Do you consider yourself a generous person?   I am almost pathologically generous.  I tend to give people a lot of myself –  time, money, love, energy… but not massages.  You have to work for those.  But I can’t tell if it comes from a place of genuine altruism, or because I want people to like me.  “Here take my stuff, I don’t care… just love me okay?”

I feel like most people are either givers or takers.  You have the impulse to share, or to covet.  But where that motivation comes from is more complex than just being a good person or a selfish one.  There is a context that is worthy of exploration.  Some share because of obligation, and do so with vast resentment and guilt tripping.  Others give with expectations and strings attached.  The mentality of “sure you can have this, but now I have power over you because you are indebted to me.”  In those cases it is almost better for them to have never given at all, than to give with some sort of emotional bondage.

If I am going to share something, I want to do it with my full heart, not because I want to have someone beholden to me.  I want The Munch to be the same way.  Generosity has to be authentic.

You have to talk to your kid about sharing, and the idea of giving quite a bit. The Munch has become pretty mature about it. She even once let her best friend Hazel borrow her favorite Minnie Mouse stuffed animal… not to mention her favorite party shoes, and her favorite fairy dress.  Sometimes it is a struggle, but she is also learning the joy of making someone you love happy.

I try to be a good example by sharing what I have with Munch… but sometimes that is hard as fuck.  Especially because she always wants to eat what I am eating.  I have never been good at sharing is my food.  I just want to eat it myself.  I will make you your own sandwich mind you.  Just don’t ask for a bite of mine.  But once you have a child all that has to change.  I can’t be like “no I am not giving you any of my toast kid, go get your own.” I would be such a dick if I did that.  Besides, I want The Munch to eat.  Her livelihood is my responsibility.  Wanting the best for her has inspired me to change my ways and share even the most sacred treats.

I figured because I have been such selfless role model for The Munch that she would obviously act the same way towards me right?

Toni: Munch, can I have a bit of your pizza?

Munch: Nope.

Toni: But Munch, doesn’t Mamma always share with you?

Munch: Yes.

Toni: So Mamma is really hungry.  Don’t you want to share your food with me?

Munch: No Mamma, I really don’t.