-shirts?  While you are at it, can you make a cartoon as well? One where the voices are SUPER irritating to further force your brand into her consciousness.  THANKS!

    (Notice the Disney Princess Bandaids stuck on the door)



    May 14, 2014 • 3 years old, Behavior, Environmental Impact, Family Drama, Parenting • Views: 1200

  • What is Trash?

    Kids ask a lot of hard questions – like how do babies get inside mommy’s tummy, or why do you get to eat cookies for dinner and I don’t?  I have had my fair share of tough conversations with The Munch, but I usually feel somewhat confident with the answer I am giving her.  I may not know everything, but I also know I am always right.

    Then it happened.  My 3-year-old child asked me a question I had no idea how to answer.

    The Munch was helping me clean up the kitchen, and grabbed an empty container of raspberries to throw out.  This may sound extreme, but in my kitchen I have 5 “waste” baskets.  One for glass, plastic, tinfoil/cans, paper, and trash.  They are usually in the same order, but for some reason they got switched around and The Munch almost put the plastic raspberry container in the trash.

    Toni: Oh wait sweetie… that is the trash.  Put that in the one to the left – the plastic bin.

    Munch:  Mom, what’s trash?

    Toni: What do you mean?

    Munch: Like what is trash? What goes in here? The trash one?

    I had NO EFFING CLUE how to answer that question. What the hell is trash?  Shouldn’t we be able to recycle everything?  All discarded food we either compost, or feed to the chickens.  (Unless it is leftover chicken, in which case I give it to my dog to avoid unintentional cannibalism).  What other materials are there besides plastic, aluminum, glass, and paper? I guess there is plutonium, or nuclear waste – but I didn’t have any of those in my trash, so why the fuck was it full?

    Toni: Uhhhhhh trash is stuff you can’t recycle.

    Munch: I don’t understand.  What can’t you recycle?

    Toni: I don’t know. Ummmm.  You know that fuzzy stuff that is in the dryer filter when we do laundry? That weird purpley-grey woolly material I have to peel off that screen? I am pretty sure you can’t recycle that.

    Munch: But that is not the only thing that is in the trash? What else is in there?

    Toni: I guess the stuff you are supposed to be able to recycle but can’t.

    Munch: I don’t get it.

    Toni: Neither do I.




    May 12, 2014 • 3 years old, Environmental Impact, Musings, Talking and Not Talking • Views: 1563

  • Raising a Revolutionary

    I recently launched a podcast called “The Overshare Show.” As you may have noticed, I tend to overshare my shit. Not literally.  I keep my feces to myself – I am not a chimpanzee. I mean I share the thoughts that go on in my skull.

    I recently released a podcast with Billy “Upski” Wimsatt, who is a long-time organizer and writer. (Every time I say the phrase “long-time” I think of the song “me so horney,” so that just happened.)

    Billy wrote a book called “No More Prisons” which I read when I was 20 and it changed my life – not in a cliched way. His book actually changed the way I think about the world.

    Before reading Billy’s book, I didn’t ask a lot of questions and more often than not, believed what adults told me to believe. Not much critical thinking. It never occurred to me that history was slanted or the news was corrupt. It feels so crazy and naïve to admit that now. If I could travel back in time, I would shake myself like a British nanny.

    For the past 14 years of my life, I have questioned information nearly to the point of insanity. I sometimes wish I could have a more trusting relationship to the systems that govern us. That would be a way more peaceful existence than the inner turmoil which currently plagues me.

    I interviewed Billy because he is a new dad and I was curious to explore the idea of parenting as a form of activism.  Since becoming a mother, I often fall short when it comes to educating myself about what’s going on in the world both because shit is so goddamn depressing and the concept of free time is a distant memory. I don’t mean my time on earth, well I do, but I really mean the actual time I have to do activist work.

    That is obviously an excuse. I could make time to volunteer. Considering that all the Arctic ice will be gone in the NEXT TWO FUCKING YEARS, maybe I should go up there RIGHT FUCKING NOW with ice trays. We are at a moment in human evolution where we are standing on the edge, not of glory but doom.

    If the next generation does survive despite the environmental annihilation, the methods with which  future generations are raised will have to be exponentially more intentional. Am I being dramatic for thinking that? Do I get an Oscar if I am?

    One of our primary responsibilities as parents is being conscious of the values we share with our children. Everyone has different priorities, but raising The Munch to have a revolutionary spirit is on the top of my list. Not necessarily so she takes up arms for combat, but so she doesn’t accept injustice. I hope The Munch challenges systems and infrastructure which she sees as oppressive. I pray that her moral code will be colored by love as it informs her behavior towards others and this planet we all call home. To me a revolutionary is one who demands true righteousness and equality. Not in a hokey, hippie way while wearing hemp necklaces and taking bong hits. In a way that is more evolved than I have ever been.

    Check out the podcast HERE!  http://overshareshow.com/episode/raising-a-revolutionary.html



  • Don’t Worry Sweetie, The World is Just Controlled By Hominids

    Do you ever have those moments where you look around at how the fucked up the world is and think to yourself “what the fuck?” All the war, violence, and environmental destruction seems literally insane right? This has to be the work of a crazy person because it makes no goddamn sense.

