Okay, seriously, all I do with my day is feed this baby. I never in my wildest dreams imagined how much such a little tiny being could eat. I swear on everything holy, if she had her way, she would be permanently stuck to my boob.
So here are my little perils of breastfeeding that keep my day exciting, considering that is how I am spending my time.
1) If she pukes, you would think she wouldn’t want to eat for a while right? Like she would be all “Ohhhh, I don’t feel so good. I just barfed. I think I am going to take a break.” But au contraire my friends. It just means she is hungrier because her stomach is empty! It defies all logic!
2) She chokes! It is almost embarrassing for me. I have to apologize for my excessive milk flow that is ricocheting into the back of her throat causing her to get all red faced and cough, cough, cough, it out. You would think there would be some sort of valve or mechanism to control the flow. Like I could twist the nip and turn it down a bit.
3) I feel like a human vending machine. If I am going to producing liquid food out of my boobs… (Okay… lets just digest that for a moment… I am producing food with my tits) …you would think I could produce other beverage products as well. Like perhaps coffee, for those sleepy mornings. Or beer, so I could be the life of any party. Why do I have to be such a one trick pony?
4) Sometimes I wonder if she is thirsty for just plain water. I don’t know about you, but when I am parched, I do not go for a glass of milk.
5) There are times when I am feeding her with one boob, and the other boob starts leaking. Ummmm this is not cool for me at all. I don’t know about you, but I do not enjoy leaking out of any orifice of my body, let alone one I didn’t previously understand had a hole.