I just read this article, and did you know that child slaves in Africa made your Halloween candy?

I know that for kids Halloween is fun as shit… choosing your costume, the candy, the walking around in the dark with your friends, the candy, seeing what other people are wearing, the candy, doing something out of the ordinary, the candy, haunted houses, and the candy. Can’t blame the kids… good times all around.

But hello adults!!! Can’t we provide all that same fun and not support child slavery?

Of course it is tricky, because all the eco hippy candy doesn’t come in Halloween sizes and all the packaging is about as exciting as a brown paper bag. If you were to make organic wheat free fair trade chocolate chip cookies no one would eat them because it would be assumed they were poisoned and hiding razor blades. You can’t hand out raisins because that is lame and if you only gave skittles you might as well hand out injections of high fructose corn syrup.

This s a real problem!

Maybe the solution is force kids to get imaginative with their tricks? Maybe kids have gotten lazy assuming they are going to get a treat? What if we had a year where we were like “Nope wrong. No candy. What you got kid? Lets do this!” and see what happens.

It isn’t the worst idea ever right? And besides, is a pillowcase full of candy really a good idea for any human to ingest? I mean I am not a doctor or anything, but I heard a rumor that eating excessive amounts of sugar wasn’t good for you.

In the meantime… who don’t you lazy hippies get off your quinoa coated asses and make some eco Halloween candy that was not made by child slaves?

THIS IS NOT OKAY!