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Political Banter

  • Game Of Thrones For Children

    I got into “Game of Thrones” late in the game. Every time I tried to get through the first episode, I had an anxiety attack about those wolves dying, whatever the fuck white walkers were, was winter really coming, and whether or not John Snow was ever going to love me.

    I finally got into it, but I’m stuck on Season 3 and cannot move forward. You know that part where John Snow and that red headed girl climb up that wall, and then they have that epic kiss at the top? Well, I can’t keep watching after that! That’s the only time in the entire show that I actually felt good. I need it to end there. I know that if I keep watching, he is going to die, she is going to die, or they both are going to get raped and stabbed in the anus. My heart can’t take it!

    But I get the obsession. It is complicated, rich, imaginative, has major sociopolitical and anthropological messages that need to be decoded. Each group is a metaphor for current political factions from the global elite, to the semi hopeless environmentalists trying to protect us all from ourselves. The many characters are full of complexity as we see how the impact of power bleeds in and out of their existence. It’s how they handle these morphing moments that define them.

    “Game of Thrones” is the modern myth that defines our culture. It’s an examination of government and the people’s unquestioning devotion to a system that ultimately views them as disposable. These are the lessons of this generation, but I can’t exactly show it to The Munch and have a Meta conversation about its implications. I mean, call me old-fashioned, but I am pretty sure you aren’t supposed to let 5-year olds watch the maniacal torture of someone being pulled apart.

    But it turns out The Munch has her own “Game of Thrones,” and it is called “My Little Pony.” If you don’t believe me, then check out this Wiki page and try to understand even a portion of how the 100 characters relate to each other. Watch an episode, and if you can decode the degrees of community ranking, you are a fucking genius.

    The Munch tries to explain to me the relationship between “Equestria” and the “cutie mark crusaders,” but the intricacies of these nuances are simply over my head. Their ultimate quest for the most important element of all, harmony, is a harrowing journey full of magic, wonder, and mystery. The many tribulations that hold these ponies back from their heroic goal will make your head spin from the density of the narrative.

    Munch is not fucking around when it comes to her ponies. She knows more about the world of “Ponyville” than I do about the news of this country. If I try to shut one of these shows off in the middle, and don’t let her finish the episode, it is as if I have cut off the limb of a baby deer and ate its raw flesh off the bone. The Munch’s horror and rage is so profound, that I am genuinely afraid of her.

    The Munch takes these stories more seriously than the story of the life she is actually living.

    Here she has set up her “My Little Pony” figures to watch “My Little Pony”

    my little pony watchers

    September 23, 2015 • 5 years old, Current Events, Musings, Political Banter • Views: 218

  • Who Puts the “Just” in our Justice System?

    Say you are driving in your car, listening to music, eating a sandwich, talking to yourself about how you’re never going to amount to anything of significance and will probably wallow in a pit of mediocrity for the rest of your existence… whatever. Point is that you are doing nothing wrong, but suddenly a cop pulls out behind you. Now every time you look in your rearview mirror you see those lights perched on top of the vehicle like crocodile eyes. Do you feel safe? Protected by its presence? Or do you feel fucking terrified and wonder if you are going to get pulled over?

    It doesn’t matter what I am doing in life, if I see a policeman, my first instinct is to tense up. I’m scared of their power – of their ability to take me away at any moment. This fear is not because I think every cop is evil or corrupt, but it’s the system itself I don’t trust.

    The concept of a police force, and of a court of law, came from an effort to relieve ourselves from the personal accountability of maintaining justice. There was a time in human history when there was no organized method. We took justice into our own hands. If you killed my brother, I killed your son. Then your nephew would kill my daughter, and my cousin would kill your favorite cousin. That was how we righted wrongs. We just retaliated as vigilantes of our families.

    The famous Greek Trilogy, The Oresteia, written by Aeschylus, is tragedy about the house of Atreus, where the son Orestes sets out to avenge his father’s murder. Basically it is a story of two families who keep killing each other through generations of vengeance. A cycle of killing is formed because each murder is justified by the murder before. The story ends with the installing of the justice system in order to create a structure that rights wrongs, rather than leaving it in the hands of the people.