    Sometimes people rationalize the chaos of existence as “human nature.”  Oh its human nature that we murder people and justify it as political diplomacy. Yeah it is just totally human nature that millions have died because of what God they do or don’t believe in. Psssh please, it is just human nature that mega corporations prioritize profit over rational thinking and have policies and products that are eroding the very planet we live on.  I am not sure about the people you know, but if an individual acted the same way as global governments, Wall Street, or institutional religious fundamentalists, I would be like “dude, you are pretty fucked up and need some serious help.”

    I find myself thinking, “who does that?” much more than I think, “I totally relate to bombing someone’s children, and then making money by selling the parents of those executed kids weapons to go kill someone else’s children.”

    But now I know why!!! Because according to Former World Bank senior council Karen Hudes, a second species on earth controls money and religion.

    Now Karen Hudes is not your average wacko conspiracy theorist.  She is actually a whistle-blower on corruption she witnessed within The World Bank after her 12 years of working for them.  Hudes seems to have genuine credibility and experience.  She also is known to have exposed the ideas that the world is in the midst of a currency war, and how the US Federal Reserve keeps printing money, which if they continue at this pace, is threatened to soon have virtually no value.

    According to Hudes,

    “These countries are not monolithic, there are forces fighting the corruption and there are forces that have totally been co-opted, and the way they act is treasonous to the people in those countries. The group that’s behind the network of control are the Jesuits, and there are also some groups behind them. One of these groups are hominids, they’re not human beings. They are very smart, they are not creative, they are mathematical. They had a much stronger force in the earlier ice-age. They have elongated skulls, they may produce offspring in mating with female humans, but that offspring is not fertile. We live in a world of secret societies, and secrets, and the information that ought to be public is not public.”

    Ummmmm maybe! Sometimes it makes more sense to me that humanoids are destroying everything and not actual human beings! I mean David Icke also talks about how the ruling elite are lizard people. Its possible right?

    But at the same time, maybe promoting all this conspiratorial thinking is actually the real conspiracy.  What if these ideas are planted into the heads of far-leftists anarchist types so they end up thinking, “damn, I might as well give up since alien lizard cyborgs are in charge.  Has anyone seen my weed and remote control?”  Nothing is more exhausting than the idea that a different species exists and is controlling everything.  That makes me sleepy!

    I just have one question… wouldn’t we notice these hominids elongate skulls?? I am not sure I would breed with someone whose head was shaped like the predator.  Just saying.


    April 3, 2014 • Current Events, Environmental Impact, Musings, Political Banter • Views: 5988

  • What If We Are Too Stoned For Revolution?

    A 2013 Gallup poll revealed 58% of Americans are now in favor of legalizing marijuana for recreational use.  Currently, the legal cannabis market is valued at $1.53 billion in 2013, with a projected 68% increase for 2014.  Our future is definitely one where more people will be on weed.  But what does that mean, when according to many, we are also facing our own extinction?

    The benefits of having a stoner nation are that people will be much more likely to stay at home and watch documentaries on Netflix.  Although there is the danger that in the middle they will go to the kitchen, get something to eat, forget what they were watching, and pick their toenails instead.  Yet even though potheads may be forgetful, they are also introspective.   They have grand epiphanies about the ways of the world, and think intensely about existentialism.  I think everyone on pot has at one point wondered if “the red I see is the same color as what you call red… man…” I mean, come on… weed makes you deep.

    When I was smoking the most amount of pot, I was also obsessing the most about how to change the world.  I was deeply disturbed and emotionally connected to the information I sought out.  The higher I got, the more focused my research… on YouTube. Okay fine, I was a little lazy about it, but I was still committed to understanding the systems of society and questioning their validity.  It was while high I learned about the dishonsty of the government, it was while baked I discovered GMO’s and the importance of organic farming, it was while stoned that I spent hours and hours contemplating climate change.  Being a pothead also inspired me to contemplate the world around me and question everything.

    I could see a great benefit in a generation that intentionally wanted to open their minds to pontificate, ponder, and plan.  There is beauty in the potential of a citizenship that honored daydreaming and imagining how life could be better.  With advancements in technology, chances for revolution are drastically increased.  For example, Facebook and Twitter played major rolls in the blossoming of the Arab spring.  We can globally disseminate information instantaneously! The potential to share content and organize is unprecedented.  If the people wanted to take over, now is the time to obliterate the very systems that oppress us.

    But… ummm… there is just one glitch.  Stoners are not exactly the most proactive people.  It is a lot easier to be like “hey man, this shit is fucked up” then to actually get up at 7am and spend 10 hours each day trying to do something about it.  Part of me feels like the current lenience on weed in the US is not because the government is finally getting hip. Nor exclusively because they want to be part of the billion-dollar market – although I am sure that doesn’t hurt.  Our economy is dependent on drugs and war. But what if the tolerance of reefer is more about making those that are most likely to rebel against the criminal acts of those in power, complacent instead?

