Bad breath is one of the many hazards of adult living. There is not only morning breath to contend with, but also afternoon breath, I ate too much pepperoni pizza for dinner breath, and of course the dreaded I just gave head breath. Our mouths pretty much reek unless we brush them with sodium lauryl sulfate infused toxic toothpaste, or mask the smell by masticating on some cancer coated gum bleeding Donald Rumsfeld produced aspartame into our oral cavity.

We obviously fear the stench of our own breath so much that we introduce a variety of noxious chemicals to avoid dealing with the putridness. But why? Why do we have bad breath, and why are we so afraid of other people knowing? Why am I thinking about this and more importantly why do people keep quoting Gandhi on Facebook? Well, let me tell you…

The other morning I was cuddling with The Munch, ramming my chin into different pressure points on her body. What? She thinks its funny? Who cuddles without some sort of wrestling involved? Boring! She was laughing in my face, trying to bite my nose when I realized how honey perfumed her breath was. So I did what any normal person would do, pin her on her back and inhale a few times. Duh!

“What is the secret of your caramel glazed breath Munch?”

You know what I realized while stuffing my nose into her baby mouth?? And maybe this is the last thing that you want to think about on a Monday, but the reason we have bad breath is because we are decaying. Our aging organs are deteriorating and our breath is an indication of the fact that we are all rotting from the inside out. No wonder we want to hide the stench from ourselves and others! Bad breath is a reminder of our own mortality and the fact that with every moment that passes we are closer to death. Your welcome!

“I wanna smell… Oh wow… You are totally right! It smells like marshmallow cupcakes :)”