    For modern people, instead of having the social or personal expectation to vindicate your slaughtered loved one – an outside system would serve as that role.

    So for the last 2,500+ years, Western culture has surrendered the idea that we are individually responsible for revenge. If you killed my brother I would be SUPER sad, but I wouldn’t hunt you down and then stab you in the heart while I stared into your eyes as your last breath gurgled out of your disintegrating body then licked your tears of blood. I would instead hope the police found you, you went to trial, and 12 of my peers would convict you.

    This system has allowed us to have a much different relationship to our humanity. The pressure isn’t on me, and I don’t have to be hardened by having to slaughter anyone. I can stay protected from having to enact violence by trusting in this organization that was ideally designed to represent justice for all.

    Even thought the Ancient Greeks spent a little too much time dry humping little boys, they are the fathers of modern democracy and our political configuration. The fact that we are currently in a state where we feel such little trust for these systems is relevant.

    When I hear solutions like “the police should all have cameras on their uniforms” my first reaction isn’t a sigh of relief, but rather wondering how easily that footage could be manipulated. Or how in poorer districts the equipment would be too faulty because of lack of funding. All I can think of is how if we have the illusion of accountability, we ourselves will be less accountable. The fact that citizens make the risky effort to film police wrongdoings with their camera phones is probably one of the most profound advantages of technology in the last 50 years – that and the ability to share this content on the Internet.

    There are still many examples where cops can murder an unarmed black man in broad daylight, and, if someone films it, they still get acquitted. However, the national anger and commitment to be heard is having an impact. The more we keep filming, keep talking, keep incessantly sharing, keep organizing dissent, there will be more instances of culpability. Where justice is actually served.

    We are kind of back where we started in the times of the Oresteia. For so long we felt unburdened to maintain justice, yet here we are, again we are responsible. Yet the difference is that the strategy has evolved. The answer isn’t as simplistic as kill me and I’ll kill you back, but rather acknowledging that we as a collective have to uphold the systems that we have put in place.

    A protester throws a tear gas canister back toward riot police after a 10 p.m. curfew went into effect in the wake of Monday's riots following the funeral for Freddie Gray, Tuesday, April 28, 2015, in Baltimore. (AP Photo/David Goldman)

    A protester throws a tear gas canister back toward riot police after a 10 p.m. curfew went into effect in the wake of Monday’s riots following the funeral for Freddie Gray, Tuesday, April 28, 2015, in Baltimore. (AP Photo/David Goldman)

    May 4, 2015 • Current Events, Musings, Political Banter • Views: 309

  • Please Don’t Force Feed Me Up My Ass

    When I read the recent report on the CIA’s detention and interrogation strategies at Guantanamo Bay, I couldn’t believe our barbaric treatment of these people. Considering how often we go to war with nations because of “human rights violations,” the hypocrisy is sickenly thick and palpable. I am not sure how this can be expalained beyond blatant racism. We never treated Aryan Nation Nazi’s like we do Middle Eastern supposed “terrorists” – many of whom have never been proven guilty. Call me old fashioned, but torturing a citizen of the earth who might maybe be sorta kinda guilty is down right criminal.

    Am I missing something, or is the CIA unnervingly kinky. The whole report seriously reads like a really, really sinister “50 Shades of Grey.” Kind of like how I imagine the hard-core porno version “50 Shades of Grey Up Your Butt.”

    Of all the torture strategies articulated in the report, one of the more horrifying “techniques” was how the CIA force-fed a detainee up his ass. Although the “rectally infused” visual is incredibly disturbing, I also found the menu a particularly strange assssspect– a puree of hummus, pasta sauce, nuts, and raisins.

    Rectal infusion- a lovely infusion choice, indeed. Was there a garnish as well? What about truffle oil, or a dash of coriander? Why the raisins? Were they added to balance the acidity of the tomato sauce? What a charming idea to use sun kissed grapes to provide an alkalized concoction, so as not to create disparity in the colon.

