Although losing my virginity was lovely, in that “omg I have never seen a penis before and am so confused as to how it stands up like that and maybe being 14 with braces are obvious indicators I am too young for sex but what the heck we just smoked a joint so lets do this kind of way,” I would like to get it back. Please universe, forget the fact that I pumped out a baby and lets call that an immaculate conception. I need my virginity back; I have a big networking party to go to.
What got me thinking about this was a story about a Brazilian woman named Catarina Migliorini, a 20-year old goddess from another dimension of loveliness, who is selling her virginity on the internet to the highest bidder. The final price for her V-card was $780,000!!!!!
What?! And I gave mine away for free?! Except for maybe we got an ice cream cone after. Oh the horror!
Okay, so maybe selling your virginity online to a Japanese businessman seems slightly prostitute-y, but that is a decent chunk of change. I mean, I would have probably gotten more like a million, but that’s not important.
I guess there was a guy who was selling his virginity too and only got $3,000. Wow… I wonder why that is? I thought every woman had a fantasy of sleeping with a virgin said no woman ever.
Supposedly Catarina is giving 90% of the money to charity for her homeland Brazil, but the filmmaker who is documenting this has contested that fact. Huh? Wait, there is a filmmaker too? I guess it is not being filmed in a porno way, but more a documentary kind of way? He claims this was initially a business decision for Catarina, but now she feels the pressure to be charitable since the story is getting so much attention in her home country.
Sister friend… If you are going to sell your body, you should keep the money if you want to! You are only a whore if you KEEP prostituting yourself. If you only do it once you are kind of a genius.
Wait, now I feel bad for those charities that won’t be getting the money because Catarina is keeping it for her greedy self. I think maybe what has to happen is the Brazilian government matches what she raised on her own and gives it to those charities. That way everybody wins! I think I am going to go into politics. I am so good at dealing with diplomacy and sex scandals.
