I hava a serious complex about my birthday. It happens during the worst time of year. December 29th is the lamest date to be born. Most people forget because the holidays are so chaotic. If people do remember they usually give a joint christmas/birthday present. And it is right before new years, so no one wants to party and do a bunch of ecstasy with you.
THANK THE UNIVERSE FOR FACEBOOK! Even if it is an information feeding tube for the NSA, the fact that it reminds everyone about my birthday makes it all okay!!!
I know a lot of you probably think I am being a big baby.
You: Toni, who cares about birthdays? It is just another day. What is the big deal?
Toni: Listen to me you son of a cunt. You probably had a birthday in March, where you brought cupcakes to school, and your whole class sang happy birthday to you and gave a shit!!!! I NEVER HAD THAT!!!!
I believe in the magic of birthdays. Even though the roman calendar is probably an ancient conspiracy of mind control and manipulation, time still does pass. The seasons come and go, plants grow and die. We are part of the cycle of life. There was an exact instance when you were born, and that event is revisited again by the stars, the positioning of the earth, the alignment of the planets. It is all relevant.
And you know what? There should be at least on day a year where people celebrate you. 12 hours where they are obligated to be nice, and do something thoughtful. We all need a moment to feel honored, appreciated, adored. To be reminded that people care that you are alive, even if it is only through text “Happy birthday! Glad you are still on this earth. See you never – but it is a good thing you are out there” kind of message.
So decided it was important to socialize The Munch into being as into my birthday as I am. That way she won’t dick around, and will know that she should always do something special for me.
Toni: Munch, so it is Mamma’s birthday today right?
Munch: It sure is!
Toni: So what are you going to give me for a present?
Munch: Hmmmm well I haven’t made anything, so maybe I will give you one of my babies? They are really cool.
Toni: Okay that sounds like a… hey… what are you doing? Why are you taking all your crayons out of that box?
Munch: Because I want to put a baby in the box for your birthday to give to you.
Toni: Oh Okay.
Munch: But what baby should I put in here? This one is too big!!
Toni: Well what about this baby? Princess and the Pea baby. She will fit in there!
Munch: NO! I still play with her.
Toni: Ummmm okay. Well what about Tiny Baby? She is the right size for that box.
Munch: No because I still play with Tiny Baby in the bath. Maybe I won’t give you any of my babies after all.