    I would like to have been a fly on the wall in the room when the decision was made to put a man in a “forward faced position with head lower than torso” to insert pulverized cuisine in his anus. How did they decide who prepared the pounded sustenance and who administered the “meal.” Once the plan was established, did everyone circle up, put their hands in the middle, pump once, and say “GO TEAM!” ??

    Beyond the categorical cruelty of this, given that torture has not been proven to be an adequate or even effective method to extract information makes this a truly INSANE action. It’s been documented that people put in such horrendous situations often tell their tormentors what they want to hear, as opposed to the truth. I can’t imagine why — except maybe so THEY WILL STOP GETTING FUCKING TORTURED. But I am not a psychologist or anything so what do I know?

    According this most recent report, the CIA frequently tortured its prisoners before even attempting a civil interrogation. That would be like if I came up to you while you were eating a sandwich, knocked you over so you smacked your head on the ground, pinned your chest so you couldn’t breathe, and starting pissing in your eye while demanding a bite. Wouldn’t you be like “uhhhhh… you could have just asked?”

    Considering we spend upwards of one trillion dollars a year on “national security,” I am pretty fucking confused as to why we are using these archaic strategies to obtain information. If you want to have nightmares for the next month, check out some of the DARPA’s projects (The Defense Advanced Research Projects Agency). The military is coming up with some seriously advanced shit to spy on, kill, and control people. In addition to the many robots DARPA has created to mimic human walking, throw cinder blocks, run on four legs at cheetah speed, climb trees, grasp objects, kill targets…. DARPA has also announced projects that include mapping the human brain, trying to create a physical thinking brain for robots, computers that can think for themselves, tracking rat brains over the Internet, real-life Avatar projects, autonomous robots, electronic tattoos and pills swallowed to authenticate online access instead of passwords, mapping the neuroscience of the “fight or flight response,” mind controlling squids…. and much much more.

    Then of course there is the nano technology spy drone that is the size of a fucking mosquito. Isn’t that surveillance enough to get the information you are looking for? Is torturing humans really superior to chemtrails that control our minds? Where is all this money going if not to KNOW EVERYTHING ABOUT EVERYTHING?

    Come on CIA. With a trillion dollars to find whatever shit you are looking for – I believe you can do better than a derrière soufflé


    December 10, 2014 • Current Events, Musings, Political Banter • Views: 955

  • Sassy is The new Classy – Thanks Sasha and Malia!

    Although social media is cool because we get to look at pictures of our ex-lover’s new lover, it is also a platform for straight up antagonistic bullshit. Elizabeth Lauten went on a Facebook rant about how she didn’t like the faces Sasha and Malia Obama made during the press conference while their dad pardoned a turkey for Thanksgiving. Ironically she was the Communications Director for GOP Representative Stephen Fincher from Tennessee before resigning today. She also said the girls should get a little “class,” not dress like they are “at a bar” and “act like the white house matters to you.” Ummmmm Elizabeth you may want to reconsider your approach to communications; attacking children doesn’t exactly make me think you have a ton of class.

    Of course it takes a village to raise a child and theoretically you want other adults to take an interest in your kid’s behavior. If my child was acting like a dick at your house, I’d appreciate you addressing her actions. Yet I hope you would be kind and empathetic in the process. I would be less pleased if you said to my kid, “shut up you little asshole.”

    Elizabeth Lauten not only insulted the Obama girls, but used them as a vehicle to demean their dad.The crux of her point was less about eye-rolling and pouty looks, and more about how they are representatives of the people who raised them.

    “Then again, your mother and father don’t respect their positions very much, or the nation for that matter,” Elizabeth added. “So I’m guessing you’re coming up a little short in the ‘good role model’ department.”

