Sometimes when I wake up in the morning and I know The Munch isn’t going to school, I kind of panic for a moment. I think to myself “holy crap, what am I going to do with this 3-year old all day… and am I really sure I don’t want to get addicted to valium because right now that seems kind of glamorous.” I then remind myself that somehow I always figure it out and try to find peace in that.
Toni: Listen Munch, Mamma is going to meditate for a bit this morning so you can play in my room – just be cool okay?
Munch: Okay Mamma, I will be cool.
And at first she was cool… until she found an old plastic baby rattle, and started shaking it millimeters from my face. Now, I am not yet Siddhartha, so it was kind of hard to stay Zen and not laugh. But the more I laughed, the more she did it. I tried to maintain my oneness with the universe, but I am pretty sure that I was actually just sitting there with my eyes closed waiting to see if my kid would accidently smack my nose off.
The morning went on… she played, we played, she played, we played. At one point a giraffe puppet was eating toilet paper, and I made Winnie The Pooh smell his own farts. Time passed… slowly. I again reconsidered my policy of “no tv” and wondered how important cultivating ones own imagination really is.
My friend Natalya eventually came over to do some yoga, so that was a welcome event to break up the day. The Munch would play, then make me put her inside a box, then play in the box, then make me take her out, then play with her babies, then make me take off her baby’s clothes, then ride her bike, then fall off her bike, then jump on her trampoline, then fall off and cry.
Natalya: Man you are really patient.
Toni: I am not sure I really have a choice.
Natalya: That is one of the reason’s why I question having kids. That, and if shit were to go down, and they died in the apocalypse, I think that would be really hard on me.
Natalya: But I would be down with repopulating the earth after the apocalypse killed everyone.
I thought about that for a while, and then sadly Natalya left. I was trying to get The Munch ready to go, but she started freaking out because her socks didn’t match. Then the socks that did match weren’t the ones she wanted to wear and her tears turned into a torrential storm.
I hate to to say this, but I really lost my cool. Granted The Munch being super annoying, and I had to draw a line, there is a difference between effective discipline and getting frustrated – and I crossed it. The second it happened, I know I was not being my highest self, but it is hard to pull back when someone pushes you over the edge.
Munch: Mamma, don’t talk like that in that voice! I don’t like it!
I felt bad. I don’t like snapping. It makes me feel like I am not in control, and is a really unproductive way of parenting.
Toni: Listen Munch… I am sorry if I am getting aggravated, but I am really tired of fighting with you about clothes. There are kids all over the world who don’t’ have clothes, and certainly don’t have socks. I really need you to listen to me and realize that fighting about socks is absurd. You are lucky to have warm feet okay? Do you get what I am saying to you?
Munch: Yeah. But maybe you could just buy me some more socks that match.