1) Hide your pain with sarcasm and passive aggressive comments.
2) If you have a legitimate reason for being angry at a family member, but don’t want to confront things in the fear of ruining the holiday – clean your belly button with their toothbrush. That will help lessen the resentment.
3) If someone is going on and on and on and you need an “out” of the conversation, ask them if they know what herpes looks like, and if they wouldn’t mind checking something out in the bathroom.
4) If someone else’s kid is annoying and won’t leave you alone, tell them the real story of Thanksgiving, and the genocide of 100 million Native Americans.
5) If you don’t like the cooking just say you are a gluten-free sugar-free carb-free vegan freegan who only eats fair trade food harvested bio-dynamically and watered with the tears of virgins.
Me, my Mom, and The Munch…. yeah, that pretty much sums us up