    Politically, I am not an Obama supporter. Anyone who becomes president of this country is a highly compromised individual with too many people to appease (and by “people” I mean the ruling elite who control all banking/industry/corporations– and who may or may not be the decedents of lizards). My interest in this saga is less about “how dare you Republican Elizabeth attack the blameless Democrat president,” because that is par for the course. Yet what I do have a problem with is her blatant attempt to devalue Obama by insulting his children.

    We know Elizabeth is familiar with the teenage experience. After all, she herself was arrested for shoplifting during those prime years. Surely she remembers the complexity of those tempestuous years. Rather she decided that insulting Malia and Sasha Obama was the perfect chance to attack the President. Generally, our society operations from the understanding that children are the psychological property of their parents. To make the leap that some sassy stares means Obama is a horrible father, and therefor president, was a jump that made sense to Elizabeth.

    The cultural implication of viewing children as extensions of their parents is that a kid’s successes/failures are not theirs alone, but also that of their mom and dad. We can’t truly know the precise nature vs nurture ratios, so we tend to cherry pick the traits we want to believe are our flawless parenting techniques or supreme genes. How much of my kid is her personality and how much of her is my amazing mom style? This is not an equation we can quantify.

    It is pretty common for parents to take credit for all the parts of their children that they like. “My little Timmy is such a good dancer. He gets that from MY side of the family because I learned the fox trot.” Or “Little Susie is so clever. I think she gets it from me because I once figured out how to untangle my headphones in under 7 minutes.”

    We love to attribute ourselves for the ways our kids are remarkable. Yet when our kids suck, that is usually because that is “just they way they are.” We rarely hear parents say “Oh well, Jimmy has major control issues and hits other kids because we have no boundaries in our house. I also often bribe him with sugar just so he will leave me alone for 20 minutes while I cry in the closet. Not to mention I hate my husband, and Jimmy looks just like him so I sometimes get irrationally angry just looking at his face.” It is much easier to just be like “Jimmy has had a strong will since he was a baby. It is just who he is.”

    It we hold ourselves responsible for all the goodness in our children, we have to be equally responsible for the bad. Yet I don’t think that is giving them enough credit, nor the variety of other influences they are exposed to.

    Maintaining this level of attachment to our kids as ambassadors for ourselves because puts excessive pressure on the relationship. How many adults continually trying to appease their parents rather than finding their own path? A lot. “I am going to be a lawyer just like you daddy… even though inside I just want to design costumes for figure skaters.” Our children aren’t our possessions; we are merely the stewards of their development.

    As a parent, I want the best for my child but that can’t mean wanting her to be the best reflection of me. Maybe the best for her will be to live in a cave subsisting on plankton while contemplating cloud formations. I won’t know unless I let go of the idea that my kid is an echo of me. Any motivation for interfering with her behavior can’t be so she makes me look good, but because that is the best way for her to learn how to be a good person with a fulfilling life.

    Sasha and Malia are the daughters of the president. They are also their own people trying to understand their place in the world.They cannot be held accountable as white house diplomats for our public viewing pleasure, nor should they bear the burden of their dad’s reputation. We have to stop treating kids as commodities of their parents, and more like evolving creatures they are, with a variety of inspirations to contend with. As parents, the less ownership we feel over our children, the more honestly we’ll experience since our egos and agendas won’t blind us.

    Besides… considering the Sasha and Malia are 13 and 16, I am pretty sure they are mature as shit. If my dad was president and I was a teenager in the White House, that press conference would have been a whole different scene.

    First of all, I would have been stoned out of my mind. Not only would my eyes be as blood shot as Vince Vaughn on a Sunday morning, I would also be munching brownies with my mouth open while staring off into nothing and giggling randomly. When my dad tried to engage me to participate in this absurd American tradition, I would have gone on a 15-minute diatribe about the mass murder of millions of turkeys and described in detail the process of their slaughtering. Then the ecstasy I took would kick in, and I’d probably dry hump the turkey while mumbling about how politics is a cover up to maintain financially tyranny over the world via private banking systems and endless wars. I would then scream, “I hate you Dad! No one understands me,” collapse in a pile of my own sweaty vomit, and cry because I was really hormonal at 16.