    If you think about the young people today, the personality type that would be most prone to notice the vast corruption of culture, are often likely to experiment with drugs.  If it is easier to get our hands on it, isn’t there a chance that those who would have been most outraged and active will end up on their couch complaining?  Although I think the Rockefeller drug laws are absurd and actively support the decriminalization of pot, I also believe that now more than ever we need to be alert and proactive.

    So here is my suggestion… lets legalize cocaine along with weed. That way people can get all stoned and contemplative, and then do a few lines to get some shit done.


    April 1, 2014 • Current Events, Environmental Impact, Musings, Political Banter • Views: 12652

  • The Classic Grocery Store Meltdown

    One of the most embarrassing things that can happen when you are a parent is your kid having a total fucking breakdown at the grocery store.  I know this because I have been witness to many a meltdowns, and totally judged the shit out of the mom or dad whose child was screaming and pounding the floor.  I was like “those parent’s suck and that kid needs to get a grip” as I perused the cereal aisle.

    Yet eventually, you are that parent.  You are the one everyone is looking at, thinking that your child is a monster.  The more I try to be calm and reasonable, the more my kid loses her mind because she can’t get what she wants.  At home this happens all the time, and I can wait out the tantrum – but in a store I have to accept the fact that my parenting is on display for everyone to criticize.

    The longer it goes on, the longer both you and your kid look like assholes.  So what do you do? Do you give in to save face? Or stick with the “no you can’t have that” rationale because you don’t want to buy your child crap just because they want it.

    Recently I experienced this humiliation for the first time, and it was all over Welch’s grape juice.  What Welch’s was doing at this organic hippy coop is beyond me, but The Munch really wanted to buy some.  Yeah, okay… you are probably thinking, “what the hell is the big deal about grape juice?” – but to me there is so much that pains me to purchase a product like that.  Yet trying to explain my logic to The Munch while she publicly wept was pretty much a lesson in futility.

    Toni: No Munch, we can’t get that kind of juice.  We can get a different kind instead.


    Toni: Dude, we really can’t.  I will buy you this grape juice instead.


    Toni: Listen, that grape juice has GMOs.  It is made with high fructose corn syrup.  I just can’t support that company.


    Toni: There is no way we are supporting that company. Listen, I will get you grape juice.  I have no problem with you drinking grape juice – just not that brand.


    Toni: Munch, it isn’t even juice.  It is like 10% juice – if that. It is grape essence flavored with chemicals and environmental suffering.


    Toni: You can’t ask me to buy this.  We can’t spend our money supporting this company.  It is giant food conglomerates like Welch’s that are annihilating the planet with their monoculture approaches to farming… and don’t even get me started on the pesticides. Don’t you care about the bees? Listen, I know you want this kind of grape juice, but Mamma will never buy it.  I am doing this for you… so our food system is not totally corrupted and there is a slight chance of human survival.  Don’t you want to have a future that isn’t a nuclear waste land ruled by robots?


    Toni: So does this one Munch.  The nice organic one that is 7 times more expensive also tastes super yummy…


  • Happy Pagan Ritual Celebrating Death!

    The history of Halloween, like all holidays, is rooted in paganism.  Its origin dates back to the Ancient Celtic festival Samhain and celebrating the end of harvest, honoring the darkness of winter, and facing the morality of not only nature – but also ourselves.

    That is some heavy shit right? Especially compared to our modern relationship to Halloween where we dress up like slutty potatoes and throw eggs at people who don’t dole out enough industrial sugar.  We decontextualize the meaning of these once sacred rituals for a variety of reason’s… religious influence, political dominance, and perhaps most importantly – our modern manufactured relationship to nature.

    Unless you are farmer, living in a geodesic dome, and only subsisting on the bounty of your hunting and gathering skills – the shift from the life of summer to the death of winter is minimal.  You may be annoyed that strawberries are more expensive, but you still can buy them after they flew 8,000 miles from New Zealand.  You may complain about the darkness for about the 0.2 seconds it takes to turn on the light.  You may quibble about the cold until you walk into any building and are instantaneously warm.  And you may have thrown up in your mouth because I just made you say the word quibble in your head.

    It is so hard for us to truly appreciate nature, because we are so removed from it.  Just by living inside with all the technology we are afforded, it is next to impossible to be cognizant of the importance of the outdoors.  When I am in my living room I am not wondering about the happenings of the woods behind my house.  I am too busy thinking of a good status update on Facebook.  Even though I live in the country, and interact with nature on a daily basis, I am still able to ignore it because of my lifestyle of living in a warm house with water and electricity.

    Where once it was part of culture to honor what Mother Earth provided for us, now we not only take it for granted, but also seemingly forget about her entirely.  So if anything, Halloween is a good night to get outside and get our pagan worshipping spirit on – while remembering that we, and the earth, are all going to die one day.


    October 31, 2013 • 3 years old, Current Events, Education, Environmental Impact, Musings • Views: 3230