I used to think it was super annoying how parents would follow their kids around micromanaging their every action. “Stop putting broken glass in your mouth, get off that ledge, don’t play with fire.” Lighten up already. Your baby wants to live! Just let them explore the world. Ummmm… nope wrong. Babies have a serious death wish, and I am spending my life just keeping The Munch alive.

Example 1: Stairs. She doesn’t know how to go up stairs let alone down them… but if she sees a set of them she heads towards them like a hipster after cocaine.

Example 2: Choking. If it is a choking hazard, The Munch is going to put it in her mouth. Dimes, rocks, screws, paint chips… The greater the potential to get lodged in her throat, the deeper the desire to test it out.

Example 3: Electronics. Not only does she love to chew on wires, she also likes to put the metal power part in her mouth. This is especially exciting when the other end is also plugged into the wall. Computer cords, cell phone chargers…. As long as it is has an electrical charge, she wants to get it wet with her tongue with no regard for wearing rubber boots in the process.

Example 4: Drowing/Bath Time of Doom. So she used to sit peacefully in the bath. The most exciting thing that ever happened was her splashing, or peeing/pooing in the water. But now that she is standing, she wants to stand the entire time despite the fact that the bath is a slippery place to be. So not only does she often loose her footing and go under, she also is always in danger of smacking her head, mouth, teeth on the hard porcelain. It is by far the most stressful part of my day just making sure she doesn’t decapitate herself.

So why is this? Are babies reckless because they know we are looking out for them? Danger is meaningless because they intuit that they are protected? Does this create a feeling of safety where they have no fear of life, therefore have no fear of death? Or is she just screwing with me and laughing with you guys behind my back?