    December 1, 2014 • Current Events, Musings, Parenting, Political Banter • Views: 1161

  • We live in a country with no honor

    We live in a country with no honor. If honor mattered, policemen wouldn’t get away with murder.

    Cops feel justified killing innocent people because there is little social or legal consequence for their actions.

    If honor was a cultural priority, a policeman would rather die than harm one of the citizens they were hired to protect. They wouldn’t be able to live with the shame and guilt of harming the innocent, and would rather not live than to live a life of dishonor.

    Yet this is not the case. Any time a cop even feels slightly threatened, and that threat may only be in his own prejudiced mind– that is enough justification to fire your gun. The internalized racism that exists within our culture is obvious, but the consequences within the police force are deadly. If black men are consistently seen as perpetrators, the cops are always going to feel like pulling out their gun and shooting them is totally reasonable.

    That is like if I were to use my AK47 to massacre every honeybee that was peacefully pollinating flowers just because it may sting me.

    Maybe if Michael Brown were Michael White the cops would have felt bad. Perhaps there wouldn’t have been an acquittal. Yet last time I checked, the cops are also supposed to serve and protect all people… not just the ones with less melanin. This blatant injustice is not just problematic for our country, but it also sending a message to the police men across the country – one that says “it is cool guys… you can totally keep shooting black men if you feel like it.”

    There is little risk if you are a cop and slaughter a blameless person. There is a chance that you will get punished for your actions, but there is also a chance that you won’t. Civilians don’t have that ambiguity. If we get caught we go to jail. This discrepancy lends itself to a confused culture within the police force. Police live above the law, and that has a major psychological impact. When you have ultimate power over not only people but also the law, you feel ultimately powerful.

    I don’t think all cops are bad people. I think many of them join the force because they genuinely want to serve.  Yet the culture within the police force needs to prioritize honor so that there is genuine accountability.

    Being a cop is dangerous and scary. I understand that. You are dealing with criminals who may hurt you. That would make anybody defensive. Yet at the same time, this is what you are signing up for. It is not like you see fireman walking past fires because it is too hot. If you choose the life of the police force, there is an understanding that you are potentially risking your life. But that doesn’t mean your life is more important than the people (of all colors) you are supposedly defending.

    I have more respect for the protestors, who although may be destroying property, are risking their lives for a cause.


    November 25, 2014 • Current Events, Musings, Political Banter • Views: 702

  • Comedians, the Modern Day Philosophers

    Everyone loves to laugh. It’s like sneezing. Orgasmic, but without all the baggage. I love comedy with true depth and commentary on the world. It is nothing short of genius when laughter is inspired by a truth about humanity that said in another context, would be only depressing.

    I see comedians as the modern day philosophers. There was a time in human history, like in Ancient Greece, where the community supported these thinkers as they traveled around questioning and commenting on the nature of all things. Yet modern people are not so forgiving to guys roaming the streets wearing robes and sandals talking to themselves anymore. Comedians have filled that role of questioning culture, and in many ways their approach is enacting major social change.

    Take for example the recent Bill Cosby scandal. This is not new news at all. These women have tried to speak out for decades. But it wasn’t until the comedian Hannibal Buress did a set about Cosby, that the public started listening. His stand up show went viral, and suddenly these rape allegations were in the public lexicon. The viral nature of the story wasn’t just about the content, but the person that disseminated the information. Now that it is a mainstream conversation, finally these women are being heard. Yet the initial comedic packaging was crucial for this to become a national dialogue, and now it has morphed into something way more serious.

    Although we can’t just sit around laughing at all the atrocities in the world – it is a starting point. By sparking the conversation with comedy, there is an appeal that can actual ignite major shifts. The currently public shaming of Cosby is a real example of that. He may not go to jail for his actions, but at least there is an effort to actually blame the perpetrator rather than the victims.

