Supposedly everyone has a spirit animal. You know, like an animal that your spirit embodies. Most people talk about having a hawk, buffalo, panther, or bear as theirs. Something badass. I always wanted to know what my spirit animal was, so one day went to this guided meditation to find out.
A priestess with blond hair the color of destiny, eyes as effervescent as champagne, and the skin of eternal youth, hosted this holy event. She only ate raw food, so when she walked her feet didn’t touch the ground. She just kind of glided from place to place lighting candles and setting up crystals to help us better connect to the universal oneness of all things. After the eagle feathers were strategically placed, the sage sufficiently burnt, and the dragon fly wings properly dusted, we were ready to get started.
This earthly goddess had us go through a ritual of cleansing our auras and opening our hearts so our spirit animals could reveal themselves. I went in and out of trying to stay attuned to what this spritely being was saying, and thinking about how hungry I was, if I should cut my hair, what type earrings make me look the skinniest, and then of course my connection to the infinite unity of parallel dimensions.
Finally in this guided meditation we were told to picture ourselves in a field. Wearing white flowing robes stitched with the golden thread of leprechaun mustache. It was there, in this endless field, that our spirit animal would find us. And there it was my friends. In my minds eye I saw my spirit animal walking towards me, proud and confident. A brontosaurus.
“Really? Seriously? A brontosaurus? You are my spirit animal?”
“You better believe it honey.”