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October, 2011
Archive

  • Do It Again!

    Think of something that you really really like… is there a limit to how many times you want that thing to happen? Okay fine, if you are a guy, you have to wait a half an hour before it can happen again, but do you find as an adult you are emotionally prepared to let good time be just that? You don’t have to repeat it again and again and again and again and again and again…

    This is the problem with kids. You do something they enjoy or think is funny and they want you to do it again. You would think it wouldn’t be as humorous the 27th time I made the stuffed bear sneeze into the dolly’s face… but it is…

    The Munch either lives in a time warp of extra dimensions where everything is happening both simultaneously and continuously in infinite space, or she has the memory of a goldfish. I feel like I am living in the Twilight Zone because her reaction of joy never seems to diminish no matter how many times I repeat the same thing over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over…

    Now this is where things get kind of twisted…

    The Munch is REALY into reading books right now. Let me rephrase, she is really into ME reading books to her. Okay. Theoretically this is great right? It is a sign of intelligence that she will sit down and let me read to her for an extended period. That or she is smoking weed behind my back and wishing I would just let her watch TV already.

    But this is my problem. Baby books are about as exciting as waiting in line at the DMV. Sometimes I feel like if I have to make another freakn’ animal noise I am going to shove a fork through my nose and into my brain to give myself a lobotomy.

    I tried to explain to her “Look Munch… it really isn’t going to get you anywhere in life to know that a pig goes ‘oink’ or what color the ducky is. For all we know what you see as yellow is what I see as green, you dig? You see how colors don’t really matter? Besides, when you grow up you will have the internet implanted into your brain. Why don’t we just take a break from reading this and go play in the toilette for a bit?”

    But no… If I stop reading before she is ready it is as if I scraped her soul with the broken shards of unicorn horns she is so distraught.

    So I started hiding some of her books.

    I know… I know… it is wrong of me…. And besides, she is so sneaky she found them anyway….

    “Okay Munch… that is a Tiger… not that it matters to you because they will all be extinct soon anyway…”

    October 5, 2011 • 1 year old, Baby Brain, Behavior, Books, Education, Parenting, Playing • Views: 965

  • Funny When You Fall

    You know those moments where you are minding your own business, and then someone trips and falls right in front of you. Isn’t that the best? Of course, you don’t want them to seriously hurt themselves with bones protruding from their skin and road rash covering the entirety of their left ribcage… but someone else’s harmless fall can bring you an immense amount of joy.

    This awesome activity of laughing at someone else’s fall is one of the perks about hanging out with a baby. They fall all the time.

    Recently The Munch is practicing going up and down hills. This is very exciting for me, because when she falls going down hill it is usually accompanied by a summersault of sorts. This is more funny when she lands in a puddle or bush.

    Another classic move is if she puts something over her head to play peek-a-boo, gets disoriented, can’t free herself, then falls.

    I will tell what is not funny though… when The Munch laughs at me when I fall. The other day I not only fell, but stubbed my toe and was bleeding! But she still laughed and laughed. I wondered where she learnt to be such a jerk!?

    She almost fell here but just caught herself on the stupid stroller…

    October 4, 2011 • 1 year old, Adventures, Playing • Views: 1059

  • Did You Seriously Just Throw That At Me?

    If I were to throw a hair-ball at you, would you be offended? Not one that came out of a cat’s throw up, obvi… just a hair-ball I created from cleaning my brush. Oh wait… it probably wouldn’t travel very far and most likely I would have to smush it on you to get the full effect. But it’s not like it would hurt.

    Maybe it doesn’t matter if what is being causes pain, like a brick or knife, maybe, just maybe, people don’t like things being thrown at them period. Especially if this said object is extremely gross.

    The other morning I fed The Munch oatmeal for breakfast, which she of course smeared all over her face and clothes. When I decided she was done I washed her hands in the sink, took her clothes off, and let her run around while I cleaned up. Seems reasonable right. You are probably thinking to yourself “My Toni is responsible” or maybe more likely “I should eat breakfast while wearing a cape and crown so I really start the day off right?”

    I then notice The Munch is suspiciously quite…

    I go around the corner and find her in the hall, hand on her diaper sticky… you know… the part of the diaper that sticks the thing together, ie THE MOST IMPORTANT PART!

    “Munch… leave your diaper on…. That catches the poop and pee remember?”

    Either she didn’t remember, or she is a real jerk.

    Before I could get to her, with one swipe she pulls the diaper off and throws it at me like she is a double agent for the Matrix. It happened so fast that at first I did not see the poo fling out of it, but once the diaper landed at my feet I saw what was inside. I looked down and screamed a scream so shrill it was silent to the human ear. The Munch looked directly into my eyes then ran the other direction. With each step she took a poo ball fell from her put onto the floor. Like a trail of poo for Hansel and Gretel to find their way out of the woods, or like a shit path for me to clean up. Depends on your perspective.

    October 3, 2011 • 1 year old, Baby Body, Baby Brain, Behavior, Pee & Poop • Views: 765