    Investigating reality doesn’t make me a happier person. Yeah maybe I am informed on world issues like environmental destruction, the politics of war, and the financial tyranny of the elite – but knowing all this doesn’t help me sleep at night. In fact it makes me want to get in my Hybrid car, take 40,000 organic sleeping pills that maybe make me yawn, and then drive off a cliff into the polluted and over fished ocean. The more I know the more miserable I am… PBS fucking lied to me!!! Why don’t you take your rainbow star and shove it up your ass!!

    Yet we want to people to be fully aware of all the horribleness that is going on, because that is the only way we will hold each other accountable. The reason I inform myself is not because I am a sadomasochist – leather isn’t vegan and pleather gives me a rash – but more because I want to change my behavior in order to genuinely benefit society. Since I began the journey of trying to understand the world – and by journey I mean I smoked a lot pot and watched countless conspiracy theories – I have drastically changed the way I act. I am way more conscious about my consumerism, ecological footprint, and psychic self. Yet pursing a conscious consciousness is emotionally complex when most of the information we need to know is presented is such a dismal fucking way.

    If I wake up in the morning and listen to NPR or BBC world news, by 10am I am in an existential crisis of misery. I think that is why so many people turn to news sources like John Oliver because at least they can laugh while learning about the inevitable distinction of all living beings. Comedy is a platform of information spreading. I went to a comedy show last night, and the subjects were feminism, harassment, religion, racism, etc…. Perhaps it was not as highbrow as complex political theory, but they got the point across and tickled my understanding.

    Lets hope someone does a comedy set about Ferguson soon :(


    November 25, 2014 • Current Events, Musings, Political Banter • Views: 631

  • Just Because You Are Privileged Doesn’t Mean You Have To Be Entitled

    My kid is privileged. Not like Kim Kardashian’s daughter North West or anything… she doesn’t have $100,000 diamond earrings, wear designer Diane Von Furstenberg wrap dresses, of have birthday parties where a giraffe does cocaine off a hippo’s tits. We don’t have it like that. But The Munch lives in a house where she is fed, warm, and has plenty of toys. She attends a wholesome school where they learn what acorns are made out of, and the biggest stress of her day is not getting to eat as many cookies as she wants. Compared to the vast majority of the world, pretty sure she has it fucking made.

    I know there is only so much you want to expose your 4-year old to regarding the tragedies of the world – but I also don’t want The Munch to be an entitled little shit who doesn’t understand how lucky she is. There is innocence to childhood you don’t want to corrupt, but letting your kid believe the world is exclusively a benevolent place can also be corrupting. There is a delicate balance between being truthful, and just traumatizing. I don’t think I need to explain the horror of child brides in India, but I do think we can talk about sweatshops making crappy plastic toys she doesn’t need. I am not trying to make my kid fear the world, but I do want her to have a realistic perception of it.

    I try to make these conversations authentic, and come up when appropriate. It is not like I put her to bed at night and whisper in her ear, “sleep well sweetheart… and just remember 90% of the indigenous tribes in the Amazonian rainforest have been destroyed, and every 2 minutes someone in the United States gets sexually assaulted. Nighty night.” Yet there are many opportunities to talk about complex issues and give The Munch some perspective.

    I try to provoke exchanges that help Munch understand that the world does not exist to serve her every need. No dude, you cannot keep the water running in the bath just so you can fill cups with the “waterfall.” Water is a precious resource and we have to respect it. There are children who have to walk miles to get access to water. Yeah running water is fun to play with, but once the bath is full, you have to shut it off so you don’t waste it. Fine maybe this comes to bite me in the ass when she insists I wash dishes with only a stream as thick as a pubic hair, but at least she has got the right idea!

    The Munch and I can talk about resources, environmentalism, the economy, whatever – it just has to be in a context that has meaning to her. For example, she loves to eat candy so we can debate how certain candy has a lot of chemicals, and that is why we don’t buy that kind. The chemicals are bad for your body, unfairly compete with farmers who grow organically, and make the ground all yucky. I don’t have to say how Monsanto products cause cancer or factory farmed meat comes from animals who lived in torture chambers and then were mercilessly murdered – but I can say that meat didn’t come from a happy cow, so lets find another kind.

