ASMR is the Weirdest Shit on the Internet

We all know there is some weird shit on the Internet. If you want to see a video of a dude peeling a lemon while pissing in his own mouth and singing God Bless America in Russian, you could find it. If you can imagine it, someone has filmed themselves doing it, and probably added to your vision a coffee cup filled with caterpillars that they shove up their butt.

I don’t know about you, but I think the strangest thing floating around our virtual network are these ASMR videos where chicks whisper into the corners of their computer, fuck with hairbrushes, and role-play measuring you for a suit. Sometimes they pretend to cut your hair, or crinkle bags of Ramen soup. There is also a fair amount of lip smacking, which I personally find so annoying that it makes me want to itch my teeth and punch a nun in the cunt.

ASMR stands for “autonomous sensory meridian response,” and supposedly certain sounds trigger listeners into a tingly euphoric trance. They reportedly experience “brain orgasms” which sounds messy, and probably a real pain to get out of your hair. These videos are usually disturbingly long, and if you are not the type of person who is titillated by these auditory stimulants, they are more boring than watching your grandmother eat soup.

If you haven’t seen them, seriously, give this one a try.

I’m not going to deny the possibility that some are soothed by this soft-spoken vixen. I guess one could become mesmerized by her make-believe grooming. Sure! Anything is possible. Hell Donald Trump is running for office non-ironically.

What I am saying however, is I seriously don’t fucking get it.

Nonetheless, I did make my own ASMR hairbrush video just for your pleasure.