I was recently forwarded the article “13 Things a Woman Can Do To Be More Attractive to Men.” My initial reaction was to check the date to see if I had been transported back in time by a DeLorean – “Back To The Future” style.
His list is lovingly detailed with many gems of misogyny…. but here is the gist:
1) Be in shape 2) Lay off body modifications 3)Make your own money 4)Be feminine 5)Be submissive 6)Don’t have a sex life before him (be basically a virgin) 7)Be intelligent 8)Be Child-free 9)Cook for him 10)Don’t take too many sefies 11)Don’t wear too much make up 11)Don’t fucking swear 12)Don’t have too many guy friends
Of course my favorite suggestion was to “be submissive” – which the author directly tied into “being feminine.” Not to go too “social anthropologist” on Smith, but isn’t it important to note the difference between socialized “feminine” traits and female biology? I don’t want to get all Simone De Beauvoir neo-feminist on John Smith, because that is not really the point. Here is a man who is taking his opinions on attractiveness seriously, and I am going to honor that. While I don’t fit into the criteria Smith has for women, (except for the make up part because I am too lazy to wash my face every night), I also don’t think he is trying to attract me. I am not exactly sure what type of lady gets her panties wet after reading this, but if she is out there, Gaia bless her.
Regardless of my differences with Smith, I do think he represents a portion of the male population who agree with his thoughts – although this article would feel more valid if John Smith used his real name. Or maybe he is just a really old man from the Mayflower… what do I know? My main point of contention with this piece is not Smith’s point of view as much as his condescending tone.
“Men don’t want a bag of bones, nor do they want a woman who looks like she is smuggling beach balls. I suggest 3-4 times a week of cardio-esque activity. Regarding your diet…you do not need to starve yourself; you do not need those greasy chips either.”
I appreciate his understanding that ladies don’t have to be rail thin to be sexy, but Smith could have made this exact same point in a positive, sensitive way. Instead his words are demeaning and rude. Women often experience intense societal pressure to have a perfect physique. “Make sure your body is good and keep your greasy paws out of the bon bons” is neither thoughtful nor enlightened when discussing female societal beauty standards.
As I went through each of his 13 suggestions, I felt like they all could have been presented in way that was actually respectful towards women.
“Personally I think feminism has turned relationships that are supposed to be loving into their own little battlefields. Rub his back, watch what he wants to watch, suck him off. A GOOD man will reciprocate, and placate to the things you want and make sure you are also happy.”
I think every lady knows that guys like blow jobs and back rubs. The reason sexuality gets stale in relationships or that we treat each other with complacency is a lot more complex than the influence of feminism. I am pretty sure there were bitches back in the Middle Ages who were like “Listen Barthalowmew, you haven’t scrubbed your scrotum in seven years and I am not putting my face down there tonight because I ate too much mutton.” Long-term, monogamous relationships are challenging because you have to see the same mother fucker day in and day out, and watch the gross way they eat sandwiches. Reciprocity comes from genuine respect, not simply expecting your gonads to be worshipped with the veracity of a pagan priestess.
The one point that I am going to have to say was not only offensive, but downright racist was #8, Be Child Free:
“This is kind of the not-so-secret secret. Men don’t want instant families, nor do they want the ultimate form of cuckoldry that is raising another man’s child. This goes double if you have multiple children and/or if your children are biracial. It does not matter if your child’s father was abusive, a deadbeat, a good man, or hit by a bus tragically. The bottom line is that you have a child, and it does not belong to the eligible bachelors out there.
There are some real logistical problems here. What is a woman supposed to do to attract a man if she suffers the burden of already having procreated? Have an abortion when her children are eight and five years old? And what is wrong with bi-racial children? Is Smith threatened by knowing a big black cock may have penetrated his woman? Is he promoting an Aryan nation? I have a lot of questions about this one. How does Smith reconcile the reality that women are often left to raise children on their own, after fathers abandon their families? That is a lot of pressure. According to Smith, 10 million single moms (half of whom are not receiving child support) should expect to get no dick simply because they are responsibly raising their children.
I’m pretty sure Smith isn’t attempting to be taken seriously by women. How could he when he uses a voice that is both aggressive and patronizing? Even so, Smith ends with six “pre-emptive” sound bytes, in a defensive attempt to squash the contempt he predicts for this piece. When provocative words are submitted to the blogosphere, attempting to control the response is, well, futile. While we’re floating in this cyber-space cosmos of personal beliefs, here are a few of mine:
Here Are 13 Things A Man Can Do To Be More Attractive To Women
1) Learn to cook
2) Have skills to help around the house
3) Be a good listener
4) Express interest in her friends, family, and animals
5) Be smart
6) Be funny
7) Be passionate
8) Care about your own personal evolution
9) Have a job you are inspired by
10) Care about the world and your place in it
11) Learn to express your negative emotions not just through anger or shutting down
12) Prioritize communication
13) Wash your balls if you want her to put them in her mouth