    Kids are way smarter than we think, and they do have a sense of empathy even if they are mostly driven by their egos. They are kind of like men in that way. JUST KIDDING! There was one afternoon when Munch and I talked about homelessness, and she wanted to know if there were any children that didn’t have a house to live in.

    Munch: Who are they mom? Do you we know any of these children?
    Toni: No we don’t know them, but there are millions of them in the world.
    Munch: Can we see them?

    So we went online and looked at pictures of homeless children, and talked about why some people have money, and others don’t. It is not like we discussed major economic theory or the Federal Reserve, but she does understand the concepts of selfishness, and greed.

    Toni: Certain people have so much money that they are able to ensure that they keep making more money. Once you have a bunch of money, it is easier to maintain because you are running the businesses that make all the money. It isn’t that there isn’t enough money to go around; the problem is the way it is distributed. The people who have the most want to keep the money for themselves, and not share it.
    Munch: Why don’t they want to share? Didn’t they go to school and learn about how it is important to share?
    Toni: Well they did. But it isn’t just about the money. Money also means you have power. And people want power.
    Munch: But is the power more important than children? Why can’t the people with money give money to the children so they can have houses?
    Toni: Well, that is a good point. But it isn’t just the people that need to change. It is also the systems.
    Munch: But who makes the systems?
    Toni: The people.
    Munch: So pretty sure the people just need to change – then there will be no more children who don’t have homes.

    (Turn off that fucking bath water!!)


  • Breaking The Internet With An Ass

    You guys… a photo of Kim Kardashian’s ass is breaking the fucking internet in half!! Why you ask? Because it is just SOOOOO WORTH TALKING ABOUT!!! People are so irrationally inspired to communicate about her shiny butt that the interwebs will clog with opinions and semen!!!

    Is this image photo shopped?

    Does she have ass implants?

    Should we shame her for being slutty and a mother?

    What does this mean about modern femininity and the objectification of the female form?

    Does anybody have Kleenex?

    Do you see what I am doing here? I am making fun of talking about Kim’s ass while still taking about Kim’s ass!! I am winning!! I am making you think I am totally above talking about her butt, when in fact I am not. And neither are you because you are reading this!

    Kim Kardashian’s ass IS breaking the Internet because we secretly want it to.

    This is it. Right here. The problem with humanity. Even though most of us care about the destruction of the environment, endless wars, political perversion, the Federal Reserve, corporate corruption blah blah blah, we are also still vastly influenced by our primal brains. Seeking out complex philosophical profundity is hard work, where basic visual titillation is not.

    Our higher rational mind is something we have to train, cultivate, and challenge while our reptilian instincts are so easy to access with little to no effort. Even intellectuals who scoff at the absurdity of modernity and would never stoop so low as to validate pop culture references, will still look at Kim’s ass FIRST if paired next to a dissertation about NATO’s impact on the world’s economy. Maybe even just a quick glance, but I guarantee their eyes would helplessly be drawn to her ripe cheeks.

    It is not our fault that we are mesmerized by her crack. Its’ abyss is pulling us towards a simpler and safer place than the cold dark truth of reality. Thinking, analyzing, and critiquing existence is exhausting. Getting lost in Kim’s buttocks is not. In fact, it’s relaxing. I can just picture myself cozying between her mounds and forgetting all the stresses of life. When sandwiched between her cheeks you don’t have to think about global warming, but instead can melt into the pink warmth of physical comfort.
    It doesn’t take a rocket scientist to dissect why people are drawn to simplistic celebrity news rather then complex political theory. Thinking doesn’t necessarily make you happier. Although willful ignorance is not exactly admirable, it is understandable. Rather than questioning the long-term implications of Russia’s courtship of China, we turn our attention towards concepts that are easier to grasp and hold onto…like a ripe rump.

