In honor of mother’s day here is the Toni Bologna Bad Ass Mama list inspired by all the bad ass mamas I am lucky enough to know!

She is the type of mama who….

1)    Rocks stains on her clothes like it is today’s hottest fashion trend.

2)    Eats most meals by consuming half chewed leftovers smushed into the seat of the highchair.

3)    Finds joy in shaking her booty to Elmo singing.

4)    Can hide vegetables inside macaroni holes.

5)    Remembers to take time for herself so she is not tired-cranky-cunty mommy.

6)    Can understand what her child is saying through the silent choking tears of irrational psychotic rage.

7)    Hardly notices when poo gets under her fingernails during a particularly epic diaper change and considers it an “avant garde” French manicure.

8)    Can make dinner while holding her child, on the phone, writing a status update, folding laundry, and reading “Good Night Moon.”

9)    Will talk about texture of vomit or diarrhea like she is discussing the complexity of parallel universes.

10) Will call her kid an asshole but kick your ass if you do.

“I am going to be one bad ass mama one day….”