Giving and receiving criticism is probably one of the more difficult, and awkward human interactions.  It is not easy to tell someone they are doing something wrong, and it certainly isn’t a picnic hearing it either.  Even if you can agree with the content of critical feedback, the way the other person says it will dictate whether or not you actually listen to them.

I think we all have those people in our lives who are hyper judgmental of us.  Despite the logic in their position, the delivery is so annoying you want to throw sand in their eyes.  Whether it is a parent, lover, spouse, friend, sibling or child- there is something about the way that they approach you that is infuriating.  It then gets too hard to focus on what they are saying, because how they are saying it is so irritating that all you can think about is “what an asshole.”

For me, my first reaction is to be like “hey buddy, you are making me feel like shit, so you better ready – because I am about to do the same.” * this approach never ends well.  Even though the other person may be the cause of my fury, they are not making me feel anything.  I am making myself feel bad.  So then the question becomes, who is responsible when your feelings get hurt when being criticized?

The irony is that the people who are most judgmental of others, are often the harshest critics of themselves.  The dialogue in their own head is probably 10 times more damaging then what they are dishing out.  So one can always be compassionate to those who criticize you the most.  That is if you are fucking Ghandi.

For most of us mortals, it is a challenge to be gracious in the face of verbal diarrhea.  Yet even when you are covered with emotional feces, there is always some corn kernel of truth worth examining.  It is natural to get aggravated when someone is insulting you, but if there weren’t some accuracy to what they were saying, it wouldn’t bother you.

There is also a standard we can hold others to, and help them deliver their thoughts in a less dickish way.  Like maybe help guide them towards not being an aggressive douche when telling you how you can improve.  This is usually best accomplished by criticizing the way they criticize you.

(You don’t know me Notophthalmus viridescens…. )