    We don’t have to beat ourselves up for this impulse. It’s natural to avoid pain and prefer pleasure, or at least ease. The ideal human condition isn’t to abandon all frivolousness in exchange for relentless truth seeking. There needs to be a balance between semi superficial pursuits of carnality and academic contemplation. The absurdity isn’t that we want to look at a sweet supple ass. The insanity is that we overcomplicate this impulse and spend too much time trying to rationalize it. Rather than spending our energy talking about serious things seriously, we talk about ridiculous things as if they were serious.

    We want look at stupid trashy shit because sometimes we feel stupid and trashy. There is no need to defend that. Rather than deconstructing the meta meaning of a butt, why not save our energy and do that for shit that actually matters and just enjoy the ass for what it is….a full moon setting in the shadow of existential awareness.


    November 12, 2014 • Current Events, Education, Musings, Political Banter • Views: 858

  • Politics Make me Want to Puke, Pee, and Poop (Explaining Voting to My Child)

    Okay… so the GOP swept the house and senate. That happened. I do not consider myself a democrat because I believe corporate interests also control them, but at least there is progressive pressure on their asses – you know, being donkeys and all. From a foreign policy perspective both parties prioritize profit, war, and oil – but when it comes to domestic social services there will be a tangible impact by a republican ruled legislative branch of government. Considering I was thinking of gay-marrying medical marijuana and then aborting our baby for stem cell research to save the lives of immigrant children displaced by global warming catastrophes before attending a rally to raise taxes for atheist convicted felons to stay off death row – things are looking pretty grim.

    I want to be hopeful, but in truth I just want to puke, pee, and then poop. In that order, because if I pooped, peed, and then puked, the puking would be infinitely extended by the existing contents in the toilet. You can poop on puke, but you cannot puke on poop. Sorry I am not sorry about all those visuals.

    Yesterday when going to vote, I tried to explain politics to The Munch. Yeah fine she is only four, so her understanding of government is limited. Yet at the same time she is not that much different than many of the voting adults. Munch isn’t exactly “informed” about the complexity of the issues, but she has emotional reactions regardless. It is not like the vast majority of Americans are talking about the long-term impact of sanctions in Iran, or the fact that the US is currently involved in 134 wars. The discussion isn’t about the petrol dollar, and how the entire US economy is dependent on a scam to trade oil in the US dollar despite our inflating the value. People don’t vote because of vast research, they more likely vote because of party lines or passionate triggers.

    It is not that people are dumb; it is more that the information is hidden behind rhetoric or a misinformed media that is beholden to advertising dollars. Digging for the truth through conspiracy theories about lizard people ruling the planet to harvest human blood for the Palidian elite takes time. Also, it is confusing what to do even when you do spend ample time educating yourself on the ins and outs of the belly button of bureaucracy. It is not that I fancy myself a political analyst; I just know I am being lied to, and the main agenda is money/power.

    So here is my conversation with Munch trying to explain the importance of voting… I think she gets it.

    Munch: Why are we stopping here? What are we doing?
    Me: We have to go vote.
    Munch: I don’t want to go vote. I want to go home and get in my cozy bed.
    Me: So do I. But we have to vote because it is important.
    Munch: What is voting?
    Me: Well you know how we live in New Hampshire? There are these people that we vote into office that we think will best represent our interests.
    Munch: I don’t get it.
    Me: Well, you know how we have laws and rules of conduct? Well, there is a system that dictates this. We vote for people to make decisions about what we can and cannot do, and what we can and cannot get. They also figure out how we interact with other states, and even countries. Basically, the people we vote into office have power over the way we do things. They have the power because they decide where the money goes.
    Munch: Why do we want people to have power? I don’t get it.
    Me: Well, it is a way of organizing ourselves so there is order to humanity. We vote people into power, and they make decisions that affect all of our lives – but that way we can just live our lives and not have to worry about making those decisions.
    Munch: I don’t get it. Why don’t we just all take care of each other rather than people having power?
    Me: I don’t get it either.
    Munch: I have to poop.
    